pondering my bizarre existence

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Hmm... there are so many contradictory elements in my personality, I often find myself completely paralyzed and unable to express or do anything. That really is hell. Love is a far-off thing of fantasy. I hate talking to people, I can never express what I really feel. Stuck in this vacuum, even these words completely fail to convey how I actually feel.

Here, love is dead. But I am alive, and fully aware that it has died. I sit and think about it. I guess I like to torture myself.

I know, I'm a real turn-off.

I don't think you're a turn-off. I think you just feel the way most of us do or have from time to time. It will pass. We just go through phases like that.

Speak for yourself, I've felt pretty close to that just about every other day for the past 4 years..
Ah well, nothing for it but to try to find something to do to keep your mind off of it i guess..

Thanks for the responses. aka010101, I feel your pain. Looks like we're the same age, too. It's a strange world to grow up in.

Yeah, sometimes I wonder about this as well. Lately I have been quite a lot. Why does everything have to suck so much? How do other people find happiness so easily it seems and yet everything for me sucks?

I hear you. People like us just seem to think differently. I don't think like a human being. Human life is just a complete let-down.

I am a walking paradox.

I'm going through a similar phase right now. It sucks, but I know it will pass. What to do in the meantime?

eat chocolate- drink Gin!

well my classmate was volunteering in Thailand and accidentally found a woman with a daughter who he now calls his "significant other." a lot of women will accommodate your deficiencies for the sake of a family and a marriage. i might do some global volunteering when i get on my feet financially - you can travel with me if you are interested. it only costs $100 to live in Thailand in a hotel and you get all your laundry done and so on. if you go with me you'd learn to give vaccine shots and sutures and taking blood pressures and also play little orphans in the orphanage. i am not into asian women in general, so for me travel is about breaking negative thinking patterns and relieving loneliness. jeff

i have similar experiences sporadically because i am a highly articualte person and when i cannot express myself it tears me up inside....i am morose and act strange...i have a similar excuse when it comes to volunteering working or friendships i have to many varaitons in my personality ,etc..
you should at least give it a go before giving up entirely

Steak, Whisky, same difference.