People in college/University

Post Reply New Topic

Has being in University helped you get dates or a GF/BF? I am going into my 4th year now. First couple years, I was so shy I couldn't really talk to anyone or even knew how to talk to anyone. This year I dated a girl once or twice and it was pretty bad. I try to talk to girls in my classes, but I don't think I should just ask some random girl in class for her number without talking to them on an ongoing basis for awhile. I am told I am much less socially awkward than I used to be, but around people I don't know well I am still pretty bad. I hate this, and it seems to be an impediment to meeting a girl at school. I could just go up to some girl and say "Hi, I am X what is your name? So you like this class? Anyways, can I get your phone number?" Maybe I am just being a wuss for not doing this, but it seems like it would be really difficult to pull off even for NT guys. NT people piss me off when they talk about dating and college, saying it is just constant horny girls... I don't think that's entirely true, and they don't understand AS. I live off campus with my parents, and I don't drink alcohol... these things don't help, especially not drinking alcohol... but for me it is not an option. What are your experiences?

Constant horny girls = Constant drunk girls. Alcohol turns girls into horndogs, and college kids know this. As for dating, girls seem to like confidence. They go for the guy who seems to be the best father or whatever. You know, the kind that could win in a fight, the kind that can give them good sex (even if they don't have it with the guy) and stuff of that nature. Apparently violence gets the girl, whether passive or not. Also, girls know when you aren't being yourself. So if this desciption isn't you, then these types of girls aren't for you either. Not all girls are the same, but it sure seems that way. All come off an assembly line or something.

hmmmm not drinking alcohol + living at home with parents = geeze you really must be uncomfortable with new people and that certainly isn't going to help in this setting. I am not saying you have drink alcohol but you really need to be making plans to leave the "home" soon and act upon them. There nothing more than a turn off than man incapable of looking after himself, not to say you can't do that but when you're still living at "home" it says to some people that maybe this guy isn't confident or ready to be looking after other people let alone himself. I would take a look at Datasage's post too. Also when it comes to "getting" girls you're going have to be confident. Tell some jokes, there is nothing helpful in becoming more confident than making someone feel comfortable about you. It help you feel comfortable with yourself in these situations and thus making you into a more confident person. Anyway I hope that helps. Oh and I have found that the university setting to be a wonderous place for meeting girls. Far better range to chose from and you're finally away from the bloody school system crap. It is way easier, the only problem is some language barriers but meh I'm correcting that now anyway.

You're right, not all girls are the same. I should know because I am one.
You see, most of my life I was desperate to have a boyfriend. Ever since college, I have no want for love. Yet this past year is the only times I've ever been asked out by any guy. And I just don't want this love junk anymore. I'm content on how I am right now. Plus, I'm more desperate to find myself and knowing whether or not I'm on the spectrum.
I'm the only girl who hates shopping.

Don't worry about asking a girl out quickly. That wouldn't work at all, and your first date would be extremely weird because you wouldn't know the person that well.

Take your time. Get to know someone. If you're in a class with a girl, talk about the class, ask what she did over the weekend, ask where she's from, etc. The real key to talking to people is that people LOVE to talk about themselves, so if you are able to ask questions that allow people to talk about themselves, and you make them feel special and interesting, you appear to be BRILLIANT! Try this out on people you aren't interested in dating, but that you like to be around -- that way the pressure is off, and you can relax and practice. Then when you feel you have improved enough, and the outcome with these people has been positive, then you can advance to talking with a girl that you might like to ask out.

I can relate to the problem with not drinking -- people who drink seem to really not understand or relate to those who don't. But there are those select few out there who don't drink -- and when you find them, you'll probably find better prospects for dating as well.

Kris

I'm entering my fourth and final year and my experience so far has been that, contrary to what I've been told, in university I have even fewer opportunities to meet women and get dates than I did in secondary school. I wouldn't call myself shy either, but there seem to be few women who are single a few months into college and even fewer who are interested. On the first day of the first week in my first year I once got a girl's phone number after one conversation, knowing what I know now I would've asked her out but instead we just sent a few text messages to each-other and left it at that. That's as far as I've gone. All I can think of is that there are probably more opportunities in the first month or so of the college year to date than any other, since a lot of relationships end during the summer.

I don't drink alcohol, and this doesn't really help either on the wider social aspect. If you go to parties anyway I'd say a lot of people will think you're OK comparatively speaking, I think my popularity has been better going to parties and not drinking (which some would say is being social beyond the call of duty) than flat-out refusing invitations (which is antisocial).

Yeah, the pretty ones get approached all the time & usually start out dating several men when they get back in the market. So you pretty much have to strike them right or they go off to the more socialable guys. College is pretty tough spot to meet girls, its typically the time in their lives where they don't want anything serious & just want fun so they date the guys who give them thrills. The thing I find funny though.... The second I got into the real world making good money was really the time I did heavy dating. You can go on dates be cocky, funny, teasingly playful, and intelligent. The real kicker is having money to go do fun stuff like skiing, boating, going to the zoo and exhibits etc. I'm not saying flaunt your income (dont go and buy her a bunch of nice things) she'll casually find out if she likes you; thats usually frosting on the cake for girls.

Oh and I agree girls are horny... They are usually hornier than guys but have better control over it (they don't want to be seen as sluts so its typically hidden).

I don't see the point... I'll just need to work constantly to pay rent. I've had people tell me it's smart to live at home... At least if I live at home for a long time, I'll save up money and then when I'm done have some good degrees and hit the ground running. I'm sure when I'm in my 30's and have a good job with lots of money, I'll get all the dates I want.

I don't know... I'll try and keep talking to girls I see in class. It feels kind of hopeless sometimes if I think about it too much, but whatever... I'll do my part and leave it up to god. Even if I am not getting any dates or women, I refuse to beat myself up over it anymore. I am done with that fear of loneliness and desperation BS. It never helps anything, it just makes life worse.

All the women I met in college claimed to already have boyfriends. Since I also had no job, I had no money and no way of getting around. I also didn't drink. I tried approaching women in my classes, in the dormitories, in the library, outside on campus, basically anywhere. If women there were incredibly horny, it sure didn't seem like it.

Somehow I get the feeling that you're not doing it right and seem to be coming off as desparate or dull. Nice guys are boring. Try rather a balance of "jerk" and "nice". Use jokes. You don't start off with hi then you wanna go to wherever. You need loosen up, relax, get a good conversation going and when the time is right, ask them out. Try a little more casual at first. Don't go, you wanna be my girlfriend. Instead start with something simply, "You go out for a coffee?" or something like that. Then go a little further, movies would be next thing. Finally start getting a little more romantic. Also you must leave your comfort zone. When she gets close, you get close. She wants to hold your hand and she edging over to do so, you do the same. Kissing the same thing, just do it. You'll get to really like it after awhile. Oh and don't keep talking about your "special" interest, it's annoying after awhile and can get really annoying when that person wasn't interested from the start. Hope that helps.

Not everyone is a "christian" and not everyone will like talking about him all the time. If you gonna do that, find a christian club group thing. Don't obsessively let god rule your life. It is just plain dull. Have your morals and rules but try to follow god's word to the letter. Of course you're aren't doing this already otherwise you would have stoned disobedient children long a go. I'm just saying, be open minded about things. Also not everything goes according to plan. Make several plans when it comes to life and be ready to break and mend as everything comes your way.

No offense, but I'm just wondering, how old are you and how much experience with women do you actually have? You're taking things people have said and blowing them way out of proportion.

Nah I just seem to over think things. Anyway this what I have found things are from my experience. Meh if I sounded over the top then you don't know me really well yet. Anyway I was just expressing an opinon.

You still didn't answer my question... which says more anyways. You're entitled to your opinion... but it's still just an opinion.

I did plenty of the casual conversation (at least the best I could; usually starting by asking about their classes or majors); I usually then asked for their phone numbers to plan something out later (as I thought this was the traditional next step). No girls ever leaned closer to me or tried to hold my hand.

I'm out of college now, by the way, and I'm pissed that those myriad opportunities to meet women don't generally happen in the "adult" world (where you may be working in an office surrounded mostly by people close to double your age for eight to nine hours a day, five days a week or so). In the adult world, you really have to hunt around to find young adults because the age spread is much wider and people are generally busy with some boring routine.

Oh that, yeah I have been out with women but nothing really long term.