Is it important to play "hard to get"?

Post Reply New Topic

I would feel much better knowing that a woman chose me, rather than wondering if she is just tolerating me, because I played "the game" right.

The illusion of unavailability is very real to me
and it seems to me only people who don't care about unavailability would pursue it.
(brats who always get everything they want)

The polls said this and I didn't expect these results:
Most of us males here on WP have more female than male friends.
Most of us males here on WP are virgins.

So, I could be wrong about this in general but I think that
we need more help and less obstacles in relationships.

The play of 'hard to get' is a evolutionary trait evolved in females ....and it's necessary to assure a good breeding and that only males with good genes would pass their genes to the next generations.

Lions fight each others in order to mate with the Lionesses , the Lioness would pick to mate with the winner without any objection but if any less lion approach to 'mate' her then she would resist herself violently.

Females cats usually keep 'resisting' violently many attempts of 'rapes' from male cats till she fails to.


During the mating ritual of the bees , the Queen bee (the fertile female bee) would go out the hive with bunch of males and she would flies as fast as she can ...the male bee who is fast enough to catch her will be the father of the upcoming female workers of the next population of the hive (since male bees are haploid and only have one set of chromosomes inherited only from their mother while females are diploid so they have 2 set of chromosomes : one from the mother queen and one from the father)


Humans are not that much different than the other species ....we are all from the same planet and evolved from one common lifeform .

Evolution and nature explain 90 to 95 % of human behavior.

LPP, I was hoping you'd chime in because I knew you'd say something different, and it's always good to hear a variety of takes on a subject.

So how do you think this information about lions, bees, and evolution applies to human courtship on a practical level?

That's easy RTB ... in fact, a single girl usually doesn't play the 'hard to get' in a steady way with all guys, she might plays the "very hard to get" with unattractive guys in order to get rid of their unnecessary attention that would only cause her nuisance while she might play the "slightly hard to get" with a guy of her type in order to get more his attention , she will be more receptive to his flirts and jokes (the girl in fan mode that giggles at a every "joke" said by the attractive guy).

That's why you notice in general that girls are more easygoing with the guys that they find them attractive while they are less easygoing with the unattractive guys.

Also, playing the 'hard to get' is necessary to test the guy's determinism ,social forwardness and confidence ....which are all alpha traits. If the guy is totally unambitious and non-confident then he would get tried quickly of trying with the girl while a guy with some strong-will will show some kind of determinism to talk more with the girl.

All this is done under unconscious level without being aware of, unconscious level = instincts.

Most people say that humans are very complicated creatures when it comes to dating , I disagree ...they are so easy to be scientifically observed and explained.


So my advice to you: Do not ever quit your natural power of playing 'hard to get ' , because giving up this ability might leads you to loads of unwanted attentions and conflicts with many males. Do not listen to cyberman and the others , do not give up this natural power just in order to please others' feeling ....be very objective about that matter and only think about your own benefit and your future.

LePetiteDarwin, if my mom had played "hard to get," you'd have one less cybernetic monster on WP to worry about.

...maybe that's why you and me are born autistic who are still singles during adulthood? Just a thought. Anyways, my parent's marriage was mostly ...arranged.

Maybe, Herr Doktor... but scientists have not yet been able to confirm if it's genetic or not. Evolution isn't the only scientific factor in the universe, you know. In my case, it could've had something to do with being injected with multiple vaccines all at once as a child.


My parents' marriage wasn't. And those pseudo-scientific theories do not explain how my mom, an NT extrovert with an above average appearance, could fall for an introverted and socially-inept guy like my dad, AND stay together.

I agree.

But if autism is caused by external factors then that makes it certainly an unwanted anomaly and so excluded from natural selection.

LePetitPrince said:

I understand his theory.
It makes great sense for normal people who are instinctually in it for the genes.
It makes sense for people not on WP.

I also understand that all of us can choose to reject people we don't like.
(In other words, use the power of playing hard to get, so we don't get got.)

I also have spent so much of my life watching successful NT behavior (in real life, not TV),
that I could cheat on the NATURAL SELECTION test and with a little extra effort "get some".

But I won't play this game because I'm not into trophies and prizes.
The game is on such a crooked path between point A and point B that
I don't believe it is possible to find the way to point B after winning the game,
and point B = the things I really want in a relationship.

I unnaturally choose point B, not the prize of the game.
Point B is like owning half of the trophy factory anyway!

....and easily erronous?

well, I think it can be, it usually comes from observation that something or someone would be more desirable when it is very hard or impossible to get, than something or someone easily to get.

We may look things we don't and never had to be more interesting than things we currently have or had before, as well as we tend to appreciate things we have, when we lose them, more than when we used to have them.

In my experience, "Hard to Get" == "Lack of Interest."

It never made sense to me to waste time, effort, and money in courting a girl who played by "The Rules" when there were so many fast, easy, and cheap women available.

Paradoxically, I never married any of them. Instead, my wife and I were engaged for almost two whole years after dating each other for a year. She wasn't fast, easy, or cheap, but she did (and still does) respect herself and others around her, and she was interested in me, not in my wealth, property, or social status.

As for being "coy"... I think it's the playfulness that's attractive, not the distance. You can show interest and be playfully shy about it. But if you act like you're not interested... that's exactly how I'd interpret it. I'd see it as a sign to stay the hell away. But that's just me.

Sometimes, I think a small part of it, is that women are seeing who the "crazy stalker" types are, and who are those who are interested in who they really are. Interested in a real way, in that they are not just in it for physical contact.

If a guy keeps reasonable communication, that means he won't smother her. He wants to get to know her. If he obsessively calls her 10 times after the first date after she doesn't respond to one e-mail, then he may be stalker material. And, most likely just wants to get with her.

Of course this doesn't apply to everyone, but I had a girl mention this in a round-about way once.

^ Yes, it's definitely best to stay away from anyone who calls you ten times a day without a really good reason (good reason = close friend or relative in hospital, etc.).

LPP, I want to respond to several things you said, but first, I think it's worth mentioning that I don't find "alpha" types attractive. I think it's kind of the opposite. So I guess I'm an evolutionary f**k-up and I should never reproduce!

Now on to some news . . . .

The reason I was thinking about this stuff was that my boyfriend was being a bit distant and I was concerned that I had come on too strong and scared him away. Or that he might not like me as much as I like him - but how would I know if I'm often the one initiating our plans?

So I tried putting some of these concepts into practice last night! I was my usual self, but I intentionally acted a little more independent and a little more flirtatious. I didn't hang on his every word as though he was a rock star I worshiped (which has been known to happen). Sometimes I sat at a distance from him and gave him a quick flirtatious glance in the midst of conversation with other people. Subtle things like that.

And apparently, it worked! When we met up, he said he was in such a depressed state of mind, he had considered calling off the date, but before long, he had a huge grin on his face, was laughing at all my jokes, showering me with compliments . . . and everything else to indicate I had put him in a much better mood and caused him to go crazy for me.

What I learned is that the actual "hard to get" game is not necessary, but subtle (and well-timed) flirtation, confidence, and independence can make a difference. It seems you're supposed to show the guy that you really like him but you have enough going for you on your own, you don't need to openly worship him.