Average time it takes to get over someone

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Mutanatia
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19 Aug 2008, 10:11 pm

I was wondering: How long did it take you to get over your last breakup?



Keith
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19 Aug 2008, 11:22 pm

Took me about a year ... Not entirely sure I'm over it as far as I'm aware... This WAS at the end of 2001 though



Aspie1
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19 Aug 2008, 11:34 pm

I didn't have many relationships, but when I did, the time to get over the person ranged from one hour to one week. My friends keep telling me: "you're not a computer, you can't do the 'Start -> Shut Down -> OK' thing with your feelings". (They were trying to put it in terms I can understand, lol.) I agree with them logically, but I can't help how I feel. As soon as I find out that a girl stopped liking/loving me, my feeling for her disappear very quickly. Of course, it takes me some time afterwards to psychologically accept the fact that the girl dumped me, so there might be some residual anger, but the feelings of liking/love go away quickly.



sinsboldly
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20 Aug 2008, 12:06 am

I don't get over my breakups, much.
I compartmentalize them and grieve alternately.

some songs will burst me into the caterwauling that passes for weeping.
some smells. . Brut, English Leather, Aramis, Drakkar Noir will incapacitate me from speaking.

I can become a basket case with such ease.

I wish you a better way, my friend, I didn't find one.


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Sedaka
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20 Aug 2008, 7:01 am

i tend to do that compartmentalization thing.


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Betterclassed
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20 Aug 2008, 7:08 am

Sedaka wrote:
i tend to do that compartmentalization thing.


What is that?



Blithe
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20 Aug 2008, 9:10 am

I had a long term relationship and I needed to break up in January for myself. Was a ''going nowhere'' relationship and there were problems like he wasn't always honest with me, and that made me so frustrated that I turned into a person I didn't recognize. (Because of his dishonesty.) It was in my own best interest to get away from that because what that was doing to me was not a good thing. But we were together for about three years before that. As for getting over him? No. It's been seven months and I am reall not even close. But I'm really trying to move on... Unfortunately I sort of feel like I have no love to give anymore, I can't seem to have loving emotions for anyone else. I still love him, but when it comes to others? I just can't feel anymore. It has really destroyed me.

(My two cents, if it's worth that.)



JohnHopkins
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20 Aug 2008, 9:47 am

I have no idea. If you're trying to figure out how long it'll take you, don't worry about it. Every relationship is different and you'll be over it when you're over it. Trying to rush it or have an end point where you think 'I have to be over it by then!' is pointless.



michel
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20 Aug 2008, 12:23 pm

Mutanatia wrote:
I was wondering: How long did it take you to get over your last breakup?


'till the Paramedics came. :lol: :lol: :lol:



Sedaka
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20 Aug 2008, 1:28 pm

Betterclassed wrote:
Sedaka wrote:
i tend to do that compartmentalization thing.


What is that?


never really let go of any one relationship... I can start thinking about any one person I ever loved and get dropped back to ground zero... Feeling sad... Not really reconsidering things... But it's like mourning, I feel.


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Tim_Tex
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20 Aug 2008, 1:33 pm

It took me 3 years to get over my first girlfriend (who cheated on me, and is the reason I don't date NTs). That relationship ended in January 1999.

I met my second girlfriend shortly thereafter. That relationship ended in early 2006, and she and I are still friends. She wanted to wait 5 years before sex or marriage, and her mother imposed a lot of rules in the relationship. That hurt the relationship more than the fact that she lived 1,200 miles away. This is why I need someone who is liberal.


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madam_mim
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20 Aug 2008, 2:15 pm

I've heard that a time frame of 1/3 of the duration of the relationship does the trick. But I just got out of a one year relationship a month ago and I feel fine.



Betterclassed
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20 Aug 2008, 9:35 pm

Sedaka wrote:
Betterclassed wrote:
Sedaka wrote:
i tend to do that compartmentalization thing.


What is that?


never really let go of any one relationship... I can start thinking about any one person I ever loved and get dropped back to ground zero... Feeling sad... Not really reconsidering things... But it's like mourning, I feel.


I see



Butterflair
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20 Aug 2008, 10:17 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
It took me 3 years to get over my first girlfriend (who cheated on me, and is the reason I don't date NTs). That relationship ended in January 1999.

I met my second girlfriend shortly thereafter. That relationship ended in early 2006, and she and I are still friends. She wanted to wait 5 years before sex or marriage, and her mother imposed a lot of rules in the relationship. That hurt the relationship more than the fact that she lived 1,200 miles away. This is why I need someone who is liberal.


That has nothing to do with being conservative, that has to do with a dominating mother and not being able to stand up for yourself. I think you need someone who is mature enough to think for themself. Political leanings don't mean anything.

As far as recovery, it takes a long time, a rule of thumb is allow about as long as you were with that person but for a most close relationships expect it to last at least a year. It does help to try to meet someone else and not wallow at home, the less you allow yourself to lay around and think of things the better.


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