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emmyy
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15 Jan 2013, 3:30 pm

Hi I'd need some help with this one problem.

It's been a while since I last time wrote here because, everything's been so good and smooth lately. But now I am again really really lost and I need your help.

I met this boy few months ago. We slowly started to get to know each other, and then, I realized I really really much started to like him.
And it was really fast and I fell in love with him.
At first everything was really good and okay, he told me he likes me and loves me and I am perfect the way I am and me being aspie was alright to him.

But now few weeks ago he suddenly stopped talking to me and it was confusing and after some time he said he doesn't want to be with me because, I am so immature and he said I am not ready for a relationship mature wise, and that he can not handle me.
Well he still said he will be here for me and he loves me.
But then little by little he started to ignore me more and more and then stopped talking to me.
And I realized I am so so so clingy towards him, I just can not stay away from him.
I cry, I scream, I do everything to get his attention.
I DON'T WANT TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM I NEED HIM I WANT HIM
I always get what I want now I don't.
He told me I am immature and clingy. And last thing he told me was "next time you like someone, don't be so obsessive".
At first he said it's okay that I am aspie and he understands me. And then not..
Not he has blocked me on skype and he doesn't answer me.
I'm so so so scared, I need him, I'm scared
I don't want to eat I don't want to sleep I just want him near me and I want him talk to me

What can I do ..
I don't want to let go
AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why he did this
WHAT did I do wrong?!


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Geekonychus
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15 Jan 2013, 3:54 pm

It sounds like you are being obsessive and clingy.

.......It also sounds like he's being a jerk.



mercifullyfree
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15 Jan 2013, 4:02 pm

Been there and it feels awful.

He might have said it's ok that you're an aspie, but he could have either been lying or didn't really know what it means enough before he said that. Whatever you did or didn't do wrong doesn't really matter. You're young and everyone is imperfect. Forgive yourself. Remember that you existed before you even knew this person and even though it's hard to believe, he'll eventually fade from your mind and you will be happier when you let go of him, though it will take time.

It's not good for you when your happiness is too wound up and dependent on another person, because that's too unstable. People come and go. Try to shift your focus on anything you've been interested in besides this person. Make sure it's something besides another person or the cycle will repeat! If anything, that was the only thing you did wrong. Too much of your happiness was dependent on a person. Do not pursue him. Heal yourself.



emmyy
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15 Jan 2013, 4:10 pm

I'm NOT obsessive

He also said I'm unstable and I need professional help
Why he got so MEAN suddenly??


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Geekonychus
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15 Jan 2013, 4:37 pm

emmyy wrote:
I'm NOT obsessive

emmyy wrote:
I cry, I scream, I do everything to get his attention.
I DON'T WANT TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM I NEED HIM I WANT HIM
I'm so so so scared, I need him, I'm scared
I don't want to eat I don't want to sleep I just want him near me and I want him talk to me

These are obsessive thoughts and you've been exhibiting obsessive behavior. :wink:

It's understandable, believe me. I and many other people here have been through the same thing. You need to let this guy go. He sounds like a douchenozzle.



emmyy
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15 Jan 2013, 4:55 pm

But why do I need to let go of something I really like... Don't want to. 8O
How can I get him back...


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15 Jan 2013, 5:39 pm

emmyy wrote:
But why do I need to let go of something I really like... Don't want to. 8O
How can I get him back...


Because he's his own person, that's why.


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seaweasel
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15 Jan 2013, 8:08 pm

this is a trait with aspergers unfortunately (in my experience), that person you talk to keeps talking to you and you become obsessed with them. Well with me this has happened at least 4 times. Each time this has happened they would be all i would think about, and i couldn't change that thought of them. It is happening to me now as well, but i am better at controlling the thought now but it still happens more then i would like.



ruckus
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15 Jan 2013, 11:17 pm

emmyy wrote:
But why do I need to let go of something I really like... Don't want to. 8O
How can I get him back...

You don't own him, he's an individual and can make his own choices, and what he has chosen is to get far, far away from his clingy and obsessive girlfriend.

You seem very entitled. You need to realise that things won't always go your way, and that the world does not revolve around you.



MaxShock
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16 Jan 2013, 12:01 am

Sorry to hear you're in this jam, but trust me, you need to take a huge break from this person. It seems like this guy is destroying you, and you don't even know it.

You really are being obsessive, I should know, I was actually in a similar position when I was younger.

You shouldn't be around someone who is making your whole being eat itself with a knife and fork of obsession and clingy.

You really should take a break, gather your thoughts, and learn some more about yourself so such a thing doesn't happen again.

Maybe, if you honor this suggestion, in a month or so he may change his mind. But you need to let the guy go, wait, and be open to finding someone else, because usually when you're in this mess it is hard to get out.

Be careful though.



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16 Jan 2013, 7:40 pm

What I'd give for a girl like that. :(

Find another its all you can do. It honestly seems to me he found someone else and is trying to blame the break up on you to make himself feel better for it.



aspiemike
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17 Jan 2013, 12:43 am

Dantac wrote:
What I'd give for a girl like that. :(

Find another its all you can do. It honestly seems to me he found someone else and is trying to blame the break up on you to make himself feel better for it.


I don't know if obsessive and clingy is something you want. I had some issues when just simply logging into MSN and checking my e-mail and having a partner message me almost instantly. It gets kind of frustrating after a while when you can't say no to talking and hanging out just once due to fear of hurting their feelings.

OP, someone said you need to figure out who you are. This is good as it allows you to figure out how your ego attaches to others. Be careful not to attach yourself to this ego and remember that it is simply background noise to you. People with the weakest egos are the ones that attatch themeslves to their egos and allows their mind to take over. Try and enlighten yourself and you will figure out what is true about yourself. Chances are you will figure out what you really want to change and what you want to keep the same. I would leave the guy alone for sure.



Dantac
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17 Jan 2013, 5:08 pm

aspiemike wrote:

I don't know if obsessive and clingy is something you want. I had some issues when just simply logging into MSN and checking my e-mail and having a partner message me almost instantly. It gets kind of frustrating after a while when you can't say no to talking and hanging out just once due to fear of hurting their feelings.


I guess it depends on the person's temperament and likes/dislikes. :)



thewhitrbbit
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18 Jan 2013, 2:08 pm

Sorry to say you are being a bit obsessive. The key thing is to find something else to fill your time. Everyone needs time to themselves.



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18 Jan 2013, 3:52 pm

i'd say... pick yourself up and find someone who can handle your intensity. this is a good experience, to get used to getting rejected. nobody gets whatever they want in this life, that's the harsh reality.

(((((hugs)))))

sincerely,
a fellow obsessive person


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