An odd twist of fate . . .

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Well, a little over a month ago, I decided to check into OKCupid. Wrote the profile, sent out a few meet and greets (only to be ignored), but early this month, I was contacted directly by one . . . a woman from Russia. So, we've been conversing back and forth for a few weeks now (granted, there is a bit of a language gap), but apparently I've made a good impression on her . . . so much so that she is seriously considering dropping into the states for a face to face sometime (she even got her passport). Now, on one hand, I'm fascinated and looking forward to a face to face, but on the other hand, I'm not sure what to expect. We've exchanged photos, and quite frankly, she's, for lack of a better word, hot/attractive/whatever word you prefer to use. She claims that the local guys in her country are rough with the ladies, and drink too much (hope thats just a stereotype and not personal experience). But, to tell the truth, I'm not sure if I should be fascinated and flattered by her interest, or paranoid and doubtful of any bond forming. On one hand, she's about half the world away from me, yet local potentials often seem to be a whole world away . . . an odd dilemma. Thoughts/Experiences?

They are well known facts that many Russian women....

1. Can't stand Russian men.
2. Prefer American men.
3. Really want to get out of Russia.

So many of them don't hesitate at all to be "mail order brides".

So if it doesn't bother you that your girlfriend/wife might not actually be in love with you, but is relatively happy with the living conditions and you two seem to get along ok and you really just want companionship with "benefits" then I'd say sure, go for it.

If you want someone who's only motive is to fall madly in love with you, someone who really is your soulmate, then she might not be for you. But then again she might actually fall madly in love with you.

<sigh> and it's social dilemmas like this that make me wonder if the real world is worth "living" in . . . how do folks come across those facts anyway. I've heard of the mail order stuff once, but I thought it was just a hoax or a grand joke. Granted, I'm one who lives by, if it works, fine, if it doesnt, drop it . . . but, that seems to be a bit of an issue when using the same philosophy on a fellow human. Admittedly, this is the second time a russian lady has contacted me. The first time was through Monster.com, but I ignored and deleted the message (as I was more interested in finding a job at the time). Besides, why would she happen across my page on OKC (likely having used the site longer than me) and not some other individual from the site? I think she mentioned something about their, "Tone or wording," in messages with them, so I guess I was the only polite one <shrug>. I really wish I could tell . . .

Okay here's how I see it, you've made a long distance friend. If she turns out to be someone you can be in a relationship with, cool. If not she can be a friend at least. Long distance relationships aren't necessarily the greatest, but I'm in one and I wouldn't trade her for the world. Anyway best wishes on the situation.

Also where is your avatar from? It looks familiar and is driving me insane, well more than usual...

I'd say the possibility of her wanting to find a way to legally live in the States is definately there, but don't jump to conclusions until you find out more about her.

1) She wants to marry an American and obtain a green card (and promptly file for divorce)

2) HE is a member of Russian Mafia, and they are baiting you so they can eventually ask you for money to supposedly pay for the airline ticket for "her".

I'm sorry, but someone needs to be a voice of reason.

I understand you are lonely and want companionship. But a woman from Russia on the Internet? Give me an effin break! Dude?! Use your head.

Ha, it so happens that I can't stand Russian females. (I'm a Russian male.)

@Prksrbrt: My avatar is the D&D Silver Dragon

@Dilbert: It is unlikely that I will marry someone after a month. Supposedly, she already paid for her passport, but due to some timing issue, she needs monetary aid for her Visa ($265). Granted, I did not know a lot of this stuff when it comes to international travel. However, I will be sending her a statement that, depending on how she answers, should determine if this could be a worthwhile endeavor. I'm willing to give people the benefit of a doubt, language/cultural barrier or not. If the only thing she needs is the money for the Visa, and she'll pay her trip at a later date, I think that would be fairly sincere (if not, then I've only lost $265). On one hand, I've never done anything for anyone before this, but on the other I'm shocked that this person isn't waiting (guess they're always Russian into things ). Again, I'm mainly expecting a meet and greet, nothing more long term than email pen pal. If she's looking for some way just to leave Russia permanently (and legally), she will have to wait.

@MrDiamondMind, I don't suppose there would be any way for me to see if you can find this person and confirm her sincerity?

Don't forget she'll have to buy a ticket too.

I'd also probably hide any documents ect of import around my house whilst she was there.

Other than that, I would say give it a go. You deserve to have fun.

Is there any harm in meeting face to face? I would be wary of her needing financial help. Could you visit her instead? Or maybe meet somewhere? The mail order bride thing is actually a real thing, so be careful. If she's truly interested in you she should be offering up ways to make/save money to meet you.

I've heard something similar to what Chronos said at a Human Rights function somewhere in my distant past. They cited something saying that every year 50,000 Russian women die of domestic violence and that it's tied to the high rates of alcoholism among Russian men.

She actually mentioned that, and supposedly I was one of the few people she's met online that didn't act like some sex-crazed moron. But, I did send her a reply to see if her friends/family could help cover some costs (she already paid for her own passport). But, I'm hoping to know by Monday whether or not I'll go through with wiring the cash to her . . . I can say I was at least unselfish to one person in my lifetime. Admittedly, I am leaning towards sending it to her, but I made sure to cover some question in my last email to see what all she can get over there. Hopefully, when all is said and done, I can at least say I tried to "live."

Well if you're leaning toward giving it to her, what about offering to buy the ticket rather than wiring her the money? That way if it turns out that she's not being truthful at least you have some recourse and aren't just out the money. Maybe I missed something tough because $265 seems very low for a ticket from Russia....I'd be hesitant about wiring money to her.

I do admire this sentiment.

SCAM!

You may not even be talking to a WOMAN!

After you wire the $200 for a "visa" they will ask for $500 for travel expenses, and then for $2000 for the ticket, etc... They will milk you until you figure it out and stop paying, then they will disappear.

Ha ha ha...same here on both counts!

Is it really unselfish? Surely you want something out of this, even if it's only satisfaction of curiosity.

But I agree that trying 'to live' is a noble cause. Who knows; maybe she's the love of your life. If not you've got an interesting anecdote to tell.

I think gambling $200 or so is okay, but I wouldn't go higher than that.