The Art of Complimenting

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You'll read some gurus talking about how complimenting is a sign of supplication/ass-kissing, and will ruin your chances with a girl. There's been a trend where you aren't taught to give a girl any sort of reward for being who she is... and I believe this is what leads to so much failure from students seeking to create relationships.

Ever been told to never compliment a woman? It was a LIE! It can be one of the greatest escalators to comfort, bonding, and it isn't to be ignored by anyone wanting a date with a quality woman.

1 ) Get to talk to her. Become curious about her. This is best done by asking open-ended questions about her day-to-day life, her career.

2 ) "That's really cool, that you're [fill in blank with an HONEST reason that you admire her]"... and it HAS TO BE ABOUT SOMETHING SHE HAS ACHIEVED. Not her looks. You can compliment a woman about her looks later on, but when you're getting to meet her, getting to KNOW her, pick something that you find truly likable about her that sets her apart from the typical woman.

Let's say she's a nurse that wakes up at 6:00 AM to go to work and tend to people in need.

"I like that you are willing to help people who need it. That's great."

3 ) Don't overdo it. Compliments are spice, not the whole steak. If you overdo it, then yes, it can turn into ass-kissing.

|-o-| V4der |-o-|

Last edited by V4der on 12 Sep 2008, 6:52 am, edited 3 times in total.

I couldn't have said it better, and when you get down to it, some of us could do a little more complimenting.

Yes.

Don't compliment women? Who the hell's told you that?

I compliment women all the time, and I've never had to lie to them once. Honesty and originality doth a good compliment make.

The key is dual

a) the compliment must be genuine
b) the compliment must be something she doesn't hear a great deal. Aspies have a talent for noticing details? Perfect.

I sometimes say, "You look great in those clothes you're wearing today" or "Wow, I've not seen you so dressed up like that, I like it, looks very good on you"

When I'm not sure a compliment is placed upon me, it's "Hmm, ahh, OK, I'll take that as a compliment, thank you " and try to smile

Are we talking Aspie women? I was always quite put off by compliments. They were much too direct for my taste.

What I always preferred instead were expressions of the guy's feelings, like, "I really enjoy talking about geometry with you."

When guys addressed some quality about me directly, it made me want to run away fast.

The no compliment rule is being taught in a lot of romance gurus circles. David DeAngelo is really big on not complimenting a beautiful woman at all (though he contradicted this rule once with saying in one of his seminars saying "You're allowed one compliment...")

|-o-| V4der |-o-|

Last edited by V4der on 13 Sep 2008, 5:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

Completely agree with you.

... Interesting. You must be a lone ranger of sorts, because I've used complimenting to great effect before.

Isn't David DeAngelo that a**hole that makes millions off of other people's despair?

I don't know his income, and I don't know how many of his students are in despair.

Well the compliment that my dad used on my mom long before I was born was "Your hair is the same color of a Rhode Island Red rooster". It worked but seems rather tacky to me.


I am at a loss not only how to compliment, but how to respond to them.

I have no idea how to accept compliments properly, but that doesn't stop me from enjoying them. Occasionally I need one, it's a good confidence booster for me, especially from someone I know won't say something just to make me happy.

The problem is, while guys lately aren't "supposed" to GIVE compliments, women aren't "supposed" to WANT compliments. It shows that you're needy, or something.

Sometimes it's just nice to hear that someone likes something about you!

Who's going to teach my boyfriend these things?? (He's getting better at this 'treating women like real people' thing.. apparently all his exes were more insane than I am, which really is saying something.)