Why do people get married?

Post Reply New Topic

As an (albiet very childlike) adult who has never married, and probably never will marry...I find the whole thing to be vey confusing.
I am confused I guess by seeing too many movies and too many episodes of Divorce Court..and articles like this one....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20080902/hl ... taymarried

What is the big deal?

I guess I just want to hear different people's takes on it.

I am in a long term relationship where marriage is not going to happen...and sometimes I emphasise the fact to him that WE ARE NOT MARRIED...his arguement is that marriage is for christians...or stuff like that.....

I fill the role for him that a wife would fill...we are financially and emotional bound....

but is there something more to it than that?

Wouldn't know.

I think marriage is more of a legal issue than a romantic one.

I grew up with "regular" married parents and that worked
fine for them. Me and my ex talked about it, but non of us
saw the need to do anything more, we already had each other
and what we needed, no ceremonie or culture could make
that stronger. When we met, she had a really "girly" dream
of getting married and doves and the full package but
she lost interest after getting older, we just didn`t need it.
But if she woud have wanted to, it would have been cool
with me, so i`ll swing either way, whatever works i guess

For some people, it has spiritual meaning, or an added sense of security that the person will stick around (whether or not that is actually true is a different story). And then some people just do it for the social status, as they see having a wedding as a necessary event and/or adhere to the "wife/husband, two kids and a house" theory of a complete life. Probably the latter is the cause of many a divorce.

In the case of you and your partner, from what it sounds like, it'd really just be a matter of legal stuff, like taxes, property and child custody if you ever got divorced, and other benefits in that sense.

If I completely trusted a live-in partner of sorts, I could go my life without getting married easily.

Christians, Catholics, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Scientolgists, Atheists, whites, blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Italians, Lithuanians.... EVERYONE gets married. In every culture, society, and religion throughout history has had some sort of rite of marriage, and typically only one. If I'm going to end up spending the rest of my life with one woman, which I really hope I do, there is no way that it's going to be like every one else's relationship, it's not going to be a marriage. "I don't want to be your other half I believe that 1 and 1 make 2" Because the other thing they all have in common is some sort of fail-safe to get yourself out when you don't feel like it anymore. Once I find the person I want to be with for good, I'm going to let her know, and if she concurs, that's all there really is to it. I'm very adamant about holding true to my word, and when I say I'm going to love someone until the end, that's what I'm going to do.

I don't believe in marriage, look at how many divorces there are, after these story book weddings. Some people live together for many years without having a useless piece of paper between them. If a couple loves each other, they should just become a common law couple, and maybe divorce lawyers will become extinct.

Well, it's a social contract of a kind. And back in the days where "blood" lineage was terribly important, one kept the breeding stock close at hand.

These days I'd say the main considerations are 1) religious beliefs (which probably stem originally from the concept above) and 2) economic factors. In the USA there are significant tax breaks for married couples. I believe that's left over from the days when women had few options other than to grow up to get married - the laws were written such that they'd have at least some sort of hypothetical security that way.

In this day and age? It probably goes to one of those, yeah. Being married is no guarantee that you'll stay married - 50% of marriages end in divorce. They probably always would have, but there weren't a lot of options for women in "the old days" - when you're thought of as used goods and have nowhere to go except back home to mom and dad. If things don't work out, can't be worked out now, we're not trapped as in the days gone by.

Aside from logistics, there's not a lot of advantage to being married if you have kids (from what I've seen) as the tax breaks for single-head-of-household are good. Actually, logistics isn't all that much of an argument - most guys are not going to be pulling their load as far as caring for the kids and taking care of the home anyway. Better to not have to deal with someone who just eats and makes more work, and then demands your time when you're exhausted from caring for the kid(s).

I will never get married because first of all I don't want children, I'm just not responsible enough to bring a child into the world, I would let the child down badly and feel terrible about it. Also, I can't have people around me ALL the time as you do in a marriage. You get up in the morning and your wife is there, you travel to work (OK, slight break here, you don't have to talk to the people on the bus, or you can drive alone), then you work all day with people, travel home again (another half hour break, not enough) and your wife is there again until you go to sleep!

Sleeping time doesn't count. I need time awake and on my own to recover from my time with people. It's analagous to sleep deprivation though, inasmuch as I can do it for a while but the longer it goes on the more urgent my need for solitary waking time becomes. I also find myself becoming more typically and obviously aspie the longer I spend without a break from people. If I can't get away from people, after several hours I'll start doing the typically aspie things more; answering rhetorical questions, taking everything literally etc. Once I have a break from people I am refreshed and more ready to play the NT games and understand NTs and speak to them. In a marriage this will never happen.

I like company but it tires me out, I need breaks from it. I know NTs who just CANNOT be on their own. If they are on their own for 2 minutes they have to phone someone, go and see someone or invite someone round. I actually like company but it's something that drains me a little bit, like dancing or driving. I can do it for several hours and enjoy it but eventually I have to have a rest. As far as I can see NTs, or at least many of them, NEVER have to take a rest from people and some are totally distraught by the idea of just an hour or so on their own.

You hit the nail on the head Brunny. I see it the same way, while I like some human contact, I find being around people 24/7 would drive me (and I suspect most Aspies, and even a few NTs) bonkers in short order. I find about 10-20 hours of being around people a week to be optimal, more than that bothersome, though if I go through a few days without talking to anyone it is frightning too.

Marriage does not suit everyone.

NTs do much without questioning, and are more given to peer and family pressures than Aspies. Some as mentioned in earlier posts have an idyllic vision of married life, others feel a sense of duty, others are pushed into it either by partners, friends (with friends like that who needs enemies??), relatives, employers, etc.

ALso I know people like you mentioned, usually NTs, that can't stand to be alone for any length of time, and start pining within an hour. I envied them at first and realized the less dependent you are on anything the better off you are. Would you rather be able to last days without air, rather than seconds??

Another aspect of this is often Aspies have to put energy into keeping up a guard or persona around NTs so they don't become perceived as weird etc. This takes energy, and that can cause fatigue after a while.

-----

Marriage is complete BS. It's part-tradition/part legal crap.

Weddings are for NTs. Most NTs are obsessed with useless traditions, while aspies are the complete opposite and can't even begin to comprehend the meaning behind most traditions.

Why would a couple want to?:

. Have a bunch of people who they probably don't like very much attend their wedding? (There are always idiots who'll attend your wedding)

. Spend so much money on something that lasts a few hours? ($10,000 for something that lasts 8 hours? Give me a break!)

. Deal with so much anxiety for virtually no reason? (Weddings are EXTREMELY stressful)



I'm not a grouchy guy or anything, and I DO believe that you can fall in love, but weddings are just superficial BS. I wish more people would come to realize this. Most people can't form their own opinions and ideas, so they just do what they see their friends and people on TV do.

I got married, i had a religious wedding. But it is now one with the big dress. I was simple, i was like a meal with friends just to show to people we are together now.
I am a religious person (no comment please ) and i was really important to get married in order to be together. (we got married 2 months after we met)
We had a legal wedding later. But it was an half hour thing. Overwhole we didnt spend a lot!
I dont like all the traditionnal crap for weddings, and ass pat666rick says why would we want to spend so much money on a few hours when after we have to eat only pasta for months!

I've pondered that question myself. I could see two people who would want to be in a commited relationship but live together for the rest of their lives?

Not saying it's bad but I would imagine it turning more and more into a sibling relationship when you're doing everything together in that house beside kissing, cuddling, talking, and *bump* *bump* *bump.*

This is coming from someone who had no privacy in their own home.

Well we are not doing everything together. I am on my own little world and very distant. I m fine with a book on my own for example. My husband works a lot, and i home educated our children. So during the day, we are not together. When he come back from work, we have a little chat, then i will kill euh.. put to bed the kids.
Again we chat a lot. it is great to have somebody to talk to! Even though i cannot say everything i feel, i can talk a lot. I love my husband, and i am happy we got married. I dont know if marriage it is important beside the religious side (if you are religious that is)