Is it considered a form of rejection when...

Post Reply New Topic

Okay, I have this major problem. It's persisted throughout my entire life and although I worked on it every so often, it's never really went away. Whenever I see a girl look at me, I normally don't return it. It's not that I don't want to and i'm not sure what it is that keeps me from doing it, but I pretend I don't see it. Maybe it's just intimidating for me, maybe it's for fear I will return the glance and it wasn't a look of interest at all, but a look of curiosity like "what the hell is he doing" or even a look of disgust, in any case I wouldn't know. Around my school, around the mall, at the store I notice it from my periphrial and I just can't bring myself to look back and throw a smile at them. Sometimes they come with smiles on their face, sometimes they just stare for a few seconds and turn away as they pass. Whatever the case, I can't bring myself to look them in the eye or even say something to them.

This may be a stupid question but would this be taken as rejection on their part? How do I overcome this? Keep in mind that rejection is probably my biggest fear and I certainly don't want it to be considered as the same the other way around. Not being able to tell what their look means also puts me at a disadvantage there. In the same sense, i'm afraid to check someone out for fear of being caught (the normal NT wouldn't care either way and might actually hope they notice they're being eyed). I feel really embarassed for asking something like this, but it's something I want to change about myself, I just want to know how to overcome it and stop living in fear.

Rejection? No probably not. A not so subtle hint from you that you're not interested so don't bother? Yep.

The only way I know how to fix this problem is to practice smiling. Even if it's just a quick grin acknowledging her existance it's better than nothing.

If someone shoots you a look, whatever it is, just try and get out of your comfort zone, get the eye contact, and return that look.
Whether the look someone shot you was accidental or not, you'll know soon enough if you just return the look.

No, it's not comfortable making eye contact, but if you don't shoot them that look back, they're gonna think you're the one that's not interested in them rather than vice versa.

Yep it probably feels like rejection to the girls. Like they wouldn't be looking at you if they didn't either find you attractive or interesting and they were hoping you would turn and smile and talk to them. Girls read into everything so they probably either take it personally like you don't like them or possibly in their minds you come across as gay if you don't look at them. If girls are giving you the "look" just turn, smile and say hi, how are you and you might get lucky making a new friend.

Yeah. G'day Brandon

I've been away from WP and was looking for Ticker, just to see if she is still around, so saw this thread.

I have trouble reading expressions. For example, there is a bill-board ad campaign on in my city for wine with photos of people supposedly laughing and having a good time. I know that such photos are run past focus groups to see which ones appeal to the target market. But when I see some of the photos, I see pained expressions, not happy ones. That just reinforces what I know, that I am not a good judge of facial expressions. When I was in my early 20's I had a gay friend who was really good at interpreting body language for me. That helped.

I was told once (and I think it to be true) that all women like to think they are attractive and sexy, so even if they say they don't want your smiles, they secretly are complimented by them.

However, Ticker may have a different opinion on that. But if Ticker were to ever change her orientation, and I wasn't married, I would tunnel through the earth to go skinny-dipping with her (that's a compliment, Ticker )

That isn't necessarily you: I've seen lots of fake smiles, and they can look horrible. If they showed the same smiles to a dog, it would probably attack them.

Back to the topic: Try to look back even for a second, and smile. If you have to lower your gaze immediately, no problem - I guess you would eventually want to meet girls who like shy guys, anyway.

Gee thanks Bazza. You're so sweet. Don't be angry with me that I don't have relationships with guys, but I still like them. If ya wanna go skinny dipping though wait a little later in the season...its still cold here. It freakin snowed 5 inches yesterday and it was 79 degrees (Farenheit) only 3 days earlier!!

But back to the subject at hand, I remember awhile back someone posted a link to a facial expressions reading test for Aspies. I failed it miserably. I even went back over the correct answers and could not see how they interpreted the expressions to be what they said. But I think maybe that kind of site could be used as a teaching tool for Aspies. Don't ask me though how you ever master that kinda thing though cuz I haven't yet.

Was that a form of rejection?

I remember that quiz. I couldn't find that, but there is one here http://www.cio.com/article/facial-expressions-test that I got 100% wrong.

Usually if someone shows interest in me, I at least try to explain myself to them. I'm open about being aspie, so it's easy to just say that it's not their fault that I'm not looking at them, it's because I literally have difficulty looking into eyes.

Rejection? From people you see peripherally for seconds at a time? No, it's not.