Question for women (NT or AS) with an AS boyfriend/spouse

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What I found attractive was the kindness, the openness, the playfulness. Every day was something new to talk about. Our conversations began as IM's and later calls through the computer and one in person visit. Truthfulness most of the time. I know he lies sometimes, small lies but I also know it's because he doesn't want to upset me. Though I think he handles me well when I'm upset, I don't think he likes it.

He's always happy, he's never gotten mad at me, he's never held a grudge, even on days when I've been upset, he comes back the next day with a smile. He forgets to tell me things but I forget to ask at times. He is just fun to be around and the more time I spend with him, the more time I crave.

The bonus is he's handsome and attractive, if only he wasn't so young.

I wouldn't recommend you imitate an NT guy, just be who you are and attract a girl that will like the real you. Don't worry, there is one out there but you have to actually go "out" to meet her. You can probably meet one online but you have to be able to chat. Sometimes all it takes is to say "Hi, how are you?" Even if you don't say much, that can come across as the strong and silent type which is also appealing to women. Confidence is the best thing you can do for yourself. Think positive about you and who you are and it should convey to your life. Also, expand your horizons where you look for girls. Be open to things like someone older. They might make a good match for you.

They (aspie guys) don't leave us hanging, they let us know where we stand, there's no mind games or too much guessing. Also, I personally like that the aspie guy I see doesn't rush things or talk way too much. I'm aspie myself, I would probably have a hard time if things moved too quickly.

I'll say! Sincerity is priceless, IMO. NTs are so busy trying to live up to ideals of gender, behaviour, image, etc., that they lose the medium (that is, the mental 'room') through which to even BE sincere and heartfelt.

But if it's GETTING a date that's your worry:
After years of painful struggling, I am now the greatest pick-up artist I know. I used to be fairly mute and PAINFULLY shy and anxiously self-conscious when younger, to the point where having to hold eye-contact or answer direct questions made me red-faced and tearful or highly and inappropriately blurty (until, that is, I began to intensively study psychology and applied the NT behavioural 'rules' to myself and executed little, live experiments in terms of eliciting reactions off of people (fantastic fun and highly useful)).

I soon realised through the evidence of my 'experiments' (which themselves necessitated conscious application thus growth in confidence and gregariousness) (think Dom Joly) that the things people react negatively to are NOT the verbal or behavioural clangers you make, nor any awkwardnesses, but your own negative attitude to them as evidenced by your own reaction immediately thereafter.

If you laugh them off or treat them as insignificant then so will the other person. People will only find you odd or inferior if you deem yourself so. In any human interaction, the one who APPEARS most self-assured gets to set the tone; they literally take The Leader role and so their less than 'normal' behaviour then gets excused because, as Leader, YOU deeming those otherwise clangers as perfectly acceptable will automatically be the attitude assumed by 'the follower'. Think about comediens who assume a fake persona, such as Emo Phillips: the oddity in character and behaviour and the many faux pas as part of that persona are automatically 'forgiven' to the point of actually being welcomed and celebrated, because we sense the underlying self-acceptance thus confidence - as proven by the fact that they are addressing a whole crowd of people in the first place and, crucially, are the one who starts the 'conversation', i.e. the leadership role is accepted as a Given).

Furthermore, people who smile a lot and can laugh at themselves are deemed highly attractive irrespective of facial/bodily structure.

Also - if you keep the conversation on the other person you encourage them to concentrate on themselves beyond what is natural and how THEY are coming across to you (i.e. encouraging heightened self-consciousness) rather than concentrating on you on a conscious level (where faux pas and reactions to such are noticed).

Hope that helps? If not - up yer bums! xoxo