How to communicate in AS Language

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Help!

My ex bf is a diagnosed Aspie and has recently broke up with me due to pressure from his family. They continue to treat him like he is a child even though he is a grown @ss man.

I miss him dearly and want him in my life, but every time I communicate this with him, he responds with technicality and doesn't address or acknowledge my feelings.

I'm wondering if there is a better way to say "I love you and want you in my life" to him or is this too much pressure????

any advice is appreciated.

If it's family pressure, try talking to the family if you can. Sometimes overprotective mothers of aspies will fear that some woman is trying to manipulate their AS son.

As for saying that you love him, the best way to say it is to, well, say it. Don't infuse too much emotion behind the words, but do mean what you're saying, i.e. be sincere, but not overwhelming... Put the entirety of what you're saying into the words, as if you were writing it, not speaking it, since any non-verbal cues will zip straight over his head and never be picked up...

I can't help you much further without more details, though...

Beating around the bush in any way would be futile. In case you hadn't noticed, us Aspies tend not to pick up on subtleties.

Thanks for the advice...

The family is not the issue for me, they have already met me and know that I am not a bad person, but feel that there son shouldn't date someone younger. I am 4 years older than him (30).

I have told him that I love him, but he says he can't promise me marriage... the thing is, I never asked him for marriage...

He started to talk to this girl online (9 years younger than him) but says she is not his type and that is the last time he goes for a girl online... I met him at work not online.

I just don't know what words to use to express how I feel without being too mushy or needy. I wrote him an email telling him I miss him a lot and that I want to be a part of his life, but he hasn't called me in weeks.

Just tell him "I love you and want you in my life" and elaborate some without beating around the bush.

Be honest and direct, and assume that anything and everything you say will be taken literally. Also assume that anything you do not say will not be known to him.

And be gentle with his ego.

30-26 is completely acceptable, even for an older woman...

The general unwritten rule is Y = O/2 + 7, where Y is the younger person's age, and O is the older person's age...
For more information, look at this xkcd comic...

ah
Then you better tell him that directly, since he's assuming things that aren't true...That's a classic case of an AS/NT misunderstanding...


Talking to a girl means nothing unless he considers himself in a relationship with the girl.


Do you ever get to see him in person? or is it just email only?

Have a read of my blog... particularly the sections on relationships

This link will show the relationships articles but since they're in date order - most recent at thet top - they might make more sense if you read the last ones first.

http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/search/label/Relationships

Good luck.

Whoa. He lives by himself, right? How do they treat him like a child?

I think after 18, we ought to make decisions for ourselves.

I've lived in this here apartment on my own since June '05.

Do you ever post without advertising your blog?

Yes, actually I do (but since it's in my footer... I guess not)

My aim was always to raise awareness/understanding of aspergers but if I've already written a few pages on a particular subject, I don't see the point in trying to type it all out again.

Often I discover that when answering a question here, I feel that I want to say more than will comfortably fit in a post. It gives me an idea for something good to write. Then of course, next time the question gets asked (and on WP the questions seem to go round and round constantly), I simply point to my detailed answer.

I still contribute quite a bit to WP and avoid one-line answers unless I'm feeling really tired.