Analysis of my love life- I need your conclusion/advice :)

Post Reply New Topic

Where do I begin? Well I'll skip the beginning and go straight to the current situation. I write this because I'm very alone romantically and need to make a 180 degree turn, because burning with lust and desire is torture to me. I'm not so arrogant as to ask the advice of others, to be unnescarily proud is to be foolish and naive.
So hear my story, and please give me useful advice, if you can.

I'm a 22 year old male who has been single all his life. I have been repeatedly rejected before in elementary, middle, and high school, although that is in the past and insignificant now. I have very few friends, and I'm more content to be alone than I am being in a public setting. I spend most of my time online, chatting with people and getting to know people better, much easier to siphon out the excessive emotional noise that way. I don't have much of a social life, as pathetic as it is, the Internet is my social life, a lot less risk involved.

Being single 22 years has made burn with terrible sexual lust and desire, to the point where I have done things I'm not entirely proud of just to decrease the feeling of desire and want. I feel so unfilled, I have plenty of material possessions, but the one thing that eludes me is love, which is so essential to happiness in life for most of us. I feel hollow inside.

I've tried everything to be romantically connected, I've cyberdated (although that was a long time ago and I realized the utter stupidity of it), I've tried to date friends of my friends, I've tried online dating sites, I've tried adding girls I find attractive on myspace to try and be friendly with them to start a relationship. I've done everything except for consorting with prostitutes, which I'd never do. But every single time, my efforts are in vain.

I'm not physically hideous, I'm average looking, and I'm kind, funny, friendly, and eccentric. I am very knowledgable in the sense of book smarts and knowledge in general. I speak with excellant diction and articulation, I like to dress formally often, when I'm not dressed casually. I show maturity way beyond that of a lot of my fellow peers. I'm moral and I abstain from risky and unnescary behavior. I have so much going for me personality wise, and yet I'm alone and unhappy.

I know a lot of guys are furious and depressed about cliche' "girls only caring for "bad boys" or "jerks" ordeal, but I really don't really care about it anymore. Being angry at a lot of women just because they make poor choices doesn't solve anything, and that's what I need, solutions.

I know most of my autistic brethern know the painful sting of loneliness, some of them have been single way longer than I have, and it is beyond me how they have kept their sanity. There is nothing worse in this world than being alone, whether it be seperated from your fellow man and isolated, or being romantically isolated and feeling that no girl you care about will care about you.

So this is where you, who have read this post, come and give me advice on what I should do. I am willing to listen to constructive criticism, if the end result is being in a good relationship, I don't care. Just thought I'd give this a try and see where it might lead me. Thanks for reading!

Well, I can't promise you anything, but here goes...

First, do whatever you can to find confidence in your appearance. Get a haircut. Wear your favorite clothes. Grow a beard. Work on your pecs. Whatever it takes to make you feel attractive, do it.

Second, get out of the house. Do things. Meet people. Whatever you like doing, do it more. If you like music, go see local bands play. If you like reading, go to bookstores. If you like art, go to galleries. If you like sports, go to a sports bar*. If you like coffee or tea, go to coffee shops. If you like drinking, go to bars*. Make friends first, and don't worry about "picking up chicks".

Third, don't come on too strong when you meet someone. That scares people. Then you come across as weird. Just accept whatever happens. Take it easy and don't get caught up in feeling rejected. Try to hold conversations as much as possible, and be honest without being too forward. Stay calm, and let the conversation flow naturally, as hard as that may seem. Talk to them like you would talk to a buddy. Women are humans and expect to be treated like a human, not a magical vagina.

Fourth, don't get discouraged. Women exude some level of distrust to any guy at first. It's natural. It's a way for them to sort out the creeps from the ones who are worthy. Always remember, you have to earn their trust.

Fifth, give it time. Be patient. It might take a super long time for you to find a comfort level, but it will happen.

*Be careful in bars. Bars are the easiest place to meet women. They're also the easiest places to meet alcoholics, sex addicts, and crazy people who are way more screwed up than you.

Thank you for not blaming other people for your own problems, that's a step in the right direction.

Make friends outside of the internet, doesn't matter who. Just as long as you see them on a consistent basis in real life.

as for a relationship, try to think there's some grand biological clock. And don't stifle yourself by not taking risks. life is risky deal with it.

To be honest, I think a relationship is a bit of a long shot if you don't even have that many friends. Also, a lot of guys on here keep saying ''I'm funny, I'm not fugly, why they hatin' on me.'' To that end, take an honest look at yourself and see what you can improve.

Maybe:
1.Relieve your "lust" (and it's social anxiety) before trying to talk to women.
2.Keep your ears open for interesting women talking as your peers in "maturity".
Talk to the ones that are talking about things that interest you, and they may be
DELIGHTED that you are interested in what they have to say.
Hint:They are very likely to be older than you.

And another thing, turn your shyness/awkwardness into an advantage. Self deprecating humor and aloofness can be very attractive if a girl gets to know you a little. Make sure you take your time and let the girl get to know you a little. She'll think your quirky and silly.

I think your taking steps in the right direction by joining online sites and trying to meet people. You might have a very high sex drive and that is why you feel driven with lust. Masturbating will help with that part.

My suggestions for finding someone would be to:
1. Ask others to help you, like your mom and her friends
2. Be open to all ages of women for possible dates (including older women.)
3. Start asking out women you know with something simple like "lets go get coffee". If nothing else, it'll build confidence.
4. Build your own self confidence and believe that you can do this. Keep your mind open and visualize what you want.

I like that you aren't hating women for a few that hurt you. That's their loss and if you know that you are a good catch, believe it and project it.

Good luck.

That was a very well written post, AutisticMalcontent. You seem like a well-rounded person, and I can easily relate to your situation (the post sounded like you were writing my biography).

Keep up the advice, people!

thank you!

Your situation as espoused by your post is virtually the same as mine, which naturally means that I have nothing to suggest, except that if you are impeding your own social mobility that might be an issue. Being online a lot because there's not much to do is one thing, at worst it's a sign that you're unaware of your opportunities (I still have to work on this a bit), being actively antisocial is another and will actually put people off being close to you as friends or whatever else. So if that doesn't apply then fine, but if it does then you need to work on that before looking for a girlfriend.

Hey AutisticMalcontent:

I like your Post, and I just wanted to say that you sound like a really great guy, and very intelligent. I wanted to send my support, and hang in there!

Unfortunately, I can´t really give you any advice because I am in a similar situation myself. I´m trying to develop strategies for my own love life, but it´s kind of hard when I hate meeting new people and talking to strangers. I do go to museums and the theater, even eat out sometimes after work, but it hasn´t helped. The cultured men don´t seem to approach me or even be interested in me, even though I am cultured. But the dirty, bummy guys out on the street do hit on me quite a bit...ugh.