Crion87 wrote:
Yes, I know I can be a rotten jerk. Half of it is just Asperger's, half of it is other things that are actually negative.
There was a girlfriend that cared about me, but I was toward a certain point a major jerk, though in fact I did have feelings for her. I stupidly allowed myself to get tempted by another. And, well...you get the picture. Things got confused even after I broke up with the other woman, and I felt bad both at being tempted and cheating, and eventually having rejected both people.
But, recently, after feeling I had missed the first girlfriend strongly (and not just for the potential of sex but also our conversations and such), I emailed her a heartfelt apology, expecting her to say "f*** off".
However, she didn't. She stated she still had feelings for me. She may be mentally ill, but I don't feel it's her illness talking, as she was never like that when we knew each other in person (we never went all the way, thanks to the interfering seductress of me who stole my virginity), but I no longer care.
I now realise my grievous errors (well, as much as I can). This is because I get the intuition that she actually does love me (and I know not many of you would actually believe in personal intuition, but I do, so there), and it's not just her illness. In all honesty, I love her, and I wish that none of this BS ever happened, but I guess I had to learn the hard way, because I am a major fool in this thing.
I hope to restart at least a friendship with that first girlfriend I nearly was with, I don't expect anything more at this stage (geographical distance - she is in Leongatha, I am usually in Traralgon - meaning I don't get to see her often as the direct train route leads through a dangerous station in the train line) but it would be very nice.
I know you guys are going to attack me because of this, but I am ashamed deeply of having submitted to another, no matter how "good" that was. I endeavour to either keep it a friendship, or if it moves onto something more, make a concerted effort to remain monogamous and resist temptations from others.
Thank you for reading this.
good luck with that... i am skeptical based on experience. hasn't worked out for me.
21 Feb 2009, 2:14 pm
