Lol terrible idea with girl at work!

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Alright. So. lol.. wtf...

Ok, I was sitting next to this girl in a van at work the other day. Everything was all well and good, but then she tilted her body to lean on me instead of her seat. Apparently it took me forever to notice, but I did eventually, and said something about it that totally didn't matter.

Anyway, then.. lets see... she probably pushed my head to rest on the top of her's and I did for a bit. Blah blah, getting more comfortable with each other I put my arm around her abdomen she rested her arm on my thigh, and we started kissing a bit.

Alright, first, basic info:
I'm 20
She's 2 months older than me

The problems:
She has a son who's 4
Her "baby's daddy" is still in the picture (but is a douchebag to her, she knows it too)

The fun parts:
I've only known her for 5 months or so, but in the last couple of days I worked with her (3 in 3 weeks) I feel like we have a really strong emotional bond. We talk about a lot of things, problems, etc.
On the day that we were, whatever you want to call it, I swear to god, I felt closer to her, and more comfortable with her, than any of my girlfriends in the past. I had absolutely NO fear when I went to kiss her -- all of my ex's took me like, 15 minutes to muster up a peck
I honestly feel, no exaggeration, that she displayed greater emotional affection towards me on that one day than any of my ex's had during their respective stints with me.

The now:
People at work have gotten awfully suspicious of us, so we've toned down a lot of everything. Very reasonable. She told me (i think this is what she meant anyway) that nothing can really happen between us because she can't really leave her boyfriend, she lives really far away from me, and also it's hard for her to *leave her son* somewhere to spend time with me.

My interpretation:
We both really want to be with each other, but we both have our own circumstances that don't really allow that to happen. She's very involved with her life and her situation, and it's very closed at the moment to replacing her boyfriend.
I'm very young and not capable of supporting a (small) family whilst still "concentrating" on my studies with the hopes of attending a medical school.

My further actions:
I want to take her to dinner after work one night, and just talk to her about how I feel, explain that she taught me a lot in what to expect from a girl that likes me for who and what I am as opposed to what I've dated in the past, and possibly tell her something along the lines about how I wish things were different in our lives so that we could actually date and see how things go between us.

Your guys' and girls' thoughts?
*Note: We haven't really talked much at ALL about what happened that day and what is to happen, so a lot of my statements on what she says and stuff are really just educated guesses. The only thing I DO KNOW FOR A FACT is that she thinks I would be an excellent boyfriend, she said something along those lines one day.

Dude, you have no idea what you're in for.

If you want a relationship, at least wait till she ends it with her boyfriend.

Points to consider:
-She has a kid. Are you up to helping raise him?
-If she cheats on her boyfriend, wait makes you so sure she wouldn't do it to you?
-You're still in medical school. Finish your education before doing anything that could interfere.

Danger Will Robinson, Danger!!

Oh YOU! You sound like logic....

*grumble grumble*

Well you see, I just want to point out that absolutely NONE of this was calculated. It just *happened,* in fact, on the day that it happened, I was intending on trying to boost her self confidence by saying something like "I just want to let you know that you are beautiful, no matter what you boyfriend makes you think, and if I didn't have any respect for him I'd try asking you out on a date."

But crap. I guess I don't have respect for him. Lolol

Yeah, I know, a kid. Raising a kid? I have absolutely no idea, now I'll be honest with you like I would with her -- my education comes first. But since my education also requires little effort outside the classroom, I think that I would be capable of working *with* her to raise a child.

And I thought about that whole cheating thing. And I'm pretty sure she never cheated on him prior to me. And the explanation is relatively simple -- that her boyfriend is an honest to god dirtbag, thieving, negletful parent that makes her feel like crap and that she was driven to me by him.


Yes. Dangerous indeed also. Lol, nice quote

I am trying to tread lightly. I mean now that my feet are a tad more on the ground. I want a definition from her: What do you want between us? Or Thank you for teaching me what I should look for in a girl.

Well, at least you know some of the potential pitfalls. I'd still wait till she was out of the relationship with her boyfriend. Once that happens, and if you think you can handle the extra responsibility, I'd say go for it.

If a relationship can't materialize, then perhaps friendship would be best.

BTW, how has her boyfriend been a dirt bag and why can't she leave him?

Oh well I Wouldn't go for anything very serious while she was still involved with that guy -- frankly it becomes a 'him or me' thing. I realize it's the kid's father, and that's ok, but like, you can't date both of us

And it's something that I'm definitely willing to give a try (raising a child). Fortunately for me, if it doesn't work out, I get to go home scott-free, unfortunately for her she gets screwed over... but that is already a tremendous double standard in the biological birthing process so I Don't think I'm entirely at fault for that.

But one major major point still remains, what about my idea of taking her to dinner to thank her for being a good model of what a girlfriend of mine should act like? Or is it a good (or bad idea) but too premature to do now?

-BTW, how has her boyfriend been jerk and why can't she leave him? Are you sure he's that bad?
-If she gets screwed over as a result, that makes you a bad boyfriend

that would make me a bad *ex* boyfriend.

point 1) the baby's-daddy.
He never does anything she asks him to. Buy pullups. Feed her son. Change her son. Put her son to bed at a reasonable time (Is often up past midnight at age 4). He cheats on her (she has caught him). She loans him her car (his license got suspended) and he is frequently late when picking her up (Once he was more than 50 miles away (was 45 mins late), another he was "out bowling" and was an hour late) -- I wait with her during these times, and we talk or play solitare. He frequently borrows exorbent amounts of money from her "for gas" -- $100 every 4 days, yet her car (that he is borrowing) is always on an empty tank. He has hit her in the past. He curses at her, insults her, and routinely asks her why she didn't get an abortion.

Your second point: Yes. That would indeed make me a terrible person. And I wouldn't want that to happen anyway. I care about her tremendously. If it came to us dating I would want for things to work out, but I can't be held responsible for them not. If the latter were 'reasonable' then why not blame me for high gas prices, why we haven't inhabited another planet, and Lindsay Lohan's stupidity?

(P.S. I'm still laughing occasionally over 'danger will robinson...' Lol, actually it's borderline stim behavior, but 'sall the same maybe)

Go for it, she obviously seeking someone else other than her kid's daddy.

This risk will be always there in all relationships.




University is the best place for dating opportunities , especially for an aspie...there' would be no better place after graduation.
Besides, medical school takes ages ...he won't probably graduate before 30.

You clearly understand the situation and know what you're in for. Pain, hurt, disappointment, betrayal, self-loathing, getting used and thrown away like a tampon, yada, yada, yada...



You're equally clearly going to do the stupid thing and follow your c**k, no matter what anybody tells you. I don't really know why you're asking, unless you're just secretly fantasizing that we'll all say: "Go for it, dude!" This rocks! You can't lose here!" And you know (and can now see) that isn't going to happen. Do what you must, but know going in, that you're jumping into the fire here, and not getting burned IS NOT AN OPTION. Good luck and enjoy your scars.

Don't get me wrong, if you can get laid and walk away unscathed, good for you, that's absolutely the best that could happen here. But it sounds like you're already too emotionally invested in fantasizing about possible futures for that. Raising a kid you haven't even met, get real...

-the risk can be minimized
-All the more reason to finish early

Actually in regards to your response I get the feeling that I didn't properly explain what I meant by the whole dinner thing. That's me moving on. You know how most people don't tell other's how important they are to them because they take them for granted? Well I try to make a point out of letting people people know if they are involved in a temporary relationship with myself (Bosses, teachers, etc). And the whole dinner thing was just a way of thanking her for showing me what female affection should be and officially ending all potential getting laid.

And frankly, I could give two craps about getting laid, I'm not the kind of male that enjoys 'collecting p****' -- it doesn't make sense, down right illogical to me.

Raising a kid I don't know? I'm an optimist, but I do see your point.

Anyway, I just want to thank everyone for their contribution so far ^_^, especially IpsoRandomo, you are fun .

I think it's the emotional affection and the cuddles and kisses she gave you that made you have a crush on her. You probably haven't experienced a girl acting so warm and affectionate with you, so when that girl did that, it had an effect on you. Think about it: are you genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with that girl, or are those feelings resulting from the affection? Could it be that you're more drawn to the affection she gave you than to the girl herself? Do you believe that no other girl will give it to you?

You're probably riding on the high wave of euphoria, looking down below you. After all, you've had some good times with that girl (both physically and emotionally), and she gave you something no one else gave you before. And I'm sure it all felt amazing. The relationship you're envisioning is probably one of the best ones you can have.

But let's get off the high wave, and get back to earth for a minute. That girl has a child, and where the girl goes, the child goes. Are you truly willing to accept a "package deal"? Also, she has a boyfriend who treats her like sh*t. As we all know, girls tend to stay with jerks, no matter how badly they're treated; it's part of some human evolutionary mechanism, and sadly, it works against aspie guys. So that girl is more likely to stay with the jerk than leave him for you, because he's more of an alpha male type (and also because he's the father).

You've heard my opinion, and you've heard other people's. I think you can take it from here, and make your own decision. Just don't let the warm feelings from the affection cloud your best judgment. If I were you, I'd enjoy my time at work with her, and not try to start a relationship. I'd see it as a way of making work more fun, spending time with a really nice person, and getting a regular "affection fix" in the process. But I know that not everyone can compartmentalize things like that.

Words can not explain my thanks to you for having such an insightful response. I have trouble remembering things, and I hope this doesn't sound creepy, but I'm going to print it out and tape it to the back of my bedroom door (I tape lots of things there that I need to remember).

She is a nice and affectionate girl, but all in all I do understand that things most certainly wouldn't be easy between us, and most certainly not how I had envisioned things playing out in my mind (prior to our encounter). I guess I just didn't think about how her affection has caused, for lack of a better phrase, temporary insanity.

I think that unusual leaning on the shoulder to me is a sign of whorish flirt.

Let face it, you are hitching a ride or driving a van and the person you work with out of the blue lean on your shoulder.

I smelled whorish flirt.

Believe me.... it would hit any guy who a first timer.

Secondly, she carrying a baby and the boyfriend dumping her. There is no law that protect the child if the child is born out of wedlock. How do you expect she going to find money beside WIC and possible child social security welfare? OH yeah! Hit on some suspecting co-workers.

That a good sign of possible gold digging let alone if you take the relationship further heck she can make you the "person" to take care of her.

Solution: Next day apologize for any actions you have and tell her that you are not the person that she looking for. She might get angry or kind of like doing something like slap you in the face but believe it or not it the only way.

What an awful post! Maybe you should move to Iran?

I agree with whoever wrote that insightful message about riding the wave of euphoria and being attracted to the AFFECTION rather than the person. THAT was a good post right there. I would try to do what this post says!

But this one? Making this girl a wh_re? For just sitting by her coworker (that she has known for 5 months) and feeling attracted to him? It's CHEMICAL too, my friend..chemicals being released by staying so close and causing the "temporary insanity" on BOTH sides. Sounds to me she has a pretty hard life. But let's throw some stones anyway at someone we don't know. Oh and she has a JOB, not collecting welfare and she's the one lending money to her bf, not the other way around. Please think about what you just wrote and about WHY you expressed such frustration. Maybe you're projecting your own experiences onto this?