how terrible is breaking up through email, really?

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em_06
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30 Dec 2008, 11:50 pm

I would say about as terrible as breaking up through instant messaging! That is what my first boyfriend did and although we are now good friends, it still hurt me a lot and made me wonder why he couldn't just call me; he couldn't tell me face-to-face because it was over summer vacation and lives 8 hours away from me. If the relationship is long distance than I would say a phone call might me more polite, although they might be really upset over this news and you would be listening to them cry, which may or may not be uncomfortable or make you feel badly about it. If they live close then I would probably do it face-to-face because to me it shows that you are able to be strong and face whatever happens afterwards. It also shows that you would still care enough to be there for them as a friend if they need something or are going through a rough time. Hope this helps!



j5689
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31 Dec 2008, 12:19 pm

It seems kind of ridiculous but it's not NEARLY as bad as breaking up through a text message.

The text message breakup has got to be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard of. People put WAY too much on texting. I'm glad my texts are disabled.



PhR33kY
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01 Jan 2009, 1:24 pm

It's definatly frowned upon, but if you're having difficulty telling him otherwise, then go for it.


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alex
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01 Jan 2009, 1:54 pm

in bad taste.



makuranososhi
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04 Jan 2009, 3:00 pm

KenM wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
Ken, now you're getting close to hijacking a thread because of your personal differences. You two need to bicker, take it privately or knock off - but it isn't appropriate to start it careening through the forum.


M.


I am? Gee I never knew that. I have AS and don't know about all these "little social things" :wink:


*chuckle* Now we're seeing a sense of humor. Much better.


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04 Jan 2009, 8:50 pm

patternist wrote:
Is it really that despicable to break up with someone over email?

I say this, because, the last 3 times I've talked to someone on the phone (long distance relationship) I've intended to do it, and couldn't.

But it has to be done.

And it has to be done before this pending visit (friday), or I'll have to explain it to him when he's 3000 miles away from home. Or have sex with him again. Both are pretty unsavory thoughts.


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Breaking up with someone via eMail or txtmsg is pretty pathetic if you ask me. I think you should call him and talk it over with him. It can be VERY distressing to receive a breakup txtmsg/email because one feels the need to talk it over to "smooth things out" so it would be a lot more considerate to him if you call him on the phone and explain things to him.


patternist wrote:
Actually hearing the words doesn't make it any better than reading them.
:?

Trust me patternist, nothing could be further from the truth



techstepgenr8tion
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04 Jan 2009, 9:14 pm

The only reason I'll be the devil's advocate here; if you really like and respect the person, want them to understand that its not something your holding against them, and you need to give them a nuanced response that you know you'd never be able to spit out IRL; if its a nice long email and even saying to call me later in the week - I think that would be understandable.

If you just said "We're through" or if it was something that could have very easily spit out IRL; that's a different story all together at which point I agree - its not the thing to do.



techstepgenr8tion
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04 Jan 2009, 9:17 pm

j5689 wrote:
It seems kind of ridiculous but it's not NEARLY as bad as breaking up through a text message.


John Mayor to Jennifer Aniston. I heard Laura Ingraham talking about it and yeah, its pitiful. You'd really hope Hollywood had enough integrity to snicker at him for a least a few months after that.



raggle-taggle-gypsy
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04 Jan 2009, 9:51 pm

I broke up with a long distance love over the phone, and we exchanged emails afterwards. I was in Kenya for a few months and she was back home. It was a horrible way to end things and if I still have to repress the urge to regret it.

It's a horrible way to leave someone - most of all, someone you've loved. If you do it face to face, you'll feel better in the long run. If not, then there's little else you can do about it. Just don't expect him to feel anything less than s**t


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05 Jan 2009, 1:32 am

Dumping someone through e-mail or text message just shows what a wimp you really are.



JohnHopkins
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05 Jan 2009, 12:12 pm

raggle-taggle-gypsy wrote:
I broke up with a long distance love over the phone, and we exchanged emails afterwards. I was in Kenya for a few months and she was back home. It was a horrible way to end things and if I still have to repress the urge to regret it.

It's a horrible way to leave someone - most of all, someone you've loved. If you do it face to face, you'll feel better in the long run. If not, then there's little else you can do about it. Just don't expect him to feel anything less than sh**


Long distance is different. Unless you made the effort to go and see them and break up with them, but even that's a bit harsh becuase you build their hopes all the way up only to dash them.



ooohprettycolors
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18 Jan 2009, 1:20 pm

In a mutual relationship, it is best to break up face-to-face, or, if long-distance, on the phone. The exception to this is if the relationship was in any way abusive and you are afraid for your safety. In this case, break up in any way that will get you (and your possessions, if you lived together) out, SAFE. In your case, I would say that by phone is the best. If you absolutely cannot get the words out by phone, it may actually be kinder to email, so you can take the time to say what you want in a kind way, and then offer the person the opportunity to call you at any time to discuss things. This makes you open to communication, but makes sure you say what you really mean instead of clamming up. It also allows the other person time to digest their feelings in private, before talking to you. Still, if you can manage, most people would agree that breaking up via some sort of mutual conversation is better than reading a one-sided letter. I don't think it would be right for your partner to travel many miles to see you just to be broken up with. Good luck.



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18 Jan 2009, 3:34 pm

Breaking up is breaking up, regardless of the medium used.



Kirska
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18 Jan 2009, 4:25 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Breaking up is breaking up, regardless of the medium used.

The medium has a great effect on the end result. Something that potentially has such a huge effect on someone should be done with a certain amount of care and concern.


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18 Jan 2009, 7:18 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Breaking up is breaking up, regardless of the medium used.


Tim, that's just flat out not true. Unless you seek to alienate the person for life/don't care how they feel.