Relationships and not being able to drive.

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I was simply wondering what everyone out there does if you or your significant other can't drive. I know I can't, because of AS and other things. I do not know quite what to say to the person I would like to date.

I guess that it is hard for me to ask someone to date, because I know that more than likely I would never be the gentleman pick up and drop off. I wanted to know what I should do.

I also would like to know how you would make yourself look handicapable instead of handicapped without revealing everything about your condition.

Thanks.

Well, it totally depends on your location. Lots of people in urban areas don't drive. There's no need to pick someone up; you can just meet at wherever you're going. Anyone worth dating isn't going to care if you drive or not. I think there are plenty of good reasons not to have a car. You don't have to say it's because of AS. If someone asks, you can just say it's not worth the hassle and expense to keep a car right now.

can't say I don't drive cause I can't afford insurance. As I'm also paying off alot of debts since I moved. She seems fine with it though usually I help out with gas of course.

You should learn to drive. Sorry, I don't see any other option.

Starting out, I would just suggest meeting someplace as someone above said.

I guess if you had to explain it I would imagine you could just leave it at either you haven't been able to maintain a car, or "I'm just a horrible driver and am doing everyone a favor by not driving."

Overall I would plan your dates around NOT driving. Also, is there anyplace within walking distance to your home that's a good date spot? That's a good excuse to not drive... to just say you felt like taking a little walk.

I don't drive, and it has not too terribly adversely affected my relationships. Most people who have dated me sorta understood what they were getting into. I recall only one person holding it against me.
I ride a bike, and I spend alot of time with a guy who knows how to drive, but
but does not own a car and rides his bike everywhere.
We go out places on our bikes and it is fun.

I used to not drive out of fear and had no problem dating....

now I do drive and I've fallen in love with the most awesome women ever (yes - more awesome than all the women on here)

http://www.aspieweb.net/aspergers-and-love-help/

I often have told people that my parents won't allow it, but that nearly always backfires (as the person usually gets started on the whole righteous indignation thing).

I've dated people who don't drive. At first I don't mind, but after a while it gets kind of annoying always having to be the one who picks them up and drives places, especially since they never offer to chip in any gas money. It's one thing if they can't afford a car yet, but most of the time it's because they were just too lazy to get a driver's license. I mean, if I can get a license (and it took me four tries), everyone should be able to.
My boyfriend and I have a good system for deciding who drives. If we're going somewhere in the county he lives in (where he knows his way around better) I drive to his house and he drives the rest of the day (which is most days), and if we are going somewhere in either of the counties that I know better, he drives to my house and I drive (there's not much to do here, so it's not that often).
Someday I'd like to move to the city were I won't need a car. But around here, you have to drive 20 minutes to an hour to get anywhere that's not overrun with cows and emptiness.

Oh God! this thread strikes a nerve. I went to a suburban high school, where a guy absolutely had to have a car before he could even think about having a date, let alone a girlfriend. I didn't have a car. That, compounded with my bad looks and poor social skills, kept me dateless. Toward end of my senior year, I guess I became more NT-like, because people started to respect me more, and bullying subsided to a minimum. By that point, I felt confident enough to ask girls on dates. One girl seemed to show interest in me, so I asked her. When I told her that I'd come by her house in a taxi, she asked why. So I told her I didn't have a car. (Honestly, I had no problem with going on a date in a city bus, but I knew she's laugh at me if I mentioned it.) At that point, she did a complete 180, and started to hem and haw. Finally, she said she was busy, including during the time I made a counteroffer. She still talked to me in school, but my chances with her were obliterated.

So fast-forward to freshman year in college. I was going to college in the city, where a car wasn't a prerequisite to a relationship. One girl in my class seemed to show interest in me. I wasn't remotely attracted to her, but being young and desperate, I asked her on a date. This time, I specifically told her I didn't have a car, and she actually said "we'll go in a bus, then". A few days later, I went on a date with her. The date went fairly well, although I was really nervous. On a second date to a more romantic place, I tried to kiss her, but she turned her head. I then realized that she didn't like me. That shocked me a lot. After all, she said the car wasn't an issue, and I did everything right (at least I thought I did). Since she was in my class, I didn't have much of a choice but to at least say hi to her.

You're right about offering the gas money but .....have you ever heard of a girl offering gas payment to her boyfriend? Or ...have you even heard of a boyfriend who accepts gas money from his gf?




The issue is more complicated than that , the first thing the girl would usually ask to her date is :"when you gonna pick me up?". It's a very awkward situation that a "carless" guy has to deal with it.

And very few people would understand why he can't drive but that doesn't mean they're not worth, they just can't accept such a basic requirement.....

ok, every woman I have dated (not many) weren't able to drive, and I'm not able to drive (at time of posting), it hasn't hampered relationships at all

it's always been other things that caused issues in the relationships, NEVER driving ability (or lack of it)

Most women love a man with a car. Not because they want picking up and dropping off everywhere (though they like that too), but because it's an indication of disposable cash. They then try and work out how to get the man to spend the cash on them instead.

Get the bus? Cadge a ride from relatives/friends who do drive? I can't drive due to my sight but I would have no hesitation telling my new partner this as part of the deal.

I didn't need a car for that.... *tries to forget that 3 years of his life best he can*

I live in the city. Don't dive even though I have got a licence. Driving is not enjoyable to me, I rather not do it. I'd rather not live in one of those clone suburbs that are all driveways, and cul-de-sacs, totally cut off from everything appealing. No thanks, I'd be better off in the country.

I have no problem, if I take lots of rides, to chip in.

I seem to remember being used to rides by someone.