These days, when I see a cute guy or girl . . .

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EvilKimEvil
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16 May 2008, 10:25 pm

. . . . I just want to run away and hide!

I think, "Oh, not now! I am not prepared for this! I'll probably say the wrong thing. Better disappear before I act like an idiot."

I can talk to these people normally, but I always try to exit the conversation ASAP because I just feel overwhelmed by it.

Does anyone else get this way? I'm not always like this - sometimes I'm pretty confident. I wonder what's at the root of it.



viska
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16 May 2008, 10:34 pm

I do, sometimes, too. The root of it is that you want to avoid the pain that happens on the chance that you approach him/her and he/she rejects you.

Unfortunately, this rejection-avoidance strategy is not a very good one (at least as a guy. (I don't know how to find a good bf as a girl, as I'm not one.)) The reason it's not good as a guy is that you must be able to shrug off many rejections in order to find a good partner.



Veresae
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16 May 2008, 10:40 pm

Argh, totally. It's horrible, because I spend the whole time wishing someone attractive would happen to walk by...then one does and I feel terrified and embaressed. It's not so bad if they're alone, or if there's something I can comment on. Like if they have a shirt for a band I like, BOOM, piece of cake, I can talk to them and keep it up. Or if they're reading a book I love. Something like that. But most of the time there are no real oppertunities of that sort, and they're usually talking to friends, or holding onto a boi...I feel that it's rude to interrupt.... >.<

EvilKimEvil wrote:
I'm not always like this - sometimes I'm pretty confident. I wonder what's at the root of it.


Have you been rejected a lot lately, Kim? Or do you feel less secure about your appearance than you have in the past?



EvilKimEvil
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16 May 2008, 11:14 pm

Veresae wrote:
Argh, totally. It's horrible, because I spend the whole time wishing someone attractive would happen to walk by...then one does and I feel terrified and embaressed.


Yes, that's exactly how it is with me too.

I think it could have to do with the fact that I'm single for the first time in about 5 years. I've had a lot of long-term relationships, one after the other, and in each one, the guy pursued me after we had been introduced by mutual friends or in a work or school setting. I never had to do anything.

I think I just never really learned how to initiate conversation with an attractive person. Because when I find someone attractive, that can be a huge distraction that makes it hard to focus on the conversation, or anything. Especially when I'm out of practice, so to speak.



viska
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16 May 2008, 11:19 pm

5 years.. I'm sorry. :(

There is a bright side though; Guys aren't really used to being approached by girls and they generally give girls TONS of leeway. Girls can be kind of bitchy towards guys that hit on them because they're approached by different guys all hours of the day... guys, not so much. So I wouldn't be too nervous.

Also. Attractive people are just that, people. They're not different from other people. You make conversation the same way. They are probably also insecure. Try not to get freaked out too much. :)



Veresae
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17 May 2008, 1:44 am

EvilKimEvil wrote:
Yes, that's exactly how it is with me too.

I think it could have to do with the fact that I'm single for the first time in about 5 years. I've had a lot of long-term relationships, one after the other, and in each one, the guy pursued me after we had been introduced by mutual friends or in a work or school setting. I never had to do anything.

I think I just never really learned how to initiate conversation with an attractive person. Because when I find someone attractive, that can be a huge distraction that makes it hard to focus on the conversation, or anything. Especially when I'm out of practice, so to speak.



Aaaaah, I see. No wonder.

Well, you're a girl. Some guy's bound to come over to talk to you. If you see a guy you like, you don't even have to open your mouth. Just make eye contact with him and there's a good chance he'll trot on over.

Unless he's an insecure fellow like me who stares at everyone around him and makes eye contact all the time and often takes it as a sign of being creeped out rather than interest. XD



Thomas1138
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17 May 2008, 1:54 am

I don't expect an attractive person to like me, so it's not usually a problem.



MissConstrue
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17 May 2008, 1:54 am

Hah, do I know the feeling all too well. I used to drink to compensate for that little problem but found it decided to turn against me. :(

Aaargh you AS!! :evil:


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MR_BOGAN
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17 May 2008, 3:26 am

:? I don't judge people by their looks.

I don't understand why you would feel that way around attractive people.


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MrSinister
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17 May 2008, 7:27 am

Yeah, I can totally relate to that - just this past weekend I was at a comics convention, and on one of the stalls was this stupendously attractive Goth woman (Surface of the sun? Half as hot). Far from wanting to talk to her about what her booth was selling, I spent the entire weekend just trying not to make eye contact - because I knew if I did, I'd end up blushing, stammering, and generally making a moron of myself. These things do not make me feel very nice.

And even in normal circumstances, I can find somebody attractive only to listen to my inner cynic telling me to abandon any attempts to say anything... because apparently existing in my own little cocoon is safer...


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Social_Fantom
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17 May 2008, 3:07 pm

These days when I see any girl, I think "Eh, just another girl."


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jawbrodt
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17 May 2008, 3:14 pm

Count me in as well. Childhood abuse has left me very insecure. I am slowly improving though.


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D1nk0
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17 May 2008, 3:31 pm

viska wrote:
I do, sometimes, too. The root of it is that you want to avoid the pain that happens on the chance that you approach him/her and he/she rejects you.

Unfortunately, this rejection-avoidance strategy is not a very good one (at least as a guy. (I don't know how to find a good bf as a girl, as I'm not one.)) The reason it's not good as a guy is that you must be able to shrug off many rejections in order to find a good partner.


I agree. So what I do is simply glare at them and get the hell away. If someone sees me and is interested then its up to THEM to let me know how they feel in a way that I can understand and recognize. By that I mean they need to approach me or flirt with me or something really f*cking Obvious like that. Its been my policy to move on if someone rejects/brushes me off.
Thats happened a few times too many lately so Im just not gonna even bother to take the initiative :x .



EvilKimEvil
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17 May 2008, 5:21 pm

MrSinister wrote:
Yeah, I can totally relate to that - just this past weekend I was at a comics convention, and on one of the stalls was this stupendously attractive Goth woman (Surface of the sun? Half as hot). Far from wanting to talk to her about what her booth was selling, I spent the entire weekend just trying not to make eye contact - because I knew if I did, I'd end up blushing, stammering, and generally making a moron of myself. These things do not make me feel very nice.


Yeah, I would have done the same thing.

Actually, sometimes even when a guy (or a girl, now that I'm living in Lesbian City!) tries to make eye contact or strike up a conversation, I get nervous and just look at the ground and mumble. Or I think about a routine I should be following like, "Well, I was planning to leave the dog park right now so I should not stay and talk to this person just because s/he is hot." Stupid AS thing!!



CottlestonPie
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18 May 2008, 12:44 am

I don't think I will ever be confident enough to approach an a really attractive woman. They make me too nervous. I usually go for women who are medium--not ugly, not the best-looking woman I've ever seen. It's probably because I know I'm medium--handsome, but not the most handsome. I have to be comfortable around a woman I am trying to date. I can never be comfortable around really pretty women. They seem like they're out of my league.