Girls............interaction/socializing/ communication

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OK so I was reading stuff online mostly about the whole "love-shy" male, and I believe that I fit it mostly even though thats something id never want to admit to. Everything in the (wiki article) besides not having a sister, and taste in music. I am a huge fan of rock. I was reading it and iv read alot of stuff on here and elsewhere.

It just seems as though to be able to eventually have relationships with girls/women you have to be able to get along with them in a friendly way. What they mean basically is that you have "get along" women in your day to day life whether it is just acquaintances or friends. You have to interact with them, which most NTs learn how to do. Pretty much all males have trouble with the opposite sex and thats something that cant be denied, but most still learn how to talk/interact and socialize with them.

I realize iv never done that. Iv never had any girls that were "friends". Iv never had any girls that I socialized with for any period of time. Iv never had any girls in my life really. Even a few who live nearby me eventually stop talking to me even though I try to be friendly and hi whenever i can. Hell I had almost very few real "friendships" with guys my own age. Im 20 years old. I had two sisters when I was growing up, but they were both older. How F***ing lame is that?? Being the youngest in the family and then having two sisters who are older that are higher up on the pecking order of the family or whatever you want to call it. Always got teased by them growing up and took crap from them, even though they eventually just left me alone after they realized I was really sensitive. But thats just that .....almost never talked to them then or now. So i never learned how to talk/interact with girls. And to be quite frank im just afraid of girls really.

I dont talk to anyone in my family really. Nobody ever understood me and now when I try to tell my parents I think something is wrong with me (iv known something is wrong for a long time) they just tell me its common and that im not alone......... alot of people at time feel misunderstood and lonely. What a joke.

oh yea and I hate people who thinks its their self-righteous duty " to give advice " to men with girl problems such as "grow some balls" "be a f***ing man bro" " take some risks" Those people are worthless and wouldn't have a clue that there are people in the world that are different from them, and function differently and are wired differently. im not some little wimp.

Aspie guys can't break the ice. I've watched it very closely, with others I assume have AS or similar conditions and with myself. Then I watch NT guys, do it. So I can't give you advice. Really you have to talk to them, otherwise you obviously are not going to get anywhere. I hate to talk to girls who just won't say anything, I actually assume they dislike me (with good reason a lot of times), esp if they talk to others. Girls who are really and truly shy I can't get along with. Two shy people don't work.

If you have trouble getting to know girls in person, try meeting them online. Then by the time you meet them face-to-face, you've already established the foundations of some kind of relationship (and I don't mean romance, just a communicative connection). I used to work in a job that allowed me to chat girls up on the phone before I met them, and it made the whole introduction process much less awkward for me. Let's just say that Wilt Chamberlain trash talk don't impress me none.

Two words of advice. STOP WHINING. I was Emo when Emo wasn't cool, and guess what - it STILL ISN'T COOL. That hypersensitive "why don't you like me?" stuff will get you dropped like a hot potato. You want to get a girl's attention - shut the F**k up and listen to her. She's the most interesting person in the world and she knows it. Don't argue, it will get you nowhere. You are interesting TO her only so long as you are fascinated BY her.

Finally: Never let 'em see you sweat. No matter how awkward or uncomfortable, no matter how non-confident you feel or how much it hurts, never let on that anything is less than perfectly fine. Smile now, Cry later, in the privacy of your own car.

I'm glad someone has realized that girls are the most important peoples.

I know that that's how the world works and all that, but you know what? f**k that. I wouldn't want a girl who would be immediately unattracted to me whenever I showed vulnerability, whenever I showed that I was HUMAN and that I suffered just like everyone else.

I am starting to wonder if I am the only girl who posts on these types of threads.

I wouldn't mind if a guy was "vulnerable," especially to things that I say. That would show that he actually cares about my opinion of him.

Be vulnerable to her experiences, tell similar ones, build a relationship. my god.

Im not whining....well i guess I am im explaining about my circumstances but you know what? Im not Emo and I never have been. I dont put my emotions up for grabs for people to take advantage of. Oh and WHY would you "shut the F**K up and listen to her"?? I listen to her but girls arent the most important beings on earth. Maybe you would rather submit to them and let them walk over you for how great they all are and how kind they are for giving you their time.

Never let anyone see you sweat? I have been doing that my whole life and I beleive that Is the reason why all my emotions have become bottled up and Nobody noticed any of My AS symptons growing up. Because I hid everything and i still do now? I really wouldnt want a relationship if I had to bottle things up even more.

You can hide more and be fake with your girls but that isnt for me. The door swings both way theres only so much I can pretend to be interested in what she has to say before she reciprocates. I would never listen to any girl "blah blah blah" all day long and pretend to eat it up.

f**k how the world works. Why should I have to follow things that Im not comfortable doing just because its the way everyone else does it? Iv been doing that (trying to do that) my whole life to a degree and its gotten me NOWHERE.

NOWHERE.......Iv tried acting like an NT talking to girls like an NT. And it actually has at times gotten me closer and spared some interest ever though I found it hard to follow through. But yknow what ?? At the end of the day im still acting. Im not being myself. F**K THAT. REALLY

First off I read the article and it fits me very well. I've never had female friends exceot when I was very young.


Now to this a**hole below me. He isn't emo and neither am I. You said "shut the F**k up" he doesn't even talk to many girls and if he does all he does is listen. The point of this was the lack of a conversation between us and members of the opposite sex, not for only talking about themselves but for the lack of reply and pursuing more into a conversation.

Okay, I probably shouldn't be shoving my opinion in since I've never been on a date and only once had an ALMOST gf, but first thing's first: I've AS. I admit it. I'm proud of it. But when I started high school, I was one of the shyest people in the school. Then in 10th grade I started reading dating articles, and realized how far behind I was in comparison with my NT schoolmates. As-such, I decided to talk to anyone and everyone whenever possible to increase my social awareness and abilities. A couple years later, it might look like I hadn't really progressed. I haven't been on any dates--yet--and have yet to get someone interested. But you'd be wrong if you thought that. I had learned several forms of subconscious communication and most importantly had acquired friends. Friends who liked me when I first met them. I later found out that that is the key. First impressions are a LOT more important than can be emphasized. Many people say that how you talk with someone in the first five minutes will determine their relationship with you throughout your life. If those girls you try and talk with don't like you, then forget them--move on, meet new people. Some will instantly take a disliking when they talk to you, but who cares about them? If you've somehow offended these women, you'll have to try and ditch them, or try and make amends. I once had this bitter hatred for a peer who I later learned is a lot more like me than I previously guessed. Lightening020, you are acting emo. Trust me--we've plenty in my school. You find reassurance in your lack of emotional control, and that's what women find unattractive. Women are not to be submitted to. They're to INTERACT with. Women find submissive men unattractive because who's to say he'll submit only to her? From a psychological and evolutionary point of view, its a hazard that can't be taken.

@EA
Yes, it was quite clear to me when I was in High School how far back I was. I don't know if it was because of AS, or that from 4-11 seemed like 30 years compared since 18. I only see myself as a level of someone around 18. Went from 13/14 and increased 4-5 years in only 2.5 years, starting from second semester freshman year. I've been studying and increasing quite nicely.

You have to talk. no matter what.

We do try you stupid ass! We are anti-social, at least I am, which is way beyond being shy. I crave to get the nerve but every time I try. I've gotten the courage once to talk to a girl before, after I had a few, everything went ok and nothing happened from it.

Some of you people are no help to us that have REAL social anxieties.

Here's what you don't get. That time i just mentioned, was the FIRST time ever I appoarched ANYONE (Male or Female), other than my parents, and intiated a conversation.

Even talking to my mom only happened a couple times.

I do concur! I was hit on quite a bit in high school however I never really picked it up and it was so hard to take initiative. My female friends virtually forced me to asked a girl out that I liked but it was really hard to learn it then. I always get dumped cause I was to nice or to accommodating. I was always trying to be the smart guy all the time than being myself so that scared them away too. Ive been seeing a really beautiful gal (she always gets hit on ) for over a year now and really no kinks so far except her parents hate me. She is great she is really accommodating and very helpful with my life.

Be mostly intellectual on the first date and tell her up front how you experience things differently have 1/4 humor by being cocky and full of yourself in a humorous way (I honestly think this is the kind of confidence females are attracted to) Sets up a rapport.

Second date add up the humorous cockiness and be yourself and do something other than a movie/dinner. (Get to know each other)

When she starts smart talking back and "lovingly" hits you ... She is letting her guard down and being herself too-not being shy anymore (I know its counterintuitive!! ! Make her be the aggressive one haha) The common mistake for most guys is that they don't let it be her idea when its time to get physical.

And she no fun to be around then and move on.

Ya I doubt I'd have much a problem after the fact, of getting a date. Its the appoarch thats hard.

Ok stupid ass, then find someone as unbelievably shy as you. I was trying to give my advice since I KNOW how hard it is and I know forcing yourself not to be anxious is the only way. Something which I have not fully succeeded at yet, but you call me names. So yes, stupid ass suck it up and go cry somewhere else. Since your calling people who are trying to help names.