How to create a shell?

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Ok, this might be a very crazy question, and I'd say it is actually regressive instead of progressive, I still need help. Can anyone explain about how to accurately block emotions? Let me explain:

I have fallen for a girl and the situation is quite terrible. First of all, I have figured out I have absolutely no chance, and I have decided I will not try, etc. I also think the whole dating thing is not something I am interested of right now, etc. So, under a rational point of view, the best thing to do is to stop liking this person so much.

The problem is freaking emotional side, you know, when I see her I have absolutely no way not to look like horribly interested and it distracts me up greatly , the big problem here is that she is often around my college and we share some classes. I think my reactions are quite obvious and they are probably freaking her out, or it could be that she has no idea, I have no way to read these things, you know? What's worse is that after this whole thing, the result is depression, well, perhaps not really depression but an utter sense of sadness.

But really, the best would be to find a way to forget it or block it. Something tells me I'll find experienced people that were able to handle this here .

what your describing is common for As adolescents/teens...early twenties?
but you know somethign there is anxiety in non As boy/girl relationships as well.
being As thou you would tend to think about it and perseverate over it more than others.
it is common for As to have an inability to modulate emotional reactions and responses so we can be totally head over heels in love or be indifferent in a relationship.
it is getting that balance right.
my advice for you?

physically tell yourself to calm down, stop over reacting and move on, everytime you have this overwhelming emotion or feeling then physically tell yourself to stop, to calm down.
in time this will become a habit.
its good that you recognise it as being a problem.

Hmm.

I know how this feels.

Get an interest in something else, that works most of the time.

though the one thing I've learned and do a lot is develop a mental block like most psychics have learned to do. It takes time, but once you learn how to do it, you can easily activate it, and at least the emotions are deadend.

if you want more advise on this, PM or IM me.

well out loud to start but dont be embarrased with talking to yourself little pep talks to give yourself little instructions a voice of modulation.
i talk to myself all the time.

Many girls find people with social flaws fascinating.

You know what was a life altering film for me was Hitch. See it.

I think a shell grows as one is emotionally hurt.....

I saw Hitch. The woman was angry that Hitch hooked the two of them up, but Hitch had a point, if it wasn't for him, they would not have met, and they were happy. Kinda sounds like she was blind.

oh wow... more irrational logic

for such a supposedly rational bunch of people, aspies can be so irrationally quick to give up... and i don't mean just in relationships, but life in general... it seems like as soon as anything starts to become hard you just give up rather than make that effort to challenge yourself and strengthen character... these forums are full of people moaning about how they should just give up but how can you expect people to want to be around you and your cloud of self-induced gloom and self-pity... how do you figure you have no chance? where are the facts to support that? it's purely "ratioinalised" by your own fears, which really is not rational at all

wait, this isn't just an aspie thing... it's a people thing

i'm in a similar situation at the moment, but i'm the other person... so i'll tell you my story so you can see what i'm seeing from the other side of the fence... i've been friends for a year with a guy who i only just recently figured out has AS... when we first met we clicked instantly (which is a big deal for me as i don't click with many people) and i knew it'd be so easy for me to develop feelings for him... but what made me hold back was his lack of self-respect and how controlled he was by fear... he was always quick to dismiss himself and his own opinions and placed everyone else up on a pedestal and himself in the submissive role... which made me uncomfortable as i thought of us as equals, which is how i believe good relation/friendships should operate... it turned me off how quick he was to give up on everything and everything he did or decision he made was based on fear... to me that communicated a weak character and i don't want to fall in love with a weak person... the only reason i've stuck around is that i was in his exact same position up to about 5 years back so i can understand why he acts the way he does and hence why i'm willing to be a bit more patient whilst other people have just given up... to his credit he has become a lot stronger since i first met him... he still has a long way to go but i'm proud of the progress he's made so far

wow um, i've totally lost my train of thought..!

don't flame me... i just get so frustrated when i see these great people with so much potential give up on themselves so quickly

oh yeah i found the best way for me to get over an obsessive crush was just to let myself go and obsess them out of my system... not like to their face and do creepy stuff to freak them out... but like write about it in my journal and drive myself crazy analysing the crap out of the situation and rant about them to my friends/family or whoever was willing to listen... it made me nuts for awhile but i got over it quicker than if i kept trying to block them out and not let anything out of my head... this only seemed to apply to meaningless crushes though

Vexcalibur I don't know how old you are..You sound quite young.

But you like this girl. Why not try and talk to her, the best thing to do is try and be friends with her and only think of her as a friend until you are certain there is something more in it than that.

She will probably reject you. But you never know she may not. It may be worth a shot. Also it will do you some good to ask someone out and get rejected, because the next time you try it you will not find it that much of a big deal.

Are you sure there is no chance??? Why not try it on anyway.

Well they say when there's someone you're nervous around, imagine them naked.

Might not work in this case.


Seriously. You have classes together. How hard would it be to get into one of her study groups, or to host a study group and invite her, or something where you don't have to put everything on the line and force yourself to act in a way that's unnatural for you? You're a great guy - let her warm up to that slowly.

Let's say you haven't "wowed" her from a distance. "Going for it" directly would probably scare her, and she wouldn't have a chance to start fancying you. I'd seriously recommend the increased-exposure angle on this one. Don't stalk her, obviously; get your study group going solid for a bit so it's an honor for her to be asked.

Also, you could practice acting-as-if. As if she were hanging out with you. Let's say you'd cook for her. You can rehearse that and treat yourself really well. Let's say if you thought there was a chance of getting physical, you'd want to be sure you were top-notch hygiene-wise, super-clean shaved etc. Lots of guys don't really know how to get a completely clean shave. A barber doesn't cost much, if you can find a traditional one where you are, and they can show you a lot.

None of this is desperate or for her; it's for you because you're worth it, and if a woman happens to notice that, then you won't have mad scrambling to do. (Or worse, you won't delude yourself into thinking you can slack on the hygiene and self-care b/c finally a girl likes you. Not saying you personally would do that; it seems to be a classic pattern though.)

If you decide to start doing push-ups, count me in. I was building up but have been slacking.