why I chose my Aspie husband

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Quick background and prelude to my topic - I'm an NT woman married to an Aspie man. Figured things out about 6 years ago, got a diagnosis about 3 years ago.

Yes, he can be clueless. Yes, he can make me feel invisible. Yes, I sometimes worry when he's alone taking care of the kids (not so much now as they are 15, 13, and 9).

But when I look back on things, I realize that he was the ideal choice for me when we started dating. Prior to meeting my husband, I'd had other boyfriends/loves. My first love was rather torrid and all-consuming and ended quite messily.

After that, I put up the proverbial walls, not wanting to be so consumed by another and also not wanting another to be so consumed by me. As I did move on to other relationships, I realize now that I let them end when I felt they were getting too serious, when I felt that the guys were being too attentive.

Enter the Aspie husband - PERFECT!

So in his defense, as I struggle with his inattentiveness, I do know that I am also a part of this dance. I chose him because of the "feedom" that being married to an Aspie allows, even though I didn't know anything about Asperger's at the time we got married.

I'm just curious about other NT's here on this forum. What do you think it was that led you to love/marry your Aspie partner?

I hooked up with my Aspie (or broader autistic phenotype) boyfriend because we seemed to have more or less compatible nerdy personalities, we seemed to be on a similar page at the time in terms of what we did *not* want in love (to rush into sex, to have a tumultuous relationship with poor communication), we had common interests, and because my tendency to be a little blunt and selfish did not seem to bother him much. In fact, with much of our communication being verbal and straightforward, and anything non-verbal being supplemented with verbal communication when necessary, I think our relationship is a lot healthier in the communication department than a lot of NT/NT relationships. When we have a conflict, we can both be logical about it and work it out. And while he's actually the more emotionally needy one, he gives me my space when I ask for it. He can understand the need for space, as he is a fellow introvert and often needs to retreat from situations that get too heated or otherwise out of control.

So, in the end, it was a temperamental compatibility. The Aspieness may have helped insofar as it contributed to his temperament, but otherwise, it doesn't seem to interfere with our relationship much. We do have issues, like anyone, and they seem to be a unique-to-him combination of temperament and the Asperger influence on his personal and social development, but we're quite adept at working out issues. I almost find working out conflicts to be the best part of the relationship - it makes things interesting.

One question, where do we go to meet and attract an NT girlfriend. How do we go about doing do?

I was attracted to his honest and tender nature. He's a total gentlemen. We seem to want long term the sames things in a marriage/relationship.

But he makes me crazy.... cause I feel like 95% of the time I'm carrying the relationship. If I didn't already care so deeply for him I would probably throw my hands up and quit. But I hang in there hoping we will find a happy medium. Hopefully it will grow to a commitment like marriage.... right now I don't know how you girls get to the altar with these men.

I will say though I think if this grows to that point it will work out to be a great union. Since I tend to overcommit to things and his need for space and not being insecure of were I am and what I'm doing and wanting me in his hip pocket all the time will work out wonderfully. And we will both be happy with the balance. But right now when he's not around or calling I feel desperatley insecure. Hoping for a happy medium soon he really is an awesome man.

[One question, where do we go to meet and attract an NT girlfriend. How do we go about doing do?]

Yes, like GITW said, meet them through your interests and hobbies. My husband and I met in college - same major (engineering - go figure!) and we also have other interests in common. We do have our differences, naturally. I'm an extrovert, for example, but I've always been attracted to the quiet types.

he loses track of time... and he's told me this is a problem...but like we will get together for dinner and he will say was this past weekend of the weekend before that I seen you last... meanwhile I'm fully aware of the fact that two weeks has past. He's worth the stress though... cause when we are together the world is right.

I take juggling lessons, sure lots of cute girls show up, but I'm in it for the life skills.

^