To nonvirgin gays & st8s: STOP GLOATING ABOUT YOUR SEX L

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To sexually active Gays & Straights: STOP GLOATING ABOUT YOUR SEX LIVE!! !

(this is what I would have liked the subject line to be, had I had the space for it.)

While collecting links for my project, I found myself unfortunately exposed to all those threads I hoped to avoid containing sexually active aspies who love to gloat about their sex lives. It hurts especially when gays act like it is so easy to get laid or find a date.

What's your problem, anyways? Is it so hard to imagine that people on the spectrum might have trouble with relationships??? I have been told that I should forgive sexually active aspies for not being able to emphasize with us aspies who struggle with sex and relationship stuff, as these sexually active aspies have AS as well. But no. This is ridiculous. It is not an issue with empathy, but with cognitive dissonance and imagination. You realize some aspies have trouble, so you show them that you don't have trouble because it is super easy(!), and you expect them to feel better. Ridiculous. Delusional. Insulting.

I am tired of being looked down upon like a child by these people when I confront them. I am tired of their veiled insinuations that I am too ugly, too socially ret*d, or too lazy. They are free to insinuate that I must have a worse case of AS then them, but if I were to suggest that they might have a milder case, I get chewed out. I am tired of the suggestions that I have not made any attempts. Never ever am I even asked what have I tried. Getting real "help" from these people is like pulling teeth. They spend so much time gloating that when it comes time to actually give advice it is something lame like, "try okCupid!", or "just be yourself!" or "KINDNESS!" (wait, was that even advice?), blah blah blah. If you spent half as much time trying to actually figure out how to help other aspies as you spend gloating, then maybe you could do some good. Instead, you change this site from being a safe haven, to a den of despair.



Ugh, I am starting to get too close to real quote territory. With that comes identifiable information and links to posts, and I don't think that is allowed, so I will stop there.

I doubt even this is allowed. I imagine this will be deleted or locked fairly quickly. But at least it was mildly cathartic.

i agree and women if you're going to tell about all the men you porked at least tell us how big he was and if it was directly proportional to pleasure

The ones who gloat don't give "advice" because they empathize with our struggles and want to help us out... they simply do it to have their egos stroked. They like being looked up to as "love gurus."

This is an issue that's been raised with me before, so I do try to tone it down, and I think I at least do it less than I used to. But honestly, I do try and give advice to people, what's worked for me to try and help people out. And sometimes you have to point out that it's worked so that people will take the advice.

Am I missing something here?

I haven't heard many people gloat about their sex lives here on WP.

If they want to gloat about their sex lives that's their own damn business not yours.

I haven't had any action in so long but I'm not going let other people's love lives affect me in such a way that it's their fault. I also find it hypocritical of you to sit here and say how these feedbacks affect you when the feedbacks you've given in some threads have been pretty harsh and sarcastic also. Isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black?

Each to his own. No one's perfect not even YOU!

Anyway, sorry you feel that way but you can't rely on others to make you happy or do it for you. You have to do some of the work.

I'm not ashame to say that most of my problems stem from being very insecure and not doing much of the work by approaching. Of course everyone's going to get judged even NTs when it comes to dating or getting laid as you put it. You have to develop a thick skin about these kinds a things. I have to say that I wonder if aspies are more than the average of being thin skinned. I realize not having great social skills can get you down among other things. But blaming other people for your problems is a bit childish.

Maybe I'm coming off harsh but it might be something to think about before making such a quick judgement over other people. You've done some judging yourself....think about it.

then stay away from the adult forum...

bigger than you and yes.

I agree tbh... I think people are looking at peoples posts and taking them as a personal attacks against people not in relationships, when they aren't meant to be.

IMO there are variants of AS that are specific to women.

IMO there is a female AS phenotype that is not sexually deficit, and their hyperacuity is not a disability when it comes to certain activities. According to H. Asperger, "sexual precocity" is also a trait, even among males.

But, by all means, let's continue to marginalize female AS so that the world is dominated by all the male AS profiles.

As if imposing the male-AS profiles in every other way isn't enough, we have to act like we have the same sexual traits, too.

Why not just publish guidelines that all AS have penises? That's where you're going, isn't it?

I will stop giving "advice". But I have to comment that the stuff that most guys post here about how to get a girl and how to negotiate sex and other romantic skills, is like the lamest high-school locker-room folk wisdom guys can swap.

The best comments on here come from the females and they are doing you a big favor with their correct and on-point comments.

I will stop giving advice and making sexual comments, since some people find it difficult to hear about. I don't want to make anyone feel badly, and if people just tell me what they don't like, I do what they ask. It is better to stop getting upset and acting passive aggressive and just ask, and I will pull posts or do whatever people ask, to make them feel comfortable.

I was not "gloating". It is part of my AS to be hypersensual -- and part of my trauma to be so targeted for sex. Sensuality is multiplex -- I could talk about my cooking and theory of taste interests for hours if there was a cooking forum mobbed on here.

I don't need to have my "ego stroked" re: sex. I would much rather be on the Math forum, but I am trying to avoid things that are too important to me because I'm still too traumatized and am trying to go slowly. Sex is not as important to me as Math/Engineering is. Period.

It is not gloating to talk about being stalked and harassed. It is traumatizing to have people stalking, harassing you over sex when you have AS. You should not mock and attack the males who ask how to stop college girls from following them. That is insensitive.

Finally, it is unfortunate that you have such a lack of sexual function. Is it not better to express your issue in another way, so that people are aware of it, instead of demanding they silence themselves? Having expressed your frustration, it is easier to be more sensitive.

IMO the wrongplanet should have a LGBT forum if people want, and if that makes gay males feel more comfortable without the presence of sexually active AS females.

Last edited by ephemerella on 19 Dec 2008, 9:58 am, edited 3 times in total.

I wasn't even talking about female Aspies. More often than not, it's the male ones who do the "gloating."

I would be happy even to tell guys how to have sex. But I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I apologize if I was talking too hedonistically.

I'm not meant to be in a relationship, hence my username, so I just keep out of stuff like this.

Well thanks, but in my case, that would be like teaching FDR how to ride a bicycle. But I'm sure there are a few guys here who could find an "application" for your advice.

Sexual gloating topic

Sex and youth. Goes together like 2 parts hydrogen and 1 part oxygen!

Not! There are some people here who think the privacy of a sex life ought to be published like it was some sort of world news and necessity. Share the joy?

I always thought these sorts of activities were the privacy of consenting and active participatory adults. Is anyone interested in their virtual sex? I suppose this is the rationale for porn, something over which men have held a monopoly for thousands of years. Biggest sex organ is between the ears. Makes a lot of money, too.

To the OP: I have always known that the ones who brag about it the most are the ones who invent it the most. All talk and no action.

I agree as well.

And "just be yourself" is genuinely good advice. It might seem cliche but being up front, honest, and yourself when you're trying to start a serious relationship with someone is important.

Who else could I be other than "myself"? Johnny Carson? Alexander the Great? Christopher Columbus? It's BECAUSE Aspie guys tend to be "themselves" (as opposed to the media's stereotypical "charmer") that's the reason a lot of us are single.