Stereotypes, Dating, and the Rudest Comment I've Ever Heard

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I was talking with a group of female friends the other day about what we look for in a potential boyfriend.

During the conversation, when I was saying I wasn't really into Aspie guys, one girl remarked that I "can't date Neurotypical guys" because I "have nothing in common with them".

Fuming angry at her words, I looked her straight in the eyes and said, "So you're saying that people can only date people who possess similar characteristics to themselves?"

"Yes," she said.

"Well," I remarked coolly, "if that's the case, then you should only date idiots."

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I'm not attracted to Aspie guys. I can't help it. I'm not a typical Aspie girl...I have the technical symptoms, but none of the stereotypical ones.

Has anyone else ever been told that they're "too weird" to date an NT? Or, conversely, does anyone have any NT/AS relationship success stories?

This bias is revolting.

There are so many pros and cons to dating both types.

so. . where do you MEET all these Aspies, anyway?

I mean, male Aspies are one in 10,000, right? and female Aspies are what, one in 40,000 so where is everyone meeting all these suitable Aspies for dating, anyway?

I'm not kidding around, I really wanna know!

Merle

Yeah, I can't answer the question because, as far as I know, I've never met an AS woman. More generally though:

I couldn't tell you for sure whether I prefer women with AS, because I've hardly met any, but from what little experience I do have I suspect I have no preference.

I knew AS was different in terms of social akwardness and etc depending on how high functioning they are.

What I didn't know was that they were that different and easy to spot like a criminal profile.

No offense and your friend sounds like a true idiot but this topic makes me feel like a label since I was diagnosed with something called AS.

Reminds me of some kind of dating show like......

Who Would You Date? A Weird Aspie or A Successful NT?

......nothing personal it's just an image I get from this topic.

Where do I find so many Aspies? College.

I agree, MissConstrue...this acquaintance of mine is an idiot. She obviously has no comprehension of what it means to have AS...and she obviously has no respect for me, either.

I think a big part of it is overcoming the label. I mean, I love the Aspie community--truly I do. I love knowing that people like me are out there. But I just want to say that we're all entitled to love who we want to, and I wish people could forget about the diagnosis and just love people for who they are.

I fall for guys who are like me in all other respects. Opposites may not always attract...but for me, I don't think that I shouldn't stop myself from dating a guy based simply on the fact that he's neurotypical.

And who knows? Maybe I'm crushing on undiagnosed Aspies. A few guys I've dated have definitely possessed some of the symptoms.

I just want to love someone unconditionally, without regard to labels or diagnoses.

So, where the rudest comment you ever heard? I didn't read it anywhere.

Any two people may have shared & separate characteristics, regardless of their neurological status. I've not met (knowingly) anyone with an ASD, so my only reference is myself (and what I've read written by others). My boyfriend is "NT" but he understands, to some extent, aspects of how I am.

He & I are similar & also very different from each other, in variety of ways. He is social, sensory-seeeking (likes a lot of vestibular input, such as roller coasters), and versatile. I'm mostly avoidant of socializing & public places (agoraphobic), hypersensitive to sensory stimuli (can't stand being moved around, makes me ill riding in the car), and pretty narrow in my interests & tolerances (not ideologically or sociologically, but viscerally). He's independent, I'm (embarrassed to say) dependent. I crave intellectual information & he hasn't time for much of that. We make up for each other's shortcomings, and enhance each other's lives.

If we were too much like each other-or too dissimilar-we wouldn't get along or work well together. It's balancing act.

I wouldn't expect a person with a particular dx to be restricted to only seeking partners from pool of those with same label. No one says people with heart disease, brain tumor, diabetes, lupus, OCD, PTSD, schizophrenia or paraplegia should only be with others w/that condition. The dx itself shouldn't be rule that either includes or excludes potential partners. However, everyone also has right to respect his/her own preferences & attractions, and if one happens not to be interested in someone with specific traits, no one should be "guilt-tripped" into seeking out or avoiding somone merely due to their diagnostic label.

People meet other people & they either are or are not interested in each other, the dx that either might have may not be apparent at first. Rules (based one one's personal experiences up to current moment) may be guide for behavior, but real people one meets can upend those "presets"-and one may end up with someone that doesn't fall under that definition (of desired parameters for a partner, that one tends to find appealing). You just never know...

I think it's too limiting to say "I'll only date aspies" or "I'll only date NT's," and I don't think it's always uber-clear when someone's an aspie or when they're NT--some have elements of both.

Me, I'd prefer to date someone with the good points of an aspie--the intelligence, the eccentricity, the non-conforming attitude, and the obsessiveness--but without the bad social skills or lack of empathy that some aspies have. So a really weird NT would do, as would an aspie who had worked on their communication skills so deeply that they no longer could really be considered disabled.

Love is love. If you like someone enough, you will overlook some of their flaws.

I saw this even though I am an NT who is having a rough experience with my relationship with an Aspie. But I'd happily date another Aspie. I give everyone a chance. You never know what kinds fo differences other people will have that you just may fall in love with.