RULES

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I need rules, any rules regarding dating/relationships.

Why do I need rules? I suck at this sort of thing, but have found an AWESOME woman, perhaps THE woman I would like to spend my life with.

Anyway, on to the rules. Simple stuff, like what to do on a third date, what NOT to say, what TO say, random things, anything.

I realize I'm being incredibly nieve right now, but I'd like to have a set of tools to help me navigate this relationship, that is possibly the best thing ever.

Now, more about the rules. I don't NEED the rules, just need to know what other people consider the "rules." Do I need to follow them? Yes, no, maybe, and hell no. I just need the information to sort out, I can figure out which ones to go with, which ones to toss.

BTW, stuff like:
"Be yourself"
"If you like her, things will come naturally"

DO NOT HELP.

Specific things, like:

"Do NOT kiss her in front of her parents"

DOES HELP.

Please, some advice, things that you picked up, and experience you'd like to share. Stories welcome as well. I'm betting a lot of us might need this, and KNOW I do. Thanks for reading, and hopefully not ignoring.

Nobody gives you specific advice because everybody is different as a general rule, and the generality comes into play with the stupid stuff like: "Don't rape her"

While one girl will abhor the thought of you wanting to sleep with her on the third date, another will be expecting it on the first and yet another will want to be abstinent for life. There is no rule because of these type of changing expectations.

Yeah, you gotta have rules.

i totally agree with you and i wish i had someone to help me sort out some rules before i started my relationship, i got lucky and things worked out but i made a few errors that might help others out.

1) don't joke around about things when your girlfriend is being serious, even if the matter is about something small. that was an ugly one for me to learn.

2) if you do happen to get into a disagreement, don't put all the blame on her or accuse her of being absolutely wrong. think over your wording carefully so that she doesn't end up smacking you upside the head - it hurts.

3) small acts of kindness go farther than the big surprises. if you keep showing your affection in small doses than you wont ever have to worry about "what can i do next time that is bigger and better and will make her love me more." in other words, don't go all out with the pricey gifts and elaborate flowers and fancy dinners...that's your ticket to the broke house. do small things, like handpicking some wildflowers, or taking her for a picnic in the park, or writing some poetry/notes... you get the idea?

those are just some of what i think are good rules to follow. are they specific enough or should i explain in more detail? hope that helps

Alaspi-EXCELLENT "rules"! EXACTLY what I was looking for, thanks for pulling through!

I am learning this right now! It seems my humor is a bit on edge for her, even inappropriate, but she understands me, and reminds me of things. Fortunately she is very patient, and I'm trying not to try her patience. Excellent reminder!

About disagreements, the last one of ours (only seen her twice, after a hugely long seperation from being "friends" in jr. high school), lasted so long, and wore us both out. But that is one of the things that bring us together strangely, we don't understand certain things, and those things end up resolved in arguments. I'm thinking it helps if partners respect each other equally, as it's less likely that "blame" will shift, or degrading comments pour out.

The "small things" idea is brilliant. Not for the "savings" (lol), but for the simple fact that appreciation isn't "bought" but rather "felt."

Thanks very much Alaspi!

Rynok, not asking for advice. Just "rules" that are either commonly known (unkown by me tho!), and small things of importance. I'm not asking for directions, just landmarks and points of interest. Changing expectations is fact, not every girl is the same, and I recognize that, and in recognizing that, I can apply some of what I learn here or there, or whereever, or toss it all aside. Thanks for reading anyway.

LOL at the 60 "reads" for the thread, and at the "users browsing forums" being "none." Anybody else find that hilarious?

Since you already have a girl. It would be best to lear *her* rules (i.e. Do not kiss me in front of my parents.)

Women put heaps of emphasis on how they look.

Never critisize her apearrence or make any jokes about it, because that will hurt her feelings. They all have low self-esteem about how they look.

Tell her things you like about her. If she get's a haircut or some new clothes or changes her look, even if it doesn't mean crap to you , make sure you compliment her on it.

Yeah so remember to keep a mental image of what she looks like if she changes her appearence make sure you comment on it. If she put's some work into her look and you don't notice she might be a bit pissed.

When you go out with her, don't start looking at other women or talking about other women.

oh i so second that one. although, if she starts jokingly talking about other girls than you can go along with it, but don't push it. it kind of depends on how secure she is.

i semi disagree with the comment that all girls have low self esteems about how they look. not all girls apply. but if your girlfriend is like that then, it's not a bad thing, just be extra sensitive about what you say.

A certain Shania Twain song comes to mind with this last quote.

Try to stay away from this sort of things, it would only push you and add unnecessarily tension. Want to date her, just follow the useful rules here and do, you can worry about she being THE one later.

Keep your communication open.. if there's something that she does that bothers you(and is something serious, not like.. she flips her hair some way you don't like kinda thing), tell her, but do your best to be very polite and honest. Make sure that she knows she can be open, as well. This is important if you want to keep this going awhile. It sucks to not know something about someone until they just blow up with it, from it irritating them for so long.

Also make sure to tell her when she does things you like. You don't always need to specifically say it, but make sure she knows you appreciate her. Like if she cuddles you a certain way, you can just say, "I like this." Or smile at her when she holds your hand.

Make sure, if you do argue, to apologize later if you make her angry - don't apologize for something you did if you're not sorry, you don't want to lie, but apologizing for the anger or annoyance, etc, that you caused her will show her that you care.

And when you're unsure of something, it's sometimes better to just ask her. People in general would rather you ask them what they want, then try to guess at it.

On to more physical rules.

Anything more than sitting next to each other in front of parents is usually discouraged.
Don't get too touchy feely kissy in public. At least until you know her stance on it, which you'll find out by how she acts around you. I stick with hugging, holding hands, and forehead or cheek kissing, when in public.
Let her decide how intimate you get.. you can push things a little, but make sure she knows that if she's uncomfortable, she can back out.
Lastly, if she looks upset, ask her if she's okay.. don't push her, she might not want to talk, but you can ask. And if she doesn't want to talk, maybe all she wants is a hug. It helps.

Am quite pleased with the female turnout here! Tis exactly what's needed at the moment, and the specific details and REASONS for things are much appreciated.

Claire333, I didn't understand your post, but now I do. Glad I read that, something to think about.

Nekowafer, I've just experienced that communication problem, and can take that advice you mentioned in your first paragraph to heart. I'm a silent guy, and let things build up a while, and now can clearly see the consequences of the silent tactic. Thanks for posting.