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gsilver
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10 Aug 2008, 1:38 am

Being eternally single has caused a lot of pain, and I've been at the point of "not trying or looking at all" for almost a year now (even though I have to fight the frustration it causes... a lot), but to be honest, I'd much rather be eternally single than have relationships like my siblings do.


My sister is in a relationship where the guy (who doesn't work, lives with his parents, and NEVER leaves the house) controls every aspect of her life to he point of forcing her to cut off contact with ALL of her friends (and family!) for several years, and still very tightly regulates any contact today (such as not allowing any internet use and checking the cellphone statements to make sure no "unauthorized" calls are made). The sick ****s parents even force my sister to do humiliating rituals to get basic privileges to do things like cook, and have caused her to lose jobs by periodically restricting her to the house for months at a time... the kind of control that should be ****ing illegal. Oh, and the guy she's with threatens to kill himself if she ever leaves.


My brother has been in a lot of relationships, and bad things have happened there, too. One of them has stalked him, years after they stopped dating (and was controlling his life while she was around), another was dragging him back into some bad lifestyle choices, cheated repeatedly... then killed herself. My brother is still hospitalized from when his most recent girlfriend had a car crash (while on cocaine)... and he's likely to get charged for manslaughter because a third person in the car died (and it was his car... and he didn't have insurance).


My parents aren't good relationship role models either. They're basically crazy, and my mom is a very strong controlling force, of both my dad, as well as my brother and I. I used to receive the brunt of the controlling, but my brother is now on the receiving end since I moved out.



Blasty
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10 Aug 2008, 1:47 am

I have two brothers. We're all two years apart, and I'm the oldest.

My youngest brother just got married. The other brother has had a girlfriend for a couple years. These are the first relationships of theirs that I am aware of, and they seem to be going great.

Yours truly is still stuck at square one. I admit I'm a little jealous, but I feel like I'll probably have my own girlfriend soon enough.

Not much to say. :wink:



Dart
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10 Aug 2008, 2:15 am

I have two brothers, one older and one younger. I've never been in a relationship before and neither have either of my brothers. None of us feel we are ready for it yet.



BokeKaeru
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10 Aug 2008, 5:04 am

Well, god, first let me say that if your sister isn't in an abusive relationship, it's pretty close to. The fact that his parents are complicit in this is even more sick. Is she detained in the house against her will? She could probably report that to the police if this were to be the case. I'd suggest she leave the guy and let him off himself - the world would be better off without a person like that.

Anyways...

My younger brother, though not asexual like me, was a very late bloomer, and when he did start trying, had very bad luck. He seems to have a good chance with the girl he's interested in now, and I hope it works out for him. On the other hand, I am worried for him, as we come from a dysfunctional family, and both my parents did too, and so on. I hope she never does anything to hurt him, and I definitely expect him not to repeat any patterns.



poopylungstuffing
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10 Aug 2008, 5:56 am

I have a younger, apparently NT sister. We have no bond between us whatsoever...I seldom see her more than once a year and we talk very little.

A deviation I have from the common AS stereotype is that I started dating at a very young age(probably before I was ready)...and have been in a string of long term relationships ever since....

My sister has not had many serious/domestic relationships that I know of..



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10 Aug 2008, 6:26 am

gsilver wrote:
My sister is in a relationship where the guy (who doesn't work, lives with his parents, and NEVER leaves the house) controls every aspect of her life to he point of forcing her to cut off contact with ALL of her friends (and family!) for several years, and still very tightly regulates any contact today (such as not allowing any internet use and checking the cellphone statements to make sure no "unauthorized" calls are made). The sick ****s parents even force my sister to do humiliating rituals to get basic privileges to do things like cook, and have caused her to lose jobs by periodically restricting her to the house for months at a time.


Sorry to leave so much in the quote.

My gut says there's a good chance your sister might have AS, too, even though it doesn't look like yours.

Her relationship is absolutely abusive. A book about emotional sadism just came out in paperback, called Stalking the Soul. It's by Marie-France Hirigoyen. If you ask your library to order it, and tell them it's about hidden emotional abuse of women, I bet they'll get it in for you. If your sister is like me, the bf feels like a step toward freedom, relative to the parents' control. If at some point she wants to get out, she'll likely need to break contact to both the bf and your parents. It's so much harder than anyone imagines.


My NT sisters have Stepford-like relationships, except it's the husbands and kids that get treated like robots. All three married right out of college, all place huge importance on appearance. I can't think of anything we could enjoy talking about. My AS (or at least highly quirky - she's not dx'd AFAIK) sister just married for the same irrational non-romantic reasons I did. Am hoping her guy is less sadistic than my ex was.


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LePetitPrince
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10 Aug 2008, 8:06 am

I have 2 siblings, 1 brother and 1 sister , both are older than me (I am 26 years old) and both will probably end up singles for life.

My sister,which is the eldest and she is 6 years older than me, never really showed interest in a guy even if she openly claims to be straight. Sometimes, I suspect she's somehow asexual. Unlike me, she is smooth talker yet she's unsociable , have very narrow social life and since all her friends are married now she has barely a social life. She's educated, brunette ,slim but curvy and healthy , I see no reason why a guy wouldn't approach her so I guess Single life is her choice as life style.


My brother , is 3 years older than me, is suffering from 2 auto-immunity chronic illnesses: Diabetes (which is paradise compared to the second one) and Ulcerative Colitis , a cancer-life disease that destroys the large intestine or colon, his large intestines were totally removed when he was 19 and he's still struggling with the small intestines (which is also affected) to this day.
He's very aware that he has a zero chance to get married as he told me that once , in fact ...such things are the last of his concerns now which is very natural (self-survival is always a primary) . He's slightly more sociable than me, he was brainiac at school ( I was in the same school) ....but he was of the shy type and never dated when when he was teen even before the 2 diseases.


And then come me...oh me , I seem following the same sibling tradition, I already decided single life for life , I am starting to believe that there was something wrong on how our parents raised us or it's just a crap set of genes that we share....I dunno.

My dad is pressuring me to ge ta date lately , the poor thinks that I was not trying and....well,he thinks that I am his only last hope for grandchildren looooool, poor dad ..... I didn't tell him that such thing seems to be very unlikely to happen.



LePetitPrince
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10 Aug 2008, 8:09 am

Quote:
A deviation I have from the common AS stereotype is that I started dating at a very young age(probably before I was ready)...and have been in a string of long term relationships ever since...


It's not a deviation for female Aspies, it would be only a deviation if you were a male. Aspie women on this board don't seem to understand (or don't want to understand) that they are in a completely different position than their male counterparts.



CanyonWind
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10 Aug 2008, 10:52 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
It's not a deviation for female Aspies, it would be only a deviation if you were a male. Aspie women on this board don't seem to understand (or don't want to understand) that they are in a completely different position than their male counterparts.


Thanks, Prince.

*CanyonWind tosses a beer in the direction of Lebanon*

It's not like this is the least bit subtle. I can't imagine anything more obvious. I wonder if some of the females around here would notice if they were standing outside in the rain.


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ToadOfSteel
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10 Aug 2008, 11:08 am

I have 1 younger brother, and he's LFA, so he's in the same boat as me when it comes to relationships...



IdahoRose
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10 Aug 2008, 12:34 pm

My sisters are aged 29 and 27, respectively, and they've both been married for years. I just hope and pray that I can get married sometime in the future...



Gamester
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10 Aug 2008, 1:32 pm

I don't know anything about my younger sis's relationships. I don't care.

I'm never home, since i go to college, and I only come home for thanksgiving, xmas break, and summer.


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Brunny
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10 Aug 2008, 1:58 pm

Doh! sorry I posted in the wrong forum :oops:



mikebw
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10 Aug 2008, 3:11 pm

I'm the oldest of four. I've been in two relationships, though I don't usually count the first one as I was 9-10 then. I haven't bothered with another after my second relationship, 16-17. As I have no real intention or desire of getting hitched or having spawn and I'm not a chronically lonely person.

My #2brother would like to, but luckily all the women he has been interested in haven't been interested in him. He's seriously psycho. He's never been in a relationship.

My #3sister isn't interested in getting hitched either. She has two girls, the first by a rapist, the second one was her choice. She does have or has had a few long term relationships, but has almost always lived on her own.

My #4brother is mostly like me, only he talks about wanting a girlfriend and possibly getting married and having kids every once in a while, but he's never done anything about it and has never had a relationship. So I look at it like I do my fantasies when I'm feeling lonely or wishing I had super powers. :P Something that sounds nice but isn't likely.


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LeonKrahe
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10 Aug 2008, 6:36 pm

I've got an NT brother, 5 years older than me, who besides his ex-fiancee and his current girlfriend, has gone through so many girls that I got into the habit of calling them "The love of your life of the week" instead of by name, since I couldn't remember their names anyway. His longest-lasting relationships have been long-distance; typically when he starts to see the girl in person more often, he loses interest faster. Only exception is his ex-fiancee that he was with for 3 years, and lived with until he caught her cheating on him.

It's a pretty big contrast to me, whose had 6 girlfriends my entire life. Haven't been on a date in a year now. Every girl I like, even the ones who seem to be completely excited about me being in their life, just get up and vanish right before things become serious.



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11 Aug 2008, 3:38 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
Quote:
A deviation I have from the common AS stereotype is that I started dating at a very young age(probably before I was ready)...and have been in a string of long term relationships ever since...


It's not a deviation for female Aspies, it would be only a deviation if you were a male. Aspie women on this board don't seem to understand (or don't want to understand) that they are in a completely different position than their male counterparts.




She never said she was a deviation from FEMALE Aspies. She said she was a deviation from the common AS stereotype - which everyone knows is based on the male Aspie experience.


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