emotionlessness

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OK, so I'll be PC here in this thread and promulgate that there is NO difference between the emotionality based on gender ......well here's my experience: My first gf was completely and totally EMOTIONLESS! She NEVER laughed-just an affected chuckle whenever she felt nervous, never told jokes, never cried in front of me or raised her voice. She ALWAYS had a hushed, monotonous voice and she is to this day the ONLY woman I've ever met who's mood and behaviour were completely unaffected by her menstrual cycle. I have met a few guys like that but she remains to this day the ONLY woman like that. IF women like this arent extremely rare, why are they so hard to find??? I really liked her chronically even temperment because she was unphased and unintimidated by my intensity and aggression. Ive met other women who appear to be easing going, until you get 'em upset . I sometimes think that a person with such a temperment is essentially what I need in order to have a successful relationship. Other women have often complained about my emotional expressivity and volatility and they are scared of it. EVEN all the aspie women Ive met seem just as emotional as NT women.

I'm married to a man who is very even-tempered and low in expressive behaviors. Mostly this is good, it balances me!

But it has it's drawbacks. Really I think they key is overall chemistry, not a cut and dry this-is-my-ideal sort of thing.

i have not had a girlfriend yet but have many female friends...
they have big mood swings and they get quite scary ...
i think an emotionless female who is not affected by menstrul cycle is very good find.

is she intellectual?

Im not suprised. Guys like that are fairly easy to find, since that is the social norm for men.

Also Mikomi, I really WASNT trying to say that such is my ideal. NOT at all. I can deal with emotional women, the question is:
Can emotional women deal with ME. You GET?? Many women who Ive met have told me that they were PUT OFF by my intensity and my emotional volatility! For them it was intimidating and a little scary. A woman(actually my grandma)told me that women instinctively Fear that highly emotional men are potentially VIOLENT. I can tell you personally that many women fear
that Im a potentially violent person even though I have never actually hurt anyone. Emotionlessness in women is quite a turn-on for me but f*****g hell its VERY hard to find. I feel like you were being very dismissive of what I said Mikomi and its very irksome .

Might I add: when someone who Im around is in a foul mood and is being angry and pushy towards me when its clear not my fault.....now THAT is something I REALLY react to! If someone is going to be involved with me they're gonna need
to learn how not to push my buttons and do things that provoke me cuz I can be very hot-headed and exceedingly impatient.

Could be upbringing. Some girls grow up taught obey the man, don't cause a fuss and such

If she's "emotionless," why would she be motivated to date or spend time with you (or anyone in particular)?

In the case of my first gf Christine, I seriously doubt it.

I'm in the opposite situation the girl I just started dating is very agressive and hotheaded. I think what mokomi said as dismissive as you seem to think it was is correct. While emotionally balanced females may work your significantly lowering your choices I think it might even be easier to just work on your hotheadness and your emotional level.

Lets think of it as a math problem of sorts. If there is let says 5% of the population that could be your perfect match and your behaviors ( sorry I don't know what else to call it) has made you select a trait which is in 15% of women and then your lowering percentages based on your area then your basically making your chance of meeting women who may not be the perfect 5% but could make you happy for the short term. If you worked on what deterred women from dating you you have a much better chance . Not to mention how do you know that 5% is not one of the girls you accidentally deterred who will like your emotional expressivity but not in the very beginning.

Also just to note people with Asperger's and the other disorders that frequent this site are less likely to commit violent crimes. Assuming that they don't know your aspie they just see your emotional levels which people who are very emotional can be the type to commit a violent crime in emotional response to something assuming your relatively young.

Well, I think there are definitely some emotional changes based on gender related hormones. For example, I'm a pretty emotionally low-key gal myself...this is partially why most of my friends are men, they seem to feel more comfortable with this kind of personality.

Until I had my first extremely intense, personal long-term relationship I pretty much thought I had no emotions whatsoever. But he taught me to open up a bit, and I relearned how to care and cry and all that good stuff. Then as I got older I started to have certain emotions that I think can be more attributed to my female biology- just in the last year or two, I started to be much more emotionally moved by the idea of the mother-child bond. Not saying I want kids now or anything silly like that, just that I suddenly started crying at all sad mother/child stories and smiling at babies. Odd, but classically female I suppose.


Other than that, I am much less openly emotional than other females. And my mood is not noticeably affected by my period- no one can usually tell, unless I get anemic and sick.

But I also think my hormones during that time are weaker than that of the average female- this is my only evidence:

Everytime I've lived with another girl (so far it's been 9) and she gets her time of the month, mine will switch to match hers. (Happens with all girls who live together in case you didn't know, but the point is- MY hormones always end up losing to theirs.) Her hormonal changes will be strong enough to stop my normal cycle and restart it so I match up with her.

So, I would say my seemingly unaffected mood/behavior from PMS seems to put me in the minority. I don't know how rare it is though. But my experiences alone would put me in a bottom 10%.

Since when is emotional volatility something someone should enjoy or put up with? Let me get this straight YOU want someone who is emotionally very cool and tempered and able to deal with other people's volatility (ideally)...you LIKE that in a woman....but you won't offer that in return to a woman. Grandma was right. I agree with her. And fyi, I do not think emotionally calm and balanced men are the norm, good luck finding them! I become alarmed when someone tries to dump their emotional baggage and fluctuations and temper on me (it's different when you're married or in a relationship, sharing the burden is supposed to happen then). Especially when this individual doesn't feel like sharing MINE!

The thing you have to understand is that if put 2 emotionally volatile and expressive people together in a relationship, ESPECIALLY if they're living together, they're emotional outbursts are going to drive each other CRAZAY!
Now it sounds like you are even tempered yet bothered by other peoples emotional intensity. The thing about Christine is that to this date she's the only I ever met who WASNT bothered by my intesnity, aggression, and volatile emotions. I was once told
that Im a "considerate" and senstive person-by that I mean considerate of others feelings when others make it clear what their emotional state is. I would have a VERY hard time with someone who's indirect but still emotional and expects the other person to Read them. WHY is my OP so offensive and offputting to you folks? Im rather suprised its drawing such criticism....

The most obvious answer is she was chronically depressed. (Maybe because she was dating you? ) No, seriously, when people are depressed they eventually sink into a sort of state where nothing seems to matter--they can't get excited or find joy in anything, but at the same time they don't care about the down side because they're already so down and have nothing to lose.
Also, you don't mention any substance abuse, but that would most likely be an aggrivating factor, not a cause.

Wow zee, you are Really a f*****g clueless moron sometimes!
Seriously though, the things you say about people are SO f*****g out of the ballpark! I wonder sometimes if you get some sort of thrill by being passive-aggressive and saying things to provoke people regardless of whether or not they're actually true. .Christine in fact was a person that you probably have never encountered before in entire life. Or lets just put it this way: she was NOTHING like you. That being said, not showing any emotion is NOT a sign of depression. Its a sign that she simply did not express her emotions; and NOT a sign that she didnt have any. She was not apathetic to me or to the world in the slightest bit. I would say that her pesonality was very much consistent with someone on the Autistc spectrum though .
BTW, FYI, its pretty much impossible to take anything that you say seriously!

Ah the friendliness of wrongplanet. It's refreshing to see people being so friendly here.

D1nkO, you gave a vague description of this girl you dated. It's reasonable for someone to believe, based on your description of this girl, that she was depressed.

Yeah you're right. The reason for my hostile reaction was that nasty little embedded remark about how she mightve been "depressed from dating me" ; grrrrrr . I thought that briefly for a while but she really did NOT have any of the telltale signs of depression. Ive been depressed myself and been around depressed people and she really wasnt like that at all.