Decided to become asexual, what are your thoughts?

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You know, I'm 22 years old now and I have tried in vain to be in a relationship for quite some time. I know what you're probably thinking, "why is this guy deciding to become asexual, especially at 22, when he has his full life ahead of him?" Well the reason why is because I've had enough rejection as it is to sour my view of "romantic love"

In total, I've been rejected 10-12 times through elementary, middle, and high school. I was rejected by girls whom I thought were beautiful, but were in fact, cold hearted b*****s, and I was rejected by girls who were my friends and whom I did expect their rejection.

After high school and into college, I've joined numerous dating sites in a fleeting effort to find romance. Every time I have been rejected and ignored, even when I was trying to be friendly and kind and I wasn't trying to start things romantically. I'd say things like "Hi, you seem pretty cool, want to chat?" and every time my emails were read and deleted, not even the courtesy of a response.

So you know what? I've had enough of it all, enough wasting my time chasing after shadows that aren't even there. I'm done wasting my time going after girls I find attractive because almost all of them are hypocritical liars, claiming they want "nice, genuine guys" and end up ignoring a guy who is nice and kind. They have rejected me, so I will reject them, they have never given me the time of day, I will not give them the time of day.

Yes, I know what most of you are going to say "Not all girls are the same". There is some truth to that, but you would be surprised at how much girls can be alike, especially after you have tried so many times and failed so many times trying.

There are girls who like me who I am not romantically attracted to, but unlike the girls who have rejected me and never talked with me, I talk with them and I am their friend. You want to talk about callous, talk about a person who tries to chat with you and tries to be friendly and you don't even notice them or respond back.

Women have proven to be nothing short of disappointment romantically, and since they never gave me a chance, why should I give them a chance? I will still be friends with girls, and I will always be sexually attracted to women, but I will not care for them romantically, I will ignore them in this respect. I will sooner walk alone than to walk with those who have rejected me or rejected guys like me before.

i am not sue that one "decides" to become asexual. my perception was one either is or is not. it is a state of sexual being or non-being that cannot be fabricated...just as my bisexuality is not a choice but an inherent part of who i am and how i operate.


now, abstinence from sex is another matter....That is a choice.

you'll change your tune soon
your basing your choice on teenage hood
most teenagers are the same
you really have to understand that
and you have no idea how all people are
don't pretend you do

I asked the last girl I asked out randomly. Her friends said are you afraid she'll say no? And I thought - well, no....

I didn't know her at all at the time, didn't know her friends either... but I just asked her out. She was beautiful, cute... a mother, my age...

And I had absolutely no connection with her whatsoever on the date. Which brings me to a thought I had a while back when I was first introduced to the thought of asexuality. It was actually because I asked a girl why she didn't date her friend (he was going to become a priest). She said she thought he was a bit asexual in nature... Which seemed odd, but most people really do discover something quite different in their 20's... Perhaps homosexuality. I just seemed to have discovered a-sexuality. Where I am attracted/want girls but for some reason have no interest in actually dealing with them and don't seem to be attracted to guys... Sex doesn't appeal to me, and anything less than that seems to be too bothersome to bother with due to any amount of diseases, emotional stress, or possible trama.

Which brings me to my original point - asexuality is ok, abstinence is ok - but abstinence omits the fact that "everyone" wants the same thing and the only way to not is to decide to not. Which in my case I almost feel as if - I'd rather not... Which I'm sure wouldn't be abstinence as much as it is - saying the f word to the hassle.

So abstinence - is ok, and asexuality - is ok.

Good for you

I think you mean to say you choose to be celebate as thats a choice asuxuality has to do with your sex drive or more specifically the total lack of one.

I would say it depends on WHO it is.......what I think is.......Aspies need EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE and that might be why it is HARD to find someone.....because extraordinary people are RARE......BUT THEY DO!! !! ! EXIST. Not just in a 'love' sense....but in a friendship sense as well......I think Aspies love DEEPER and more INTENSELY than most and this is often a painful situation.....why.....because neurotypicals don't understand THAT QUALITY OF LOVE......often they are more interested in image, style, and last but not least.......THEIR OWN SELF ESTEEM. So, they are not so easily OPEN to EXPANSIVE AND POWERFUL LOVE. Sola

I'm not even going to read your post. You cannot just "become" asexual. Sexuality is something you are born with, not something you can just up and become.

You are choosing celibacy; you are not asexual. 12 rejections by the age of 22 is not a great number; while I respect your freedom to choose and the decision you've made, I question the grounds on which it was based. Can't really contribute much positive to this post... other than perhaps instead of asking if someone wants to talk, just start talking. While you will still get rejection, I found that my best conversations on various sites were those when I allowed myself to meander and ramble, asking questions and being random, instead of asking formally if someone would like to chat. Something to consider.


M.

Its more being anti-sexual.

I would say I have come to the same state of being, ie, one that has made the conscious choice to not seek sexual interaction with anyone. The rejection of it all terrifies me greatly, and for years now I have lived without trying to have sex, and its made life simpler and more focused.

makuranososhi was right, the term is "celibate" as opposed to "asexual". It is just that I've heard the term "asexual" so much on this forum that I swapped words with asexuality for celibacy.

Some of us are just not meant to have significant others, but we don't need them. We can find happiness in other ways. And most relationships aren't as happy as they look anyway. Don't be fooled by Disney fairy tales.

Yeah, everything he said. Also, I once chose to be celibate, too, but it was for different reasons; I just wanted to concentrate on my own life without the hassle of the problems relationships bring. I really do wish I had stuck with that sometimes. So, you know, it's hard to see from others perspectives, but relationships are a damn hard thing to manage once you get there, for lots of reasons.

Also,. as is typical here, I see people really pushing to get dates. Why? What's the purpose? I don't bother with anyone unless they're truly attractive to me, which means, not looks, but how we work together. Even then, the pain of rejection isn't so bad because I'll understand their side of why they're rejecting me -- everyone has their own reasons, and certainly not everyone is going to want to be 'romantically' involved with anyone else. It's not about rejection, it's about what they feel deep down at that point. Love is never something you can create, expect or push on anyone.

My Thoughts:

Good luck.

Sexuality isn't a choice lol you can't do that. You can become nun.

its an easily applicable attitude, like my "non-smoking"

im a non-smoker between every one of my cigs.

you can be asexual for the duration it takes to get yourself laid :]