Depression is a killer

Post Reply New Topic

A killer of sex drive, that is.

Yes, it's me with my relationship problems again. A while back I fell for my pianist. For a few months we seemed to be stumbling through the confusions of liking each other and slowly growing a little closer together. But he didn't want to call it a relationship because he'd recently broken up with a girlfriend who was bad for him and used to beat on him, and he didn't want another girlfriend any time soon. I could respect that. In fact, after all he'd been through, I thought it would be better if he DIDN'T have a serious relationship until however many years it took for him to get over it.

So we didn't commit to each other and there was the understanding that we could see other people. In May he hooked up with another girl. In June she said she didn't want to see him anymore because he'd called her too often and spooked her with his anxiety. And he went through a number of other problems. He hates his flat and his neighbors have been depriving him of sleep all month. He had a bout of drinking early in the month and was consumed with guilt for turning to the bottle.

All these things taken together were a sore blow to his confidence. He's brittle and depressed at the best of times and now he's very under the weather mentally. He says he's exhausted all the time and has no interest in anything. Including sex and physicality of any kind.

I know intellectually that I'm not any less attractive or kind or understanding or undemanding than I was at the start of June, but these sorts of things can really kill your confidence. I can't help thinking things might have been different if I'd only acted differently, though I can't think of anything I've done wrong. And the hardest thing is that he's so muddled, he doesn't know whether he'll want to go back to kissing me again.

My friends all tell me that I'm a wonderful person and have been supportive of him through all this, and that he's almost sure to come around if I give him time. After all, he calls me all the time. He sees me three times a week. He talks about his inmost feelings with me and shares secrets and tries to support me when I'm assailed by my own depression. It really is as if we have a relationship, only without the physical aspects. But I don't know how long I'll have to wait or whether he really will turn back to me in time.

What to do? What to do?

I know this post is long. Sorry about that. Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

I think you should keep doing what you are doing.

I don't think there is anything you can do, it's out of your control.

Just be yourself, you shouldn't have to change or try to be what someone else wants. Only you can decide how long to maintain the friendship but don't put your life on hold while waiting for him. If he wants you, he should step up to the plate.