AussieMatt wrote:
As question said.
For me it's extremely hard to stop thinking about "why its hard to get a gf?" I know its not important. I'm nearly finish year 12, only 4 weeks left. I hope to get offered to university next year. Would things becoming better from next year?
I never dated before. I never had a female mate. I'm rejected for most of time. There are lot of girls who had sex before, smokes and drinks. I don't prefer them, its disgusting.
Please advise me.
Whats wrong with sex, smokes and drinks? Yeah they can kill you but people don't do because of that. At least most people at any rate. You may need to shake your "world" view for one. Nothing is black and white. There is always that shade of grey. Anyhow, so you want a girl friend? Maybe try changing the all and or nothing approach and be a little "loose". Take a look at Datasage's alpha male guide. Good place to start, especially if you lack the confidence that most women want. Once you get to university, your social stituation is going to "amped" a little bit. Be ready, practice social skills. For instance if you do, improve eye contact and make use of gestures where approiated. Jokes are important, there is nothing better to "break the ice" and make a potential girl friend or just plain friend comfortable than to tell jokes let them know you have a sense of humor. Be careful if you intend to use "dry" humor. Treat lightly and not on anyone's feet. Avoid jokes that sound sort of like a personal attack unless they're really use to you or they give the impression of a very carefree attitude.
Don't "waddle" walk, it's just weird and people don't likes that sort of "different", not in a sexual nor romantic way at any rate. I have a friend does this and well it does get sort of annoying though I don't mention anything. Control that temper. There is nothing more "bizarre" than a "rage scene". Another of Aspie friends does this from time to time and it bring nothing but sympathy, not attraction or likability. Be loose and try to be yourself. By yourself I mean the real you. Not the "mummy tells you to be yourself routine" thats getting old and fast. Honestly that is really coming from someone that unconditional loving you, not real world people. It's nice but the real world is something else and takes a bit of a leap to find "someone who loves you for all time and you alone feel that meaning". Also, you're young and being aspie makes it all the harder to get more socially ept. Put some more effort than most do. These people around you don't have Asperger's and get the "social rules" because for an NT it is really just a little easier. Don't try the winnie nice "very shy guy" routine. You'll only end up back here back and vent about the social woes you go through to get a girlfriend or any sort of friend for that matter.
Try to be "open minded" don't obessively talk about your "special interest" all the time. If there interested, there face and further actions will tell you that they want to hear more. If they look bored, lighten things up a bit and tell a good joke. Thing look for other interesting subjects to talk about. Another thing is some women will love to talk about themselves, let them, you never know what kind of interesting things you'll find out. Don't sound like "hayden christainson" with holding tongue back sillyness. It sounds silly and stupid. Be clear in your speech but of course not loud. You don't need to be "LOUD!! !! !! !! !" to assert your confidence. Oh yeah, confidence once again is been mentioned and at least should of before anyway. It is very important. Confidence will take you places, far beyond the realm of dating and back.
Betterclassed wrote:
Jokes are important, being able to make her feel comfortable about you is very important but if she is "ignoring you" then I don't think it's worth getting hurt over. At best, say Hi and with a smile. Then make some observations about her for instance what she currently doing. From there the jokes come in. Base them on observations and information you're getting out of her. Be clear and confident. Don't hesistate. Bumbling over words is a major turn off and makes you sound like 13 year old school boy who has just realised that girls don't have "kooties or whatever silly stuff is called". I recommend talking with your friends like this, and I mean the confidence part. Also try talking to girls you're not necessarily attracted too and see what happens. No that isn't monstrous, you aren't asking them out and you may be able to get a new friend in process. By the way how do you mean by ignored. Do you mean she isn't interested obvious sort of thing and continues to ignore any attempt to make contact with her or is she just not noticing you.?
Anyway, I would like to direct you to one of the stickies above. DataSage’s Alpha Male Guide to Meeting Women
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt20753.html It should be far more detailed in getting the first date. Yes some people find this shallow but this crap on "it will just happen" is a sad and hopeless tale for most. Some have scored but meh not many. Most of all, try not to walk funny, hover around the place like a vulture or say jokes twice or three thousand times. Please don't do what my AS friend does. He did nothing to prepare himself and got turned down. Also don't obsessively talk about your "special interest", mention a little bit but if she shows no interest after a little while, stop and change the subject. I know, it's your most favorite thing in the world but not everyone shares that feeling. Also don't think for a second that because she doesn't share your interest doesn't mean she isn't worth dating. You would be surprised at what may happen if you listen to "her side of the story" which I mean is what she is into and etc. A part from this, I don't know what else could help you. I've already mentioned to try avoid making weird movements. Not to say that all movements are weird just stay away from doing something like "kissing your wrist" and I don't mean her's. It's just example, and just makes the point not to do anything that an NT wouldn't normally do.
Another thing I just thought of. You may what is called "dry humor" it is a type of humor that is like telling like it is but in a very funny sort of way. This can be really good but be careful, tread lightly, you may not step on the right stone if your not careful. Hmmmm, don't "waddle" walk to her. Anyway I hope that helps. Best of luck. Oh and don't take things too seriously
Yeah some of this I have already mentioned but since helped one guy I told this too, maybe you'll have some luck too. Make note of the Datasage's guide to alpha male to meeting women as mentioned before. Here it is again,
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt20753.html. Take a look, I'm sure it will be of big help to you. Best of Luck, and once again, don't take things too seriously.
01 Sep 2008, 5:56 am
