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Haliphron
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15 Oct 2008, 1:17 pm

Well Im okcuid and I came across the profile of a woman, aged 28, who is unconventional and artsy but very social and ironically enough she works with autistic/aspergers kids for a living 8O . So I asked her if she knew much about the asperger end of the spectrum and she said that she also worked with aspie kids(nearly ALL boys though :? ). But then I sent her another reply talking about being an aspie adult and she pretty much ingored me from then on. Ive had similar experiences with women my age who are involved in working with ASD kids but were dismissive and uninterested in getting to know me even after I told them I have aspergers. I would think that such people would at the very least have some curiosity about what aspie adults are like, since surely they realize that the kids they work with will one day be grown up. I find myself very annoyed that the popular perception of Aspergers is that its a disorder that affects children, kinda like ADD, rather than a lifelong mental illness the way bipolar disorder is. I wonder if these women are uncomfortable around aspie adults, maybe the just dont see aspies as peers since their experience with aspies is mostly with kids.



JohnHopkins
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15 Oct 2008, 1:52 pm

This is nothing to do with curiosity - it'd be like bringing their work home.

A lot of people can handle the difficulties dating someone with Asperger's can place on a relationship. But someone who works with special kids all day? That's so tiring, so draining and often has little reward. Then having to consider all of this again with the guy she's dating?

And then from your angle, isn't she essentially going to just see you as someone else she has to look after, to help crossing the road?

It's not a good basis for a relationship.



Haliphron
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15 Oct 2008, 1:59 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:
This is nothing to do with curiosity - it'd be like bringing their work home.

A lot of people can handle the difficulties dating someone with Asperger's can place on a relationship. But someone who works with special kids all day? That's so tiring, so draining and often has little reward. Then having to consider all of this again with the guy she's dating?

And then from your angle, isn't she essentially going to just see you as someone else she has to look after, to help crossing the road?

It's not a good basis for a relationship.


Perhaps not a *romantic relationship* but I would think they would be interested in talking to me if they werent aquainted with aspie adults. I she worked with ret*d kids I could understand not being able to relate to ret*d adults, be aspies are Anything but ret*d so I still am kind of befuddled.



lotusblossom
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15 Oct 2008, 2:01 pm

I used to voluteer with a charity that worked with people with learning disabilities. The people who worked there were all very nice but a lot were doing it to show how nice they were or because they thought themselves nice. They did not see themselves as equal or the same as those they worked with and definately would see dating someone with similar conditions as beneeth them or perverted.

Its the hardest thing about getting diagnosed is suddenly becomeing "other" in peoples eyes and being less than them, I really hate it. (especially as I am superior to everyone lol)



lotusblossom
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15 Oct 2008, 2:02 pm

Haliphron wrote:
JohnHopkins wrote:
This is nothing to do with curiosity - it'd be like bringing their work home.

A lot of people can handle the difficulties dating someone with Asperger's can place on a relationship. But someone who works with special kids all day? That's so tiring, so draining and often has little reward. Then having to consider all of this again with the guy she's dating?

And then from your angle, isn't she essentially going to just see you as someone else she has to look after, to help crossing the road?

It's not a good basis for a relationship.


Perhaps not a *romantic relationship* but I would think they would be interested in talking to me if they werent aquainted with aspie adults. I she worked with ret*d kids I could understand not being able to relate to ret*d adults, be aspies are Anything but ret*d so I still am kind of befuddled.


they view us as ret*d too



Cyberman
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15 Oct 2008, 2:04 pm

How is it that some NT members on WP (like Saffy or Sands) work with ASD people as part of their job, yet they have or are interested in having relationships with Aspies?



LePetitPrince
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15 Oct 2008, 2:29 pm

Quote:
maybe the just dont see aspies as peers since their experience with aspies is mostly with kids.


Or simply maybe you're just ugly , maybe she's lesbian , maybe she's taken.....there are tons of possible reasons , why you picked that complicated one?



Prof_Pretorius
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15 Oct 2008, 2:44 pm

Back and forth replies on e-mail are not the place to mention AS. Yes, it's good to say so up front, but you have to understand it's like saying you walk with a cane. It automatically limits your chances.


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MR_BOGAN
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15 Oct 2008, 3:21 pm

Women are super fickle, they want the best of the best (Mr Right), because they want to be looked after and want good genetics for their offspring. Think evolution and you can understand it. That's the only way I understand it. I've had similiar experiences.

The last girl I dated told me that all women were gold diggers. :shrug:

When talking to women for a start don't show them any weaknesses or tell them anything that is wrong with you because they are likely to dismiss you and not give you a chance(That is why us males naturally hide our feelings). Once they decide they like you then you can open up.



Postperson
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15 Oct 2008, 4:16 pm

Not everyone's into your kind of sex, hali.



t0
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15 Oct 2008, 4:58 pm

OP - I agree that you're making a judgement without apparent knowledge of the full situation. If you said "I talked to xxx, she's an Aspie caretaker, and she says she has no interest in adults with AS" then we could discuss that topic. But as such, we can't only make uneducated guesses as to why you're experiencing such results.

lotusblossom wrote:
Its the hardest thing about getting diagnosed is suddenly becomeing "other" in peoples eyes and being less than them, I really hate it.


Strange. I've always been "other" in peoples eyes and never professionally diagnosed. Are you sure it isn't "the hardest thing about ASD"?



Haliphron
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15 Oct 2008, 4:58 pm

Postperson wrote:
Not everyone's into your kind of sex, hali.
:roll:


And just exactly what kind of sex might that be Postperson? :lol:
Nothing on my profile even HINTS at that sort of thing-Im certaily not that tactless. :wink:
Bear in mind that Im not just talking about someone not wanting to get in bed with me here, Im talking about
people who work with aspie children being dismissive of aspie adults thankyouverymuch.



Postperson
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15 Oct 2008, 5:45 pm

You started a thread about it here. You and your uh sodomy thing.

As for aspie caretakers...they probably get enuf of that at work. thankyouverymuch.



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15 Oct 2008, 5:58 pm

Cyberman wrote:
How is it that some NT members on WP (like Saffy or Sands) work with ASD people as part of their job, yet they have or are interested in having relationships with Aspies?


Maybe because they see the positive side of an Aspie. There are many good things once you know them.


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Cyberman
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15 Oct 2008, 6:33 pm

People are implying that most "Aspie caretakers" don't want to date us because they see us as "diseased," so I'm wondering why a few of them see our "positive side."



Postperson
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15 Oct 2008, 6:36 pm

I think people from abusive backgrounds tend to like aspies. At least they don't get lied to, cheated on, beaten up etc etc etc.