Pretty, popular girls...

Post Reply New Topic

Here's something that bugs me.

The girls I tend to be attracted to often have a lot of friends. They're never the most popular girls in school, because they always tend to be strange in some way, but they do tend to be nice and pretty in a weird sort of way. Unfortunately, nice, pretty people are popular even when they're weird.

Which means they have more friends to spend time with, many of whom are more important to them than you will ever be.

Which means they have less time and attention to devote to you.

Which makes it hard as all hell to get very close to them because they're always already talking to someone or busy doing something.

It also means that they know more people and that there are always more appealing options when it comes to dating.

In short, it just kinda sucks and I don't really know what to do about it. It's hard because I can't control who I'm attracted to.

Any thoughts?

I doubt this will be of any help to you but I killed any part of me that went for the girls you mentioned. I think I would rather die then become a guy that they would find attractive because in order to do that, I would have to become a sheep than bows to the social norms and the thought of that makes me sick to my stomach. I tend to go for less popular down to earth girls and women that are 1-5 years older than I am. I would really like to find an aspie female but my college only has the pretty, popular girls you mention. I would probably date them if they were interested in me but we would not last long since I refuse to conform to the norms of our peers. Oh well, if they don't like me for being different then it's their loss.

forget them

Try befriend girls who arent popular but are still Not *bad looking*(if you know what I mean ). Believe it or not they do exist but are often difficult to spot(except online).Pretty girls often become popular quickly if they have extroverted tendencies and the ones who actually are truly introverted tend to "dress down" to avoid unwanted attention. No matter how weird a girl is, if she's pretty, guys will take notice and try to hook up with her.

If I had a dollar for every pretty, popular girl I was attracted to...

No, I don't believe you can control who you are attracted to, but I do believe that you can widen your circle of interest. Most girls I know have extensive social networks that reach even to the most unpopular girls. So basically if you get to know at least one person in the system then the likeliness of you getting to know one of the "pretty, popular girls" is fairly good.
Also most girls are serious when it comes to relationships. If she likes you enough then she will be concerned whether or not you have time and attention for her.

it comes with the territory... if you're attracted to them, chances are someone else is, too. If you're looking for someone who has few friends, and is attracted to you, you may find the reason is even though they're 'weird', there's a darker side there.

Look at it from a socialization perspective. If you hang around with her, then maybe some of her not-so-pretty friends might be worth some attention. Look past the looks, and see what's inside. There's beauty inside many a 'plain' wrapper...

Even so, he should try to get to know some weird girls who are not-so-popular but still cute(maybe just not as noticeable).
I have to disagree with you about the last 2 sentences though Alaspi. A LOT of girls really arent all that serious about relationships, ESPECIALLY those who are highly sociable and have a large circle of friends. Many girls still want time for their friends and dont like it when their bfs get jealous and possessive with them. You also have to keep in mind Veresae that a lot of girls are quite fickle around your age and it seems the more social they are the more fickly they're inclined to be.

True. But this means you also have to be willing to accept the "dressing down" thing. I hung out with a guy for about a month who picked me out, and decided he had the right to choose what I wore, so I looked more like the typical "extroverted pretty" type... he was kind of a jerk.

true true, some are quite fickle. and nobody should be jealous and possessive. maybe what I was trying to say was that if a girl really likes you she will make time for you but not abandon her friends.

The best thing I ever did when it came to women was talk to them.

A lot of times, Aspies focus on the negatives.

She has lots of friends.

She has better options in the dating world.

etc. etc. etc.

The point is, don't let any of this stop you.

Sure many girls have friends. Girls are social by nature.
Even the most hideous and deformed girl in the world will have friends.

If you are attracted to a girl you feel is out of your "league" try this.

Next time you see one, go strait up to her and say "Hi, my name is ___ and I would like to get to know you"

This will open up a conversation and also show her you are indeed attracted to her.

A lot of things you can say from here such as Is she into sports? Is she into dancing? Does she like U2 or REM better? Does she have a pet...

The sooner you find things in common the sooner you will be attractive to her also.

Sure it is hard to do. That's why you have to make a decision to tough it out or go home crying.

The old saying "You never know till you try" applies here.

So prepare for the worst case scenario of rejection and walk up strong.

All women are attracted to confidence.

-Zane

Here's a rather obvious question for the OP--do all these girls that you're attracted to share a common quality BESIDES being popular? Obviously there are pretty girls who aren't popular. Maybe you just desire popularity, and it's affecting your search for a partner.

Pretty popular girls that are a bit weird are typically the nicest girls you will find, but they rarely will date an AS guy. I've liked these types and they are truely good souls and good people, I don't have a negative word to say for her. God bless her.

I totally agree.

^ I wasn't going to post in here as I've never cared about popularity and you can never judge a book all the time by its cover. But that's an interesting concept above me, what zee put.

Oh, you misunderstand. I don't mean the type of popular girls who are ORDINARY. I mean the types of girls who are popular with the strange sorts. I live in the Bay Area so there is no shortage of strange people here. By "popular" I just mean they have a lot of other friends and admirers vying for their attention so it's hard for them to find any time for you. They can be hated by 90% of the student body and still have too many friends to have time for you.



I just befriend any girls I have things in common with, which is hard enough, since there aren't too many people I feel a strong connection to, and most people I know are uber-busy. If not with other people, then with school and work. I always look at someone as a friend first, and if I don't work as a friend with them then it's not like a relationship will work.

The fact of the matter is, though, that if I'm not attracted to someone I'm not going to try to be anything more than friends with them, and because I'm so picky about appearances and because I wouldn't date someone who wasn't kind, I end up being romantically attracted almost exclusively to the very attractive girls who are very nice and very strange. So it's not as simple as just noticing the "kinda cute" girls; I'll notice them, but probably won't find them attractive. >.<



Sorry, but totally off.

There are many common qualities--most of them are gothic, most of them are kind, intelligent, most of them lack religion, most of them are bisexual, most of them have a penchant for dark rock music like Evanescence or Marilyn Manson, etc. etc. etc. And, as I said, they're all very attractive. Hot goth girls, mostly. If you're a very attractive girl, people tend to approach you, and if you're nice then you aren't mean to them about it. So this leads to a lot of friends.

I don't desire popularity. I would rather have a few close friends and a lover.