dating site advice

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No you're not. But because men are so visually oriented, having eye-catching pictures will Really help you to get (more)responses. Then you can have your pick among those who message you . Trust me, Im a guy, I totally know about these things.

ok, I believe you

I will put some full body shots on there when I can next borrow a camera.

by the way what do you mean by *nice* clothes?

I have opted to not post any pictures in any online profile I have with one exception. I believe people should like and message me for what I have to say, for my personality or for whatever reflects from it in an online profile. I dont need girls to message me saying I look good (or bad), if someone messages me I want to know why my personality was interesting enough for them to message me. Then we can talk, and a picture can be sent afterwards. I prefer a certain degree of anonimity.

Figure-hugging... revealing to a less-than-slutty extent.

Exactly. I would say form-fitting, slightly provocative(low cut tops and short skirts certainly cant hurt )

*shakes head* If it is something you are comfortable with and want to do, then by all means - but I don't feel it the contrived necessity that it feels that others find it. In terms on communication, I would expect that you will receive more messages there, but it will also not entirely be the attention you may want. Something to consider.


M.

Never actually tried this but since us males (speaking as one) do like visuals the visual shots are a must

Yes I was quite niave in not fully conceptualizing how un anonymous the internet is but Ive been on here ages and a lot of people I know also go on here so Ive no secrets left really lol.

I do already get quite a lot of creepy messages asking for sex so I think its best not too put too leading photos and your quite right about it making people want you for the wrong reasons.

I agree !

My plan is to ask more questions as Ive really not done that.

Have you got good responses to compliments?

How do I tell if they are just being nice, saying it to be polite or if they are coming on to me?
for example its kind of obligotory to compliment a photo I show them?

Oh you guys! figure hugging mini dresses indeed!

Compliments... I'm probably the worst to ask, because unless I am struck by something - I'm absolutely terrible at giving compliments. Often they are positively received, but it depends on the person really... some feel that they aren't genuine while others thrive on them. My thought to be genuine, and look for opportunities to compliment in return. Remember the context; it is online dating/social networking... at the very least, the motivation is to meet people. In most cases it will be in the being nice to coming-on-to range. As for the example of the picture, sometimes the type of response is telling... if they compliment the image versus you specifically, it may be a case of being nice - and this is where asking questions comes in handy. Sometimes it will reveal what was meant by another comment, and gives you material to talk about in response. One thing I've used in the past, when I'm getting to know someone (not first thing, mind you) is send an entire message filled with questions. More times than not, it results in a period of exchanging questions, and can be fun and non-stressful.


M.

hey, i don't know if this will bother you but do you know that at the bottom of your profile is has some personality awards, and then questions?
do you know that one of your awards is "less Desiring of love"??? do you know what that means?? well the guys do! i was on there and deleted my page because this happened to me. the awards are supposed to be based of your questions you answered, guys will just skim the profile and look for the pictures to see if your in to kinky sex or like yours "less deserving of love" means your not looking for love just sex i started to get all theses mes from married guys or guys just wanting a one night stand! it was hard for me to understand at first, it was a guy that told me "your profile says you just want sex" you need to read the meanings of the awards. i tried with no success to get them to take it off. i deleted my page when the questions at the bottom, "quotes suposably important to me" was changed to do you like pain in sex!! !! i felt it was no longer safe to meet any one though them. i did try to change my profile saying don't contact me if your married or just want sex and after that the e-mails stoped i think that the awards scared away the nice guys and then my statements at the top scared away anyone else! any ways you should check your awards if thats not what you want and reading your profile i wouldn't think it is.

Last edited by ccflowergirl on 02 Oct 2008, 12:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Um, no. It's "less desiring of love", not less deserving.

It can be read as having less of a need for that component in one's life, or a lower priority. Not that someone is seeking sex. Men being asshats, unfortunately, isn't going to change - and that sounds like some of the messages you were receiving. But I think you're way off-base with this whole response. The questions at the bottom are representative of those you have answered, and marked that the responses of others were important to you. Those change with almost every page load.

LB, I think you're doing fine. As you've seen with mine, there are a lot of random 'awards' based on the questions - and if someone is using that as an absolute definition of you... then you probably didn't want to talk to them in the first place.



M.

so what does this mean?? this is there definition-

"Less Desiring of Love
To sum up this category, we will quote liberally from one of the country's great scribes, rapper 50 Cent: "I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love. So come give me a hug, if you into to getting rubbed." -- poetry. Pure poetry. "

sorry i miss spelled

...and their definitions are off-the-cuff and absurd. I read it that the person does not have love as high a priority or, perhaps, does not see love as requisite for intimacy. But the assumption is on the male, not on Lotus's part. I'm sorry you had a bad experience; I do not see the same level of issue that you seem to, in large part because I expect people to act inappropriately online. It hasn't changed in 25 years, I don't see it changing now.


M.

lol I got that award, as in the questions I valued intelect and the arts over love.

Also all the similar women at the bottom right are all more attentive.

I actually think its a good thing as it makes me not look like a needy stalker, which is something I think men are worried about when they write to a woman.

I am quite emotionally deficient and independent so I think less desiring of love is quite acurate.

I want a life partner to share time and conversation and sex with.

I dont want someone needy smothering me with "love" and demands- I get enough of that from me kids lol lol