I prefer solitude

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I'm at the point in my life where I realize that I like being with only 3 people. Me, myself and I. I like being alone more than not, but how can I tell my boyfriend? He's pretty sensitive and he's had really bad luck with girls, so telling him that I want time to myself might upset him or think he did something wrong.

If anything, how can I explain that I enjoy him more as a friend? One thing really bothering me is that I tried telling him casually that I had AS, but I feel like he doesn't understand. That makes me really nervous, and instead of trying to accept that he might not understand, I would rather bury myself in solitude and break up with him. In fact, that's what I really feel like doing.

Is that wrong? I know I can be naive or insensitive about how relationships work, but if one person isn't happy and there's no way to fix it, shouldn't they call it moot and just be friends? Oh, and there are alot of other factors that show me we just aren't meant to be, so if this sounds confusing, just ask and I'll try and explain.

is there going to be any person you think you might be happy with?

I don't know. Nobody can ever know. My immediate family, and close friends in high school are the only ones I've been happy with. As far as guys, it's been fleeting.

If you don't love him, then you don't love him. You're not compatible. Don't waste each other's time in a false relationship, just end it so that both of you can look for someone else (or not, since you prefer to be alone.)

Be respectful, but completely honest about it. Yes, his feelings will be hurt, but that's inevitable.

It could be just a temporary mood, either feeling depressive in general or about your relationship. This must not even be related to AS, after e few months most relationships go from "big love" to "everyday", a critical time, where "a lot of other factors that show me we just aren't meant to be" draw more attention then before. Sometimes seeing things more clearly, but sometimes being too critical. So don't make hasty decisions, especially if that feeling lasts only since a week or two.
as long as you don't live together, solitude shouldn't be that much of a problem.

I suggest you read some books on the topic and give ones you like or that you feel sum up how you feel to him. You might even circle a chapter heading or underline passages in it.

Some good books are Elaine Aron's on Highly Sensitive People, and I also like Solitude by Anthony Storr and party of one by anneli rufus.

There are also some good books on Aspies and relationships out there, but those are just ideas.

It's a delicate topic to broach with anyone. Probably keep it simple and to the point and truthful. Just tell him you love him a lot but that you like to spend a lot of time by yourself too. Tell him introverts have a physical need to do this in order to 'recharge their batteries'. It is the truth. There is a lot of material in books and online about introverts also.

Good luck

You're not stuck.

While its good that you're sensitive to his feelings and reaction, it should come secondary to your own. You're not doing anyone a favor by stalling or going through the motions of a relationship.

If he is overly committed after one month - it is better to clear things up now than to wait.

I don't think the AS needs to be a component of the conversation. These things happen in any relationship and if he is having trouble understanding, it might be better to leave it out. Additionally, if he comes to think that the AS is the only thing standing between you and him, he might come to think he can 'fix it' and get back together.

It's unfortunate that he has girl trouble, but again, it should not be a factor in your decision making. That being said, try to leave his confidence as in tact as possible!

Good luck

To lostatlimbo:

Thanks for replying, you really cleared a lot of things up for me. I guess I have been thinking too much over this, as I always do. Maybe I would change my mind once school starts, but I've tried dating him a little last year and it didn't work out. And this time it's not looking much better. I was extremely uncomfortable with him telling me he loved me at only 2 weeks of dating, but from his standpoint, I was a sort of milestone for him and he thought that if he said that, things would get better.

I didn't think bringing up my AS was appropriate, but I thought it wouldn't hurt. Either way, I'll find a way to do this gently, and for a second time. Thank you.

Is it logical to expect someone to understand that which they are not? Can a man really understand a menstral cycle? One idea (laiden with fear) is you are honest and tell him you have AS. Honesty is requisite for a strong relationship foundation. After telling him, you have no control over what will happen; will he reject you, will he try to understand more about AS, will you invest time you regret, will you get married? Who knows... that's the risk you run in any relationship.