Does anyone else just not see the point in marriage?

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I think its stupid, it seems to me that - aside from religious beliefs - there is no point.

There is nothing to gain, and in fact it seems that marriage only makes things worse in a relationship usually.

It seems the only people who really benefit are the sellers of flowers etc. who make billions in profit each year.

It seems like its just a pointless artificial stage in a relationship, the only purpose of which is to make money for the marriage industry.

Whats your view? If you disagree, then state why.

I disagree... years ago, I might not have. I'm not religious, and neither is my fiance... there is not a religious motivation between us, we do not plan on having children, and we're not driven by financial factors. But we also recognize the power of commitment and the strength of symbolism, and know what we mean to each other after being intrinsically involved in each others life over the past eight years. We've talking about the wedding and costs, and remind ourselves that it is being wed to each other, not the wedding, that we truly care about.


M.

I'm sure they would be a alternate way of achieving this if marriage didnt exist though.

In many countries you save lots of taxes when you are married.
There are more benefits like that, for example in hospitals only relatives may be allowed to visit people (in some cases)
There are legal issues with legacies.
There is quite some financial and social security involved.

But most of this could be done based on a simple contract as well, if laws would allow it.

If it serves the same function, then what is the difference? It seems your issue is more with the term 'marriage' and it's position in religion, not it's purpose between the two people involved. A rose by any other name, as it were - it does not change the concept of commitment that is inherent.


M.

Disregard for marrage in our sociaty effects anyone who who wants more then a short relationship.

Have a read of this article.
http://relationships.blog-city.com/ther ... yone_2.htm

No, because you would be able to come up with a say to symbolise your relationship without signing a contract and going through the huge unessicary formality of a marriage.

I disagree, DLD. Whether you call it marriage, a binding ceremony, a wedding contract, a partnership, an act of commitment, a symbol of love - this is what we are pursuing. You can disparage it all you like because you don't like the terminology, but you presume much that signing a contract is the core of what some seek in marriage, and assume formality where no need exist. It is your own preconception that is precluding you from seeing any alternative, it seems.


M.

It just seems to me that a relationship can succeed and people can love eachother without wasting time with marriage or whatever other names people may want to give it - its not just the terminology, its the concept.

You've ignored the legal ramifications where there are clear benefits. Or are you not interested in those advantages - just ones pertaining to the relationship itself?

I mentioned before on another thread like this one that getting married creates a new "bottom" to the relationship. It means that you can't break up on a whim, you have to go through the legal process to get split up. I think it is reassuring to some people that their partner can't just walk out - they have to go through a more complicated process to end the relationship. You may not understand that feeling (or experience it) but some people in relationships do this kind of thing.

Well if someone in unhappy in a relationship they should be able to break up or thats when it gets screwed up and the "typical marriage problems" happen.

The relationship is there, and we choose to want to marry - while it may be a waste to you, I find it irksome that you would imply that it would be for others. We could remain as we are, and would not love each other any less... but -we- find the concept desirable, to have that commitment between us. Marriage is not requisite for a relationship succeeding, but that doesn't devalue the concept of marriage. If you don't want to get married - don't. It's that simple. But I've yet to see anything that argues against marriage for others.


M.

There is inherent risk in relationships; here it sounds a little like you want to avoid marriage to avoid the potential for future problems... and that is no way to go through life, scared of every possibility instead of working towards ideals. While I don't know that I would call it a 'bottom' to a relationship, as t0 has, it is a reminder that we make a commitment to each other and work through our differences, and not run away from problems as is often the easy escape. If you want an easy escape, don't get married and don't live in a state with common-law marriage laws on the books.


M.

All I'm doing is sharing my point of view, I dont mind if you dont agree.

*grin* Excellent - disagreement isn't a bad thing.


M.

I used to believe that too, as did my wife. We both used to say we'd never get married, but we are now and have been for 7 years. Neither of us are religious either. Too many years of Christian schools turned me off on religion, and the dictatorial and somewhat ludicrous doctrines of the Catholic church along with Catholic school turned her away from it as well.

Having someone who accepts me as I am, rough edges and all, allows me to have my interests and even supports me and cheers me on in them sometimes, is a good thing. Haveing someone whom you've not only committed to, but has committed to you too, is truly wonderful indeed. It's not something be taken lightly, and there's alot of adjustment, but for me, it has been worth it.

I do agree with the stuff about the wedding industry though. Many of them are outrageous with their prices, provide poor service, and I see alot of them get sued on People's Court. When my wife's parents put the wedding announcement in the paper, she got a bunch of calls from various providers of wedding services, including one who when she told her she wasn't interested, got mad at her! She also had a photographer who refused to give her a written contract and said he'd show up anyway and bill her for pictures. She had to threaten to have him arrested if he showed up.

And of course the families. Mine were interested at first but then decided they didn't approve of it for various reasons. A few of them still came, but didn't stay long, and my mother was a no show too.

In addition, my wife's family was furious that she wasn't going to get married in a Catholic church and said they wouldn't attend if it wasn't a Catholic wedding. She wanted nothing to do with the Catholic church and I as a non-Catholic, would have to jump through major hoops in order to get married in a Catholic church and even if I did jump through those hoops, the priest could still turn us down. She called their bluff and told them we were getting married in a non-denominational Community Church and if they didn't like it, they didn't have to attend. They attended and had a great time.

After all the nonsense we had to deal with, sometimes we wish we'd just gotten a couple of plane tickets and gone to Las Vegas for a quickie wedding. That's the best wedding advice i can give.