I am the only one having trouble "finding that right pe

Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

GNRfan
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jul 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 68
Location: San Diego

28 Jul 2008, 5:54 am

Sure im only 17 but i can already see some issues with my relationships to come, But anyway my question here was how has having AS affected you in finding someone compatible to date and have a relationship with you and how did you overcome challenges related to it.
By relationship i mean attempting to have a intimate relationship , not just like "yeah she's hot , maybe i can somehow manage to stay with her even if we have nothing common", i'm a reasonably handsome guy i don't have problems asking girls out so thats not so much the issue. I've only had a few relationships and they all were the same song and dance and honestly they were just those stupid lighting fast , clingy relationships that : "burn bright but quickly fizz out" even if they seemed like they'd really work and that ended up doing some damage between us as friends afterward, which i is found is around as miserable as being alone.So pretty much for last 3 years i've been kicking it single and am really just getting lonely, but i haven't been able to find someone i'm compatible with or who understands how my AS would hinder us being together and im afraid that a mutual empathetical connect just wouldn't happen, since it didn't really before. Im also scared that i will either spend too much time or waaay too little time with her and she'd hate that , plus lately i finally found meds that help me stay attentive and not depressed but make me very angry occasionally afterward , and i've already really yelled at and frightened my parents and a couple of friends even though i'm not trying too in any way, and i can see myself scaring the crap out my girlfriend too ( though she'd hopefully understand that ) lol. I've asked some of my closer friends who are girls and that understand my AS to an extent (since they are NT) and they say the same generic stuff "she'll understand if you just try to tell her" and so on , but that just doesn't happen and for whatever reason trying to form a romantic relationship with someone i don't know really well just hasn't seemed to work. Any advice for a fellow AS?



Last edited by GNRfan on 28 Jul 2008, 5:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Postperson
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jul 2004
Age: 69
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,023
Location: Uz

28 Jul 2008, 6:08 am

no, we're all happily partnered here. It's only you. :wink:



Prof_Pretorius
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2006
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,520
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library

28 Jul 2008, 10:32 am

It's quite the common problem. I have trouble reading faces, so I was rubbish at dating. The lady ASpies also have this problem. We tend to stumble over words, unless we're chatting about our favorite obsession. We tend to choose people who are exactly wrong for us.
So what can you do?
Be aware of your shortcomings and play to your strengths. Possibly practice social interaction with a female friend.


_________________
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke


dtoxic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 346
Location: Boston MA

28 Jul 2008, 8:47 pm

I'm 20 years older than you and 20 light years behind in experience. Be glad you've done as well as you have.



ccflowergirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Age: 66
Gender: Female
Posts: 696
Location: tulsa,ok

29 Jul 2008, 9:55 am

Prof_Pretorius wrote:
It's quite the common problem. I have trouble reading faces, so I was rubbish at dating. The lady ASpies also have this problem. We tend to stumble over words, unless we're chatting about our favorite obsession. We tend to choose people who are exactly wrong for us. So what can you do?
Be aware of your shortcomings and play to your strengths. Possibly practice social interaction with a female friend.


I thought that I was the only one that settles for the wrong person, it seems to be easier than finding the right one. I’m going to try harder this next time.