Flirting and Dating... Help!

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pinkbowtiepumps
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18 Feb 2009, 11:56 am

So I'm 20, and I'm finally realizing I really don't know how to play the flirting/dating game correctly. I used to just let guys come to me, due to my shyness, but as a result they would all either be brazenly outspoken, bordering on sleaziness and stopping at nothing to get what they want, or really childish (i.e. asking me to be his girlfriend when we were in high school... really.)

I've just never experienced a situation where my flirting back has paid off. I've been reading up on body language that signifies flirting, like eye contact, physical contact, the way jokes are made... it's all completely foreign to me. And now that there's a decent guy around that I'm actually interested in, I'm afraid I'm going to do something wrong that will scare him away. I tend to do this sometimes - say the wrong thing or send off the wrong signals - giving the wrong message entirely. I'm pretty sure he likes me too, but the thing is, we've both very shy, so I'm going to have to work extra hard to see if anything will happen.

Basically, I don't know how to step my actions in the right direction towards a (hopeful) relationship, of any sorts.

At the same time, I'm afraid of sounding desperate and too eager, but I don't know what constitutes appearing too eager...

For those of you reading this, have you learned how to flirt with others? If so, how did you learn these skills, and are there any rules you could pass off that would help me?

Thanks a ton :)


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Anyu
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18 Feb 2009, 2:53 pm

I know next to nothing about flirting and such, but I like to think that you can still get by without being proficient at such skills. If this guy you are interested in is already your friend, just ask him out. If you're not already good friends, see if he wants to hang out with you more. This is easier if you have mutual friends that you could all hang out with together. If you are both shy, just take everything slow. Be friends for a while, try not to push things too hard.

Hope that can help you a little bit, and hopefully you get some more advice. Good luck!



EnglishLulu
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20 Feb 2009, 7:42 pm

Practise makes perfect!

You might chat to the guy and try to flirt and make a horrible mess of it and turn him off. Or then again, he might recognise the signals and sense that you're attracted to him and you can develop your acquaintance/friendship into the first stages of a relationship.

If he doesn't respond to your flirting, or if you get the sense that the feeling's not mutual, then that's okay, you've practised a bit, maybe next time it will come a bit more easily.

If you do get to the first stages of a relationship, then you need to do more flirting and show your interest to maintain a spark and some chemistry, and maybe that might go right or it might go wrong, but if it doesn't work out with him, again, you practised a bit, so next time it won't be so daunting.

You're still very young, practise a lot, try to chat and make small talk.

One of the best things I did at around that age was to get a job in a bar. Simple jobs like bar jobs or waitressing give you an excuse to talk to complete strangers and you get used to it. If you're painfully shy, I really recommend doing something like this so that you can meet new people, but it's not like meeting strangers in a bar on a night out, or meeting strangers at a party, they're not strangers, they're customers, you have a reason to communicate with them, take their orders, answer their questions, serve their drinks and food, check they're satisfied and whether they need anything else, take their money, give them their change. At first I used to be really shy and nervous, but I used to 'act' confident. I used to approach my job like playing a role. Out of work, I was still quite shy, but I would put on my uniform and adopt a persona of a friendly barmaid or waitress who smiled at customers, made small talk with them, about the weather, about the food or drinks, the music playing on the juke box, their day at work. Observe, learn from the bar and restaurant managers and more experienced colleagues, listen to watch they say to customers and each other, join in some of the conversations.