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im lost and i want a girl

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RRguy
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07 Dec 2008, 6:18 pm

im 17 and i really want a girl. its all i can ever think about. i dont know how to talk to girls i know some of them think im a geek or a creeper(im not) for being so akward and im probably repulsive cause im a nerd. all my friends make fun of me for not having a girlfriend and being a virgin.i hate myself ive got no self esteem. ive got this feeling in my gut that ill always be this way till i die and be like the 40 year old virgin, but i hope not. i need adviceand opinions-thanks


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sinsboldly
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07 Dec 2008, 6:20 pm

It is not enough to 'want a girl', you have to want "that" girl.

Merle


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Tim_Tex
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07 Dec 2008, 6:21 pm

You have a very long way to go before you become the 40-year-old virgin. Just don't settle for just anyone, though. Look for someone you can connect with.


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Hector
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07 Dec 2008, 6:23 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
It is not enough to 'want a girl', you have to want "that" girl.

This is fairly ambiguous. If you mean that he's better off focusing his attention on one girl he likes rather than keeping open to a few, I disagree. I've wasted plenty of time pondering how to win the heart of particular girls who were probably never interested in me.



Last edited by Hector on 07 Dec 2008, 6:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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07 Dec 2008, 6:25 pm

The opinions of your so-called "friends" are unimportant. I would ditch them if I were you.



sinsboldly
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07 Dec 2008, 6:26 pm

Hector wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
It is not enough to 'want a girl', you have to want "that" girl.

This is fairly ambiguous. If you mean that he's better off focusing his attention on one girl he likes rather than keeping open to a few, I disagree. I've wasted plenty of time pondering how to win the heart with particular girls who were probably never interested in me.


oh, how flattering it will be to have someone want to be with me because I am of the correct gender! How personal it will make it when he is just glad he landed someone of the female persuasion. If there is any more special way to make it, I don't know what is. . .


Merle


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07 Dec 2008, 6:38 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
Hector wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
It is not enough to 'want a girl', you have to want "that" girl.

This is fairly ambiguous. If you mean that he's better off focusing his attention on one girl he likes rather than keeping open to a few, I disagree. I've wasted plenty of time pondering how to win the heart with particular girls who were probably never interested in me.


oh, how flattering it will be to have someone want to be with me because I am of the correct gender! How personal it will make it when he is just glad he landed someone of the female persuasion. If there is any more special way to make it, I don't know what is. . .


Merle


oh grow up merle! Hector is totally right , I also tried with one particular girl for years like a fool I was. That naive ideal...love ...was just a big waste of energy and time to me.



Hector
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07 Dec 2008, 6:38 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
Hector wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
It is not enough to 'want a girl', you have to want "that" girl.

This is fairly ambiguous. If you mean that he's better off focusing his attention on one girl he likes rather than keeping open to a few, I disagree. I've wasted plenty of time pondering how to win the heart with particular girls who were probably never interested in me.


oh, how flattering it will be to have someone want to be with me because I am of the correct gender! How personal it will make it when he is just glad he landed someone of the female persuasion. If there is any more special way to make it, I don't know what is. . .

He doesn't have to be open to every girl he meets, of course. He just should realise that unless he turns out to be Casanova the chances are that any one particular girl he likes the look of isn't going to like him back and/or may not be compatible with him.



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07 Dec 2008, 6:59 pm

What are you into? Hobbies, clubs, etc. Those are great outlets for finding like individuals.

Also I would suggest looking for girls like you. The quiet girls sitting by themselves at lunch might be the best ones to approach. This could also go horribly wrong though, I should note, but love is risk.


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Last edited by Kirska on 07 Dec 2008, 6:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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07 Dec 2008, 6:59 pm

Hector wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
It is not enough to 'want a girl', you have to want "that" girl.

This is fairly ambiguous. If you mean that he's better off focusing his attention on one girl he likes rather than keeping open to a few, I disagree. I've wasted plenty of time pondering how to win the heart of particular girls who were probably never interested in me.


I don't quite think that's what's meant, either. There's a difference between having some focus and just broadly hoping for a girl, in this case. A few girls of interest is one thing, but just wanting any pretty girl that comes along is quite another, I think.

To me, it sounds a bit obsessive. It's understandable to want to get into a relationship, but you have to ask yourself some questions. Why? What's the rush, where's the fire? Being open to wanting a relationship is different than wanting it so badly you're actually lamenting about it. Difficult as it may be, relax, let it come to you. I don't think anything good can come of such a heated desire when another person needs to be involved.

Learning who you want, and what you specifically look for in a girl, is a great start. In the meantime, there's much more to do in life; just live, learn and keep an eye out. That's the only advice I can give.



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07 Dec 2008, 7:02 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Hector wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
It is not enough to 'want a girl', you have to want "that" girl.

This is fairly ambiguous. If you mean that he's better off focusing his attention on one girl he likes rather than keeping open to a few, I disagree. I've wasted plenty of time pondering how to win the heart with particular girls who were probably never interested in me.


oh, how flattering it will be to have someone want to be with me because I am of the correct gender! How personal it will make it when he is just glad he landed someone of the female persuasion. If there is any more special way to make it, I don't know what is. . .


Merle


oh grow up merle! Hector is totally right , I also tried with one particular girl for years like a fool I was. That naive ideal...love ...was just a big waste of energy and time to me.


Just because of your one failure, the ideal is shattered, the possibility is lost, the concept foolish? Once. Would you be in a relationship where the only qualifying characteristic is that you're male? I wouldn't. She indicated that general and generic desire was not enough - that there he had to want 'that' girl, not the concept and idealization. It takes time to get past that process.


M.


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07 Dec 2008, 7:14 pm

makuranososhi wrote:
LePetitPrince wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Hector wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
It is not enough to 'want a girl', you have to want "that" girl.

This is fairly ambiguous. If you mean that he's better off focusing his attention on one girl he likes rather than keeping open to a few, I disagree. I've wasted plenty of time pondering how to win the heart with particular girls who were probably never interested in me.


oh, how flattering it will be to have someone want to be with me because I am of the correct gender! How personal it will make it when he is just glad he landed someone of the female persuasion. If there is any more special way to make it, I don't know what is. . .


Merle


oh grow up merle! Hector is totally right , I also tried with one particular girl for years like a fool I was. That naive ideal...love ...was just a big waste of energy and time to me.


Just because of your one failure, the ideal is shattered, the possibility is lost, the concept foolish? Once. Would you be in a relationship where the only qualifying characteristic is that you're male? I wouldn't. She indicated that general and generic desire was not enough - that there he had to want 'that' girl, not the concept and idealization. It takes time to get past that process.

I'm not sure about you, but as a teenager I tended to tell people I wanted a girlfriend when in truth I wanted someone in particular to be my girlfriend. Part of maturing involved acknowledging the possible interest or interesting qualities of women other than the one I liked.

In contrast I've known a few guys who when they were younger sought attention from whatever girls they could find, and in most cases eventually got it but may have disappointed these girls with their fickle interest. That's a different issue to the guy who focuses on his one crush above all else. Either of these attitudes is problematic in one way or another.



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07 Dec 2008, 7:15 pm

makuranososhi wrote:
LePetitPrince wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Hector wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
It is not enough to 'want a girl', you have to want "that" girl.

This is fairly ambiguous. If you mean that he's better off focusing his attention on one girl he likes rather than keeping open to a few, I disagree. I've wasted plenty of time pondering how to win the heart with particular girls who were probably never interested in me.


oh, how flattering it will be to have someone want to be with me because I am of the correct gender! How personal it will make it when he is just glad he landed someone of the female persuasion. If there is any more special way to make it, I don't know what is. . .


Merle


oh grow up merle! Hector is totally right , I also tried with one particular girl for years like a fool I was. That naive ideal...love ...was just a big waste of energy and time to me.


Just because of your one failure, the ideal is shattered, the possibility is lost, the concept foolish? Once. Would you be in a relationship where the only qualifying characteristic is that you're male? I wouldn't. She indicated that general and generic desire was not enough - that there he had to want 'that' girl, not the concept and idealization. It takes time to get past that process.


M.


oh please , you're the last person who has the right to criticize this post, you were supporter#1 of alex's shotgun approach. And it wasn't once ...it happened more than once.



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07 Dec 2008, 7:42 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
It is not enough to 'want a girl', you have to want "that" girl.

Merle


this i dont agree with because if he only goes out looking for one girl he might miss 100 women whom he might fall inlove with in the process.

i think one should date (i dont date, but i do meet women) a few women and take it from there, in every 5 women i meet i probably get a crush one 1 or so...and out of 100 women i could probably fall inlove with 10 of them...i dont mean to imply that i meet tons of women, but what i mean to imply is that the more women you meet, the greater the chance of meeting one you actually fall inlove with exists.

as nothing is worse then going for one girl at a time in long relationships and then ending up missing your potential "soul mate".

i might be naive though, but i still believe in a sort of similar notion of "soul mate", but i believe it is several out there, not just one...all you need to do is find one of them..



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07 Dec 2008, 7:52 pm

*sigh*
i kinda know how you feel... except there's a guy i like who never notices me...


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07 Dec 2008, 7:55 pm

Vulcan wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
It is not enough to 'want a girl', you have to want "that" girl.

Merle


this i dont agree with because if he only goes out looking for one girl he might miss 100 women whom he might fall inlove with in the process.


I agree with Vulcan. You don't have to fall in love at first sight.