Aspergers?

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Hi-

I recently dated a man who was great with conversation on the phone. When we moved in together in a platonic way to see how things would go, he closed right down.

At first he tried. Within two weeks, he only wanted to come home and sit on one spot on the couch and watch TV.

He has a big house, yet uses only the bed room, one burner on the stove, one spoon, one fork, one knife, and his spot on the couch. All the other rooms are for storage.

It was agony to see this. I tried. I would touch him and try to hold his hand- he would actually pull away. Nothing I did broke through to him in any way. I tried to get him to do things and offered to talk.....nothing.

So I left. And when I did, he wrote to tell me how lonely he felt and how sad. I never knew. His face never chaged expression and he never said a nice word to me while I was there.

I am very sad to have lost my friend and boyfriend in one swoop.

Has this happened to anyone? I feel really sad not to have been able to connect or help.

Its not personally happened to me, but I think it's a shame to lose him completely. Could you not be friends? Be how you were before? He might not have told you before he was bothered that you were, but you know now. Perhaps try and build on what you know now?

I don't know, he can't really expect you to just sit there all the time. Be his friend, I guess, but any more is unfair to you.

Yes, I will still be his friend once I am able to heal from this. I know he is suffering and it is not his fault. He just has no way to tell me how he feels.

Thank you for the input- I will certainly not try to to never be his friend. I vaule my friends very much, but whew- I need to heal.

It's weird that he doesn't seem to have thought past the moment of you moving in together.

You don't seem to have spoken much, either of you, about your expectations of a living-together relationship generally, or with each other. Did you discuss this at all? The theory of you actually living together, as opposed to just moving in together? And you say he tried for a couple of weeks, but surely he must have known that a relationship is a matter of ongoing communication and compromise, when you're in a relationship you can't carry on living like a single person. Well not in most instances, unless you come across someone else who wants exactly the same thing.

Yes, we did talk much about it. It is very bizarre because I have Aspergers, but very low. He thinks he does not have anything, mild depression.

So we talked a lot about how we could live together. At first it went well. We did not get into each other's hair, which was our main concern. He cannot be talked to before work, for instance. I need some space to do my things. Then, once they were done, and he was home, I thought it would be normal.

But in 2 weeks, he closed right down. It is very sad. He is so nice and this hurt him a lot, but he showed no expression at all. Inside he was hurting, but outside he had no connection. I know what it's like. I have this problem, too. But I have never been around someone who had it to this extent.

Never did he say he liked me there. Or if I did something nice I got no feed back, so I did not know if he liked the things I was doing (leaving a note or making something he might like to eat). No encouragement or feedback.

I care for him and know he is hurting. But it was too painful to be treated like a plant day in and day out.

And though we discussed it, the problem was that he had such little insight into the severity of his issues, that we were not prepared for that. He thnks he is just mildly depressed. Actually he has no ability to communicate at all and social and emotional reciprocity is non-existent. Ironically he can work, but has no real friends. Ah, too sad!! !

Likely he has PDDNOS or Avoidant Personality Disorder maybe