What's worked for you? Relationship advice

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In the past couple of days I've been reading like a madman to find advice for dating relationships that work. I just got out of a ten-month relationship just over a month ago now, and after a few talks I've noticed that a lot of my Aspie traits have created complications I simply did not notice. What I really want is to gather insight from everyone else's experiences in an AS/NT relationship so that I could be ready the next time around, and perhaps be ready for what I wouldn't otherwise see coming. For those of us who have ventured the seas of an AS/NT relationship (AS/AS welcome too), share what you learned and how you dealt with particular issues and situations. Actually I think this would make a great sticky.

I'll start...

1. Both inidviduals may feel they are pouring themselves in the relationship but the other doesn't seem to notice or care. However, it's about appearance on both sides; you (AS) have your idea of what the ideal partner should be doing, and he/she (the NT) has her own, and they're not the same. Both need to understand the signals and signs that the other gives off, and then each of you will see the beauty behind the other's way of doing things.

2. Because of social unawareness, it is very possible to hurt your NT partner without even realizing it, even if you had no such intentions. She may actually be surprised too to find that what he/she took as an offense and injury, you may have had no malicious intentions in doing, and perhaps you sincerely believed you were doing right.

3. You must accept the fact that people are going to view you differently, even your SO. Chances are that you are quite different from what she had initially expected, though I choose to take this as natural, and by no means does it mean she won't take you.

4. Your relationship will not be a normal one. It will have its unique problems, but that may also mean unique moments.

- Different people have different levels of knowledge about Asperger's. Don't get offended just because someone doesn't know about it, becuase I certainly didn't until I was diagnosed and I'm sure a lot of you didn't either. Answer their questions, help them research it, or explain it to them.
- Even if you do something because of Asperger's, that doesn't necessarily mean it's okay. You can learn to notice these things and instead of excusing yourself, apologise and you can move forward as a couple.

Good thread!

Never been in a relationship but I think this is important.

-Know what you are getting yourself into. A girl over the last summer was very attracted to me and was letting me know about it, however I instantly saw she was very emotionally needy and volatile. For example she would test you everyday in different ways to see if you loved her, because she was very insecure about it. I knew from the start that there was no way I was going to be able to provide that or weather her mood swings when I didn't pick up the cues so I stayed clear. At first she was very mad, but after a few months she called me and told me thank you for seeing what I couldn't.

Had I gone right into that relationship excited about it being the first one I think I would of been in trouble

Sometimes as good looking or as nice as a girl is there will be an incompatibility and its important to realize this and not let you down. However a lot of times minor incompatibilities can be worked through with good communication.

-Find an effective way to communicate. Most normal couples have trouble with this one, so you can only imagine how difficult it may be for an aspie/NT relationship. I've heard some good advice that leaving notes for each other in such relationships works wonders as it allows aspies time to write down their thoughts and needs.

-Understand that no relationship will ever be perfect and you'll have moments where you are going to get into arguments. Its going to happen so finding a healthy way to deal with your arguments so that your relationship can move forward is critical.

Bathe (shave, deoderise, et cetera)
Dress Well (Pressed slacks, matching socks, matching shoes, pressed button-down shirt - all clean!)
Smile (Often to always, and never look angry or raise your voice)
Listen (At least seem to be listening)
Nod Your Head (Politely, without looking like a bobble-head)
Chew with your mouth closed (Don't pick, scratch, fart, or make snorking noises with your nose, either!)
Pick Up the Check (Requires having money, good credit, and a job)

That about covers the Fnordic Method!