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How to stop thinking about love? At least for a little while

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Veresae
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15 Jan 2009, 8:55 pm

I'm very obsessed with the notion of finding love, but it's getting to the point where I really just...don't want to think about it. People always say to just stop searching for love, and it'll find you, so to speak.

Well, how DO you stop searching? I mean, even when I'm not trying, if I walk into a classroom full of fellow college students, then I find myself thinking, "OK, so who in here is hot? Who looks interesting? Who might I have things in common with?" Or when I go to a concert, or go clubbing, or any place really where I'm likely to see a lot of girls my age. It's something I have trouble turning off.

Does anyone know a way I can stop thinking about it, and stop searching, and stop feeling such an intense constant yearning?



ASS-P
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15 Jan 2009, 9:01 pm

...I don't think I've ever had any true romantic love :cry: :oops: :( . Ever .



Cyberman
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15 Jan 2009, 10:17 pm

Veresae wrote:
I'm very obsessed with the notion of finding love, but it's getting to the point where I really just...don't want to think about it. People always say to just stop searching for love, and it'll find you, so to speak.

Yeah, I've always thought that was an odd statement. As long as you desire it, you're going to be searching for it on some level.

But I think it's BS when people say that "it will find you when you stop looking"... they actually mean "quit whining and accept being alone."



Cyberman
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15 Jan 2009, 10:29 pm

Hmm... I don't know how well this works, but maybe stop looking at people as potential lovers and instead see them as potential enemies. I've found it helpful to remember that most relationships end up being awful anyway. If you concentrate on thinking this way, it helps alleviate the feeling like you're "missing out" on something.



Veresae
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15 Jan 2009, 10:35 pm

lol, I don't want to see people as potential enemies. I hate having enemies and I have plenty enough already.



yesplease
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15 Jan 2009, 10:36 pm

Find something more interesting to do.



Veresae
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15 Jan 2009, 10:45 pm

yesplease wrote:
Find something more interesting to do.


I've got plenty of things to keep me busy, but my desire is so intense that my focus on these things is interrupted by sudden blasts of yearning--sometimes romantic, sometimes sexual. That's part of why I want to stop thinking about it, so that I can focus better on my work. It's not unbearbly disruptive, but it's something I'd rather be distracted FROM, not distracted BY.



Cyberman
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15 Jan 2009, 10:45 pm

I'm not saying to "make enemies" but view them as "potential enemies if you ever got into a relationship with them." So that romantic involvement will seem more disgusting than desirable.



ford_prefects_kid
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15 Jan 2009, 10:53 pm

Veresae wrote:
yesplease wrote:
Find something more interesting to do.


I've got plenty of things to keep me busy, but my desire is so intense that my focus on these things is interrupted by sudden blasts of yearning--sometimes romantic, sometimes sexual. That's part of why I want to stop thinking about it, so that I can focus better on my work. It's not unbearbly disruptive, but it's something I'd rather be distracted FROM, not distracted BY.


It's normal. I made a year-long commitment to being single a couple years back, and I would still notice guys and had a couple brief infatuations with ones I seemed compatible with. For me, the trick was knowing that I had put myself wherever I was to concentrate on myself and my projects/activities. That, and not expecting anything to happen between us. So if things didn't line up for me and my temporary object of affection, I'd enjoy the fleeting, positive feelings of having a crush and continue my collaboration with the guy in question without feeling crushed myself.



yesplease
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15 Jan 2009, 11:12 pm

Veresae wrote:
yesplease wrote:
Find something more interesting to do.
I've got plenty of things to keep me busy, but my desire is so intense that my focus on these things is interrupted by sudden blasts of yearning--sometimes romantic, sometimes sexual. That's part of why I want to stop thinking about it, so that I can focus better on my work. It's not unbearbly disruptive, but it's something I'd rather be distracted FROM, not distracted BY.
There's an ocean between keeping busy and doing something interesting IMO. If all I'm doing is keeping busy then I too get distracted by many things including certain members of the opposite sex, but if I'm really interested in something then I tend to be pretty oblivious to stuff. Finding other interests that are viable at whatever time is the tricky part.



PhillipJFry
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16 Jan 2009, 3:52 am

Veresae wrote:
I'm very obsessed with the notion of finding love, but it's getting to the point where I really just...don't want to think about it. People always say to just stop searching for love, and it'll find you, so to speak.

Well, how DO you stop searching? I mean, even when I'm not trying, if I walk into a classroom full of fellow college students, then I find myself thinking, "OK, so who in here is hot? Who looks interesting? Who might I have things in common with?" Or when I go to a concert, or go clubbing, or any place really where I'm likely to see a lot of girls my age. It's something I have trouble turning off.

Does anyone know a way I can stop thinking about it, and stop searching, and stop feeling such an intense constant yearning?


I know how you feel! I try not to think about my social stature and just get on with life. But when I'm out and about and I see young girls walking past, I can't help but wish I was attached to them. I wish I could answer your question.



TXaspie
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16 Jan 2009, 4:29 am

The key to keeping desire under control is an LSD trip.

Take LSD by yourself in nature.

Once you see the vision of life with unconditional love and without desires, you'll see how much an illusion desire really is.

Then you'll have a more tame mind, remember it's all an illusion!



anna-banana
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16 Jan 2009, 5:26 am

TXaspie wrote:
The key to keeping desire under control is an LSD trip.



:lmao: maybe they should start giving LSD to convicted sex offenders then? LOL


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benjimanbreeg
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16 Jan 2009, 11:28 am

Cyberman wrote:
Veresae wrote:
I'm very obsessed with the notion of finding love, but it's getting to the point where I really just...don't want to think about it. People always say to just stop searching for love, and it'll find you, so to speak.

Yeah, I've always thought that was an odd statement. As long as you desire it, you're going to be searching for it on some level.

But I think it's BS when people say that "it will find you when you stop looking"... they actually mean "quit whining and accept being alone."


Lol, no. Girls can see through any desperation, they don't like it. And feeling sorry for yourself and being negative will never get you anywhere. It means, however hard it is, try and take your mind off finding someone, and get on with your life. Get out and do new things, meet new people, and its always a possibility.



Cyberman
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16 Jan 2009, 12:29 pm

Perhaps it would be more accurate to say "you can't find love until you love yourself." You'll be happy and no longer worried about getting love from others. Unlikely scenario, but it makes sense.



benjimanbreeg
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16 Jan 2009, 12:53 pm

Possibly yes. Well maybe just try and concentrate on yourself, if your in that situation. I think a good thing is to go to places where you can meet people with similar interests etc