Long distance relationship: Being open about it

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I'm in a long distance relationship which is getting more serious now (in a good way) and sometime I'd like to/have to tell my brother and parents. But despite knowing people both offline and online who are in long distance relationships that are further than ours, I still wonder if "my girlfriend lives near Glasglow" (300+ miles from me) will draw the same response as "I've brought a mail-order bride from Russia".

We're planning on meeting up in a few months, and (presuming our relationship is still going well by then) much more frequently after that, including staying over the holidays next christmas. But for some reason I still find it hard to speak proudly of it.

Last edited by SDFarsight on 18 Dec 2008, 1:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

good job just I know this sounds like I don't trust your girl just make sure ya meet in a public place and all that. Too many fall for that "I know them like the back of my hand" niche and forget common sense. Always have a back up plan (I've had 4 long distance relationships that was serious when I decided out here wasn't enough). It depends on the person my mother who also knows people who did long distance still classifies my long distance relationships as not real.

There is a certain stigma for some people about long distance relationships; if you haven't met in person yet, I would caution against speaking too strongly about relationship, but that there is someone that you've met that you are incredibly interested in, that she is interested in you, and that you're making plans to spend time together, that you make time to talk now - these are all good things, good to share. Congrats, and good luck!


M.

Meet her first, then tell them. That way you'll already know if it's worked out.

Thanks for the replys.

My main worry is being able to talk about it with family/friends. Personal security is the least of my worries, though I'll still be meeting her in a public place as that's the standard basic safety procaution you have to take even if you do feel like you trust them. Though we've talked over the phone, so at least she's not some guy.

It's going to be quite hard to hide it from them when I'm due to get a christmas card from her (and to her) and that I'm going to get the train and be gone for the weekend or more for apparently no reason. While I don't exactly want to shout it out at this stage, I don't want to have to hide it like somekind of dirty fetish either. I'm just not sure about it.

As someone who has been in a LDR before, my advice is to negotiate a time and place when the two of you can meet up, and just e-mail, IM, or call her when you are away.

The main issue I would have is the other person's unwillingness to negotiate.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 18 Dec 2008, 1:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

^ I've extended the subject title now. The relationship itself going very well so far.

Last edited by SDFarsight on 18 Dec 2008, 1:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If you never met her for real then you are only in love with the 'idea' you have about her and in the part of her personality that can be projected online but maybe not the real of her...you need to meet her.

Yes indeed, as I've said before, we've already made plans to meet. And speaking to her over the phone has made my idea of her less 'fabricated' in that way. Though ya its still very important to meet up in person. I'm just not sure what I'll say to my brother and parents when the time comes to book the train ticket.

You're adult , you don't need to tell them anything.

This is a tricky situation.. I was in a long distance relationship for several years but my family had always heard about him as being an online friend. When they heard that it had progressed to romantic, they weren't pleased.. but for other reasons than just the distance. But it made it much easier when I would book trips. They were pissed but at least they knew what was going on.

At the point that you are currently.. it will be hard to broach the subject. Perhaps the Christmas card will be a good way to introduce her to them. You can show them the card and be like "look at what my friend in Glasglow sent me!! " and then tell them a little about her. You might just have to brace yourself if seeing her is more important than pleasing your family because there's always the chance they might flip out? Don't know your family but I know I pretty much went through hell to be with my boyfriend (now husband).

I was in one for 5 years, then we got married and she moved here. My family was actually OK with it, they even met her and liked her and her family liked me too. As soon as the "m" word came down, my family was against it. Of course, my parents always got upset when one of my siblings got married. They became more upset with me for alot of reasons, but my then fiance' stood by me and we got married. It's been 7 1/2 years so far and doing OK, and I'm happier because of it. My parents and the rest of my family don't want much to do with me because of it, but that's just how it has to be. I have a right to happiness just like everyon else.

It can work out.

I can understand if my parents do ask why I'm going, considering that it's not like I normaly go that far at the drop of a hat. Yes I'm nearly 21 and I don't need to tell them anything; but either when the christmas card comes through the door or when I book the tickets, I don't want to lie to them as if its somekind of dirty fetish.

The bottom line is that either by my choice or by force of situation they'll probably find out about us before I actualy get to meet her, and I'm worried if it'll seem weird that its a LD relationship. There is a girl who is closer to me and who's interested in me, but it'll be pretty shallow of me to chose her or anyone else just because they're closer, especialy when my current relationship is getting more serious.

At least when I talked to a couple of friends at college about it, they have lovers LD and even further than my relationship. And I just happend to talk to them on the subject, it's not like its rare enough for them to be known for it.

While my parents aren’t ‘super strict conservative’ types, there is still the issue that they're not so used to the more sophisticated aspects of the internet and that I generally don't talk to them about relationships anyway. But it's good to hear that your relationship has worked out well.

My dad doesn't know the first thing about the internet, while my mum knows alot more but she might still be suprised at least for a minute. It's quite hard to predict how they others will react as I'm not used to LDR getting serious.

PrisonerSix: That's good to know too apart from how your parents reacted with the 'm' word. I hope their attitude isn't too stressfull for you. If my parents met my lover then I'm sure they'll be very welcoming and will support me all the way, it's just the innitial breaking to them that its a LD relationship that I worry about.

have u actually met this guy before.
yeah i was in one.
met the guy on holiday and we decided to date long distence.
it sucks.
if u did meet the guy before. ur whole relashionship before was in the 'honeymoon period'. and then it will turn sour.
But long distence really does 100 perecent suck.. no matter how strong u think the love is.. it sucks and usually dont work.
my expereince.
Anyway it migte work, but it is rare.
i was determined to make it work., but it didnt.
fair play to you

I do long-distance relationships because I don't connect with anyone locally. Specifically, I am looking for liberal female Aspies who like animated sitcoms, and there aren't any in the San Antonio-Austin area, so I have no choice but to travel.

But I am close enough to graduation to where I am not tied down to my current location much longer.

I've been in three online relationships but the best one I've had was with this guy from NJ and then he disspeared off the internet because he got too busy he said. Then he came back online but didn't go on IM or even answer my emails or PMs so I moved on and haven't had a online relationship since. I almost went into one with one of my other online friends who lives in Ohio but decided not to because he didn't even have a car or much money so there was little chance we'd ever meet. I would still like to meet him and play some video games and watch B&J together but he lives so far away. I tried to have him come out here to be my room mate if he ever moves out west and came up with this deal but then I met my bf and bam, it all changed. I said we can still do it but I think he said he doesn't want to because he doesn't want to come between me and my bf. We're still friends but I don't see him online as much because he has a life now and he goes to a bar and hangs out with real friends and tries to hook up with the police woman.