not sure if i ever actually liked her

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A while back I posted a thread about a girl i liked, i'll try to summarize it quickly. I met her through rowing, she was my roommate's double partner (3/4 of this house is in rowing, i was in a double with the other one lol) and they became really good friends. we started hanging out together a lot, there was one week where she was over every day from monday till friday. we'd hang out, watch movies, chat, cuddle, etc. we almost hooked up that thursday but she stopped it saying she "didn't want to make things complicated with diane (my roommate)" but i'm sure that's not the reason. anyways after that she cancelled on our plans a few times, once she decided not to go to a party she invited me to (i didn't know anyone there so obviously i didn't go), she cancelled the next day because her friend was fighting with her boyfriend and needed to talk (understandable, but frustrating nonetheless), and later that week she remembered that she promised a friend she'd be somewhere for lunch and rescheduled our plans to that night where again we hung out and cuddled for 4+hrs.

when this started happening i asked my roommate if Lucy (the girl) had mentioned anything about me. she said "she likes you and really enjoys spending time with you but she's really confused right now" and earlier she had mentioned that Lucy was still hung up on her ex. a couple of weeks later i asked her over the phone if there was anything going on between us, she said she didn't know, we planned to talk about it, which got rescheduled again. anyways eventually she said she needs time, she just got out of a good relationship badly and her ex is still always at the back of her mind. later when i was talking to her on msn i asked for clarification and the conversation went a bit like this (paraphrasing a bit to remove irrelevant parts):

Luc says:
so when you said you need time, did you mean something might happen between us once you're over your ex or was i reading that wrong
Lucy. says:
i'm not sure about that....i do need time, but im not sure how long..i'm just finding it hard not being able to talk to him, but we're having dinner over xmas so we'll see how it goes
Luc says:
ok so i shouldn't hold my breath
Lucy. says:
To be on the safe side, no....I dont want to say something then have it change.

now i REALLY thought i liked this girl. i loved spending time with her, every time we hung out i was ecstatic, i'd be happy the rest of the day and the next day and i couldn't stop thinking about her for about a month straight, it's only within the last week or so that i've stopped obsessing. the whole time i'd see her flaws but i wouldn't care, she makes me happy so i don't really care. the thing is that i'm not sure if i liked her, or if i was just so lonely and this girl gave me an opportunity to not be lonely that it made me happy so i just forgot about everything that would normally turn me off a girl. i doubt she's the kind of girl for me, she's a bit of a head case, she's impulsive, doesn't really think things through, and i'm pretty sure those things would cause a problem eventually. that doesn't sound like much, lots of people will probably say "oh she's just a girl, lots of girls are like that" but i'm not talking about that, i've got two sisters, and i've known a lot of girls, this isn't typical girly stuff. it could be that she's dealing with emotional stuff about her ex, but still, i don't think this is the girl i'd marry.

i'd now say i'm mostly over her. most days i don't think about her, or don't think about her much, and last time i saw her (we went to our club's rowing banquet with my roommate) i didn't get the way i used to, although i may have been trying not to feel anything for her. so i'm not sure if i ever liked her, or if i was just lonely and she offered me a way out, and i don't think i have feelings for her now. that being said, if after christmas break she's got things figured out and wants to give us a shot, i'm pretty sure i'd go out with her. i don't really care that she's not really right for me, i'm just so damn lonely that i'll take anything right now. i've never had a girlfriend (it seems sex is easier to come by than a relationship) so even if this thing lasts two months and then ends horribly, at least i'll have some sort of relationship experience.

she's also very attractive and has a sexy english accent, so at the very least i'd have someone nice to look at beside me in bed if the relationship isn't good.

Infatuations can come and go.

i was a sculler for pretty much the entire season this year, i was thrown in two eights at the last minute, one was with another school lol, and the other was our annual mixed eight against our rival university in town (we row out of the same club, share equipment, coaches, etc. it's pretty much the same program but the names on our jerseys are different) but it was after a party and i was definitely still drunk. as far as i can remember those are the only two races where i was in a sweep boat this year.

as far as the girl goes, right now i'm pretty much completely indifferent to the whole situation. it's really surprised me how quickly i went from utterly infatuated to indifference, i think a lot of it had to do with the stress this situation put on me, so subconsciously i think i put more effort into getting rid of the infatuation.

You're refreshingly objective about the whole situation. Ain't nothing wrong with that.