increasingly clingy?

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Anyone ever have a problem with this? I find that the longer I go out with someone and the more attached I get, the more I want to hear from them. It's happened to both my relationships so far...

Initially, I only need to hear from them about once a day (a text or something), but after 3-4 months, I get paranoid and wish they'd call or that I could call them (I usually don't because I don't want to seem clingy).

I think it may come on mainly when I'm stressed/ depressed/ bored (most of this year to be honest: my course is pretty tough and I don't enjoy it), and also may have to do with me becoming emotionally attached and therefore vunerable to them (I don't have many friends, and those I do, I don't place any emotional reliance on, so they can't hurt me)

The thing is, when I am happy by myself, I wonder if I should break it off whilst I still can (i.e. before it becomes too painful, even though it is already).

The last guy I went out with was very distant: my new bf is not as much, but I find it hard to trust him... it's like a flip-side of being really gullible around people: once they're gone, I question all their motives...

Anyone else get extremely paranoid in relationships? How do you get around it?

Thanks

I thought the whole point of forming a relationship with someone was to become "attached" to them. But nowadays, people call that "clingy"??

Sometimes, I do not understand you humans at all...

Yeah, but I don't like feeling like I'm losing control... That's what attachement feels like to me...

In an ideal relationship, I'd be able to switch off when I don't see them, enjoy their company when I do, care enough to be kind to them , but not enough that I'd be heartbroken if they left or hurt me... it starts off like that, but gradually, I base my happiness more and more on hearing from them.

Someone once gave me advice about not 'losing yourself' in relationships: I definitely did in my first (always worrying if he still liked me/why he didn't text etc...) and I'm feeling myself slipping in this one too..

That doesn't sound like an "ideal" relationship to me... that sounds more like a casual friendship. What's the point of having a relationship with a person who you wouldn't care if you never saw them again?

I suppose because at some stage it's very likely that you are never going to see them again... I don't think I explained myself very well; I'm actually terrifed of never seeing them again (luckily my ex and I are still friends) and my current bf has said that he wouldn't want to be friends if we broke up (which is hard because we were friends for a year beforehand). He's kinda pessimistic too, which means that the whole relationship feels kind of futile...

saying that one doesnt wanna be friends after a relationship ends, is something ive done myself. in my experience this was more like an more-or-less unconcious threat "if we break up, thats gonna be the end of it" sortof, but in my case that wasnt true.

mine wasnt "real" tho, in that it was entirely long-distance based, but i recognize - especially w the distance - all the insecurity. in my case, it turned out my worries were warranted as well, which hurts even more, cus one try to be trusting, and convince oneself its just paranoia, and then wham all in my face

i would tell you to see if you can "control your clingyness", if it helps make your relationship better. in my case, i was the clingy guy, which i believe is... rare. however, in my case, as i said, it all turned out to be crap, the less clingy i tried to be, the less she cared. ive later been told, repeatedly, in attempts to comfort me, that shes a total b***h
and i still wanna be friends. im not desperate for it tho, i originally blocked her from everything except my phone, cus i didnt know how. she begun calling me up, and now we sortof chat online now and then, but thats all. if we didnt talk, i wouldnt miss her all that much, a little bit yes, but not a lot. things pass.

/5-cents