How to let older aspie know you fancy him?

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What is a good way to let an older aspie man know that you fancy him since he does not really get it through body language? I am about half him age and I really like him a lot.

Should I point blank tell him I want him to take me to bed? Or should I just jump him?

uh....that depends on how old he is and how young you are...
I'd be a little more subtle...older guys tend to be a little more conservative as far as who chases who (again, depending on the age). It's why Sadie Hawkins day only comes every 4 years.

Maybe you should arrange an outing with the potential for romance. Dinner, maybe a movie? or just some time in a park, jogging, whatever works.

Don't push too hard; if he actually isn't interested, you could get hurt, and that would be a shame.
Maybe ask his NT friends.

Yes. You might give him advance notice (like at the beginning of the date) so that he's mentally prepared for it.

What's you take on age-gap relationships where woman is a lot younger? Should SHE be the one to pursue him, especially if he has asperger's?

FYI, he is your age and I am 25.

If he is anything like me, he may be as blind as a bat to your interests but be just as interested as you are but afraid to show it.
take his hand and plant a nice kiss on him, then just blush and enjoy what comes next.
believe me he will appreciate it, just be sure to tell him to stop being so blind/shy when you do it.

There are a lot of options between subtle use of body language and saying, "Can I take you to bed?"

You could start by showing him that you enjoy his company in general. You can do this by asking him to do something that friends would do together, ideally based on one of his special interests, if possible. For example, if he's obsessed with marine biology, ask him if he'd like to go to the aquarium with you and tell you all he knows about the animals they have there, and point out that you could learn a lot that way. He'll probably feel more at ease when talking about his interests, and this might make him more comfortable around you.

Direct compliments are always a good way to show people you like them, as long as it's obviously genuine and not exaggerated. You could say something as general as, "The way your mind works is fascinating! I'm really impressed by your knowledge, and intrigued by the way you look at things," or something very specific that shows you notice and appreciate details about him.

There are also varying degrees of subtlety in flirtation. You could say something like, "You're such a gentleman - I bet you get a lot of attention from women," and if he says he doesn't, respond with, "I'm surprised to hear that. Maybe women these days don't know what to look for in a man." If he seems flustered, just divert the conversation into an intellectual discussion of sociology, and then connect that to one of his areas of interest / obsession if possible.

I've noticed that older men, especially those with AS, do not take well to sudden changes. It would probably be best to let things progress slowly, by gradually getting to know each other better. If taken by surprise, a lot of older AS-ish men will feel overwhelmed, confused, disoriented - their familiar routine has unexpectedly been disrupted. Some don't want their routine disrupted, even for sex or a relationship, so rejection should not be taken personally.

Just some thoughts off the top of my head, based on experience.

Sure, but just say it and walk away to let him digest it for a day or so.

I wouldn't recomend it, He'll need time to get used to the idea first.

You also have to consider that he may already be involved with other people. Aspies are sometimes quite secretive about their relationships so it may not be evident that he's seeing anybody. Also he could be gay or Bi. He could also dislike women in general or even be asexual, perhaps due to medication. Even NT men are pretty dense when it comes to subtle hints, flirting and body language.

I doubt that a man who is a workaholic, travels all the time, and has spontaneous orgasms when with me is involved with other people. The mere mention of sex can drive him to ejaculate in public!
His colleagues claim that they've never seen him in a relationship with anyone. There has been mention that he may be bi, but this is all speculation.......I have heard that he was involved with a girl a long time ago.
He is very secretive though, but I think he does this to hide the fact that he is not seeing anyone and wants to appear normal.

If he's having orgasm when he's near you I can't understand how your OP squares with the relationship it appears you're already having?
Also those spontaneous orgasms may not be to great once you get into the sack together.

We do have some sort of relationship already, but it does not seem to progress to a further stage because we are both anxious around each other. He is having SPONTANEOUS orgasms without sexual contact.



Because of PE?

Simple. Just ask him about East African postage stamps, or the evolution of flight in reptiles, or whatever other weird thing he happens to be interested in.

If you can manage to stay awake, he'll be in love with you.

Don't know if that would have the desired effect. Depends on the phrasing. Last time a woman asked me if I minded sharing her bed when I visited, because she didn't have a spare, I assumed she meant exactly what she said. In bed we talked, eventually fell asleep, and that was it.


So I guess he'll have an orgasm if you hold his hand or give him a very chaste peck on the cheek. Have you thought of asking then whether he would be willing to return the favour, as it seems a little unfair if all the orgasms go one way? That should be clear enough. If he stutters and goes red in the face, you can always back off a little, and suggest he thinks about it, and you would welcome him taking a more hands on approach next time you meet, or letting you do that.

If his spontaneous orgasms are obvious enough that he knows you noticed, he must have worked out that at least you value his company enough that you are not put off even if you didn't want to go to bed with him. But does he know you noticed? If I had spontaneous orgasms in a woman's presence, my greatest worries would be either offending or scaring the woman, and I'd hope I could hide what happened. If he doesn't know whether you noticed, he may still be worrying about your reaction.

Good idea. Yeah, he will orgasm even if I tell him I think he is beautiful!



You have a point here and I've thought about that before. He does seem embarassed by them. He had to run to the bathroom several times in order to clean up......I of course, pretend that nothing has happened. Maybe this is not the right approach? Should I just reassure him?

Maybe nothing did happen? I think this guy sounds a little strange, Are you being toyed with in this relationship? Stranger things have happened.

It is obvious that something IS happening to him because his entire body shakes and he breathes and sighs heavily. After the spontaneous orgasm, he sometimes yawns.

This may sound strange but when I first realized that I was attracted to him, I could barely sit next to him and speak to him because I was so nervous and turned on at the same time. I literally felt like vomiting due to nerves...... it does not happen to me now, but it did for the first three months of our get togethers.