How does one get a girlfriend?

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I simply dont know the answer to this question (in fact, if I did, I would not have been an aspie). Can one just ask a girl if she wants to be ones girlfriend? How does one know if a girl is interested or not? I have been to some dating sites, but how should I present myself in a favourable, but yet true, way? Yesterday I found some dating sites for aspies only, but as there are about three times more men than women there, the competition is a bit hard.

By the way, I could maybe present myself. I am a 36 year old man from Norway. I am a political scientist by education, and besides politics, I am interested in history, culture, travel etc. I am looking for a girlfriend for a serious relationship. I tried to put in a picture of myself, but it was to large (sic!).

To attract women, become attractive to women.

Dress for the kind of woman you want to attract. If you dress excessively casual, you will only attract slobs. Dress slacks, loafers, and a button-down shirt make a good first impression. Keep the flashy colours to a minimum, but try to not fall into a strict black-trousers-and-white-shirt routine. Keep your shoes shined, your nails trimmed, and your hair combed. Bathe daily. Brush and floss.

A modest show of wealth helps. An expensive watch and a single ring on your right hand are sufficient. Avoid excessive jewelry. A nice car, clean on the inside and outside, are also important. No woman I've ever known would ride a bus on a date if she could, unless it's to get from the stadium parking lot to box seats.

Important note: Whoever makes the invitation pays for everything. Thus, if you invite a woman out, bring at least twice as much cash as you think you'll need. But if she makes the invitation, then she pays - but still carry cash. Few things are as embarrassing as to be invited out to dinner by a woman and then have her expect you to pay. Don't make a scene, just pay the tab, bid her 'Good Evening', and go home. End of relationship.

Conversation? Trust me, the man usually does more listening than talking, overall. Of course, the first few dates, she'll try to find out as much as possible about you. The usual stats are important, of course (full name, place of birth, colleges attended, favorite this or that...), but it is also your delivery she's attending to. If you speak in a constant, flat monotone like Ferris Bueler's professor, then she'll be bored. If your emotions run all over the chart, then you'll frighten her. If all you seem to talk about is how miserable your life is and how nobody understands you, then you'll likely never see her again.

Paste a James Bond - like smirk on your face. Keep your voice low in tone and volume. Make eye contact, but don't stare. Lean into her space, but don't loom imposingly. Use terms that involve inclusion, nurture, comfort, tolerance, and peace. Avoid terms that involve exclusion, disdain, suffering, hatred, and conflict. Be gracious to her and others ("Please" and "Thank You"). Offer your arm when walking together. Get to the door first, and hold it open for her. Hold her chair for her. And if a woman can't handle being treated in a gentlemanly fashion, then she's not worth seeing again.

Be able to carry your end of a random conversation. Read everything you can. National Geographic, Science & Nature, Sky & Telescope, and the Smithsonian are good for the cerebral types; and the Times, Newsweek, Wall Street Journal, and other major periodicals are good for current events; but don't forget that a lot of women actually read those magazines you see at the check-out stand. Try to keep up on social news, if only to know who got kicked off what reality TV show last night.

Don't forget a few of the Classics - Ibsen, Eyre, and others of the Victorian and Edwardian eras will be useful, especially if she holds an English or Literary major.

Finally, do not impose your desires on a woman without a clear and unequivocal invitation. 'No' always means 'No', but keep in mind that women seems to be more physically affectionate than men, so don't mistake a good-night kiss for an invitation to ... <*ahem*> ... navigate your longboat into her fjord.

Thanks for the answer!

Wow, I get nervous just by reading that list of things. Hmm, cant drive a car. Took the licence, but had to give up driving as I cant take in everything that happens. So, it would have to be a taxi. Hmmm, I tend to dress quite causally, I must admit. Its not so important to me how the girl dresses, as long as she is a nice person. Are all girls that eager on how people dress? I see many girls that dress quite causally (maybe not on date, though, I couldnt really say). Isnt there a risk that you just get a superficial girl if you buy an expensive watch and stuff?

I havent been on manye dates, just two I think. I asked the girl out both times. I said I could pay, but Norwegian women tend to be quite independent and wants to pay for themselves.

You're very welcome. I'd like to see some of the women also give their responses.


A man is judged by the clothes he wears. Dress to impress; dress for success. Look at every date as if it were a job interview, sans résumé. Would you wear wellies and a trenchcoat to an interview for a chief accountant's position?


The watch does not have to be expensive, as long as it looks expensive. There is always the risk that you'll meet a superficial woman no matter how you dress. All else being equal, wouldn't you rather be with a superficial woman that looks and smells nice than a superficial woman who looks and smell like she just came off the docks? How much care a person puts into their appearance says a lot about their character.


Then go "Dutch" (No intended offense to people from Holland; it's just an expression we Yanks use). Just remember that while she may say that she can pay for herself, she actually may not be able to comfortably afford everything. Carry the extra cash. Some women pay their own way so that they won't feel pressured into "putting out" after a night on the town. Some men actually believe that women owe them something in return for an evening's treat. Never mind that, her mere presence should be sufficient reward. Go "Dutch" the first few times, but insist on picking up the tab when you can.

Keep in mind, though, it is very easy - once you know how - to get "a" girlfriend. I could easily have "a" girlfriend tomorrow, if I decided. The right girlfriend is more important for aspie men than it is for other men.

Is there really any aspie men that can EASILY get a girlfriend?

Well, yeah - me.
But just "a" girlfriend doesn't interest me. I live in Adelaide, after all. A very... disappointing place. Maybe I'll try Brisbane...

Well, then you must be extremely attractive, so that the girls are running after you...

casual does not mean that you're a slob. If you wear nice clothes, it doesn't matter what style they are. Dressing up for everything could conversely give someone the impression that you're too up tight.

You actually missed a thread I made awhile ago on the problems that can cause.
Besides which, being physically attractive isn't enough. That only "gets your foot in the door".

Some probably can.

Strange, it seems like so many of the guys here have just as much understanding of this as nevrotypicals. I thought most aspie men had no clue about women. Well, if it was ANY woman, I guess I could fix it. Like mad women running after people with a knife or something...

I thought that aspie men almost by definition didnt have a clue.

Not even close. That's just a stereotype. Most know how, but lack the capability/getting the girlfriend requires skills that the aspie man knows they are not good at.

Well, of course, I know that if I looked a bit more like Brad Pitt I could just sit waiting for the girls to fight over me. Actually, it would have ben fair that aspie men had been most physically attractive, as they then wouldnt even have NEEDED skills in dating...

I have met quite a few aspie men, but none of them knows how to get a girlfriend.

Show me a woman who doesn't have impossibly high standards for what she wants in a man, and I'll show you a "girlfriend."