When should we have 'The Talk'?

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Okay... so I went a little overboard with the hearts.

Anyways, as previously discussed, I started a new job about a month or two ago. I got this job because a guy I had worked with at a previous job heard that I needed it, and pretty much got me the position. WELL... we used to talk a lot when we worked together before, but for the past two months we've been hanging out on nearly a nightly basis. I loved the friendship, but always kept in the back of my mind that if he wanted to make it more than just friendship, I would have absolutely no problem with it.

Let's just say the butterfly feelings are mutual, and were finally discussed.

My question is, when should I tell him about my Asperger's? I haven't quite mastered how to go about telling people. I feel that I've pushed a lot of people away with my 'unusual' ways of acting and going about things, and I really don't want that to happen with this one. At the same time, even though I think he's better than it, I don't want to freak him out by telling him to soon. I don't want him thinking I'm a complete nutcase because I don't explain it properly - I have gotten that reaction before.

Any advice?

I'd say do it only when it feels natural and you are REALLY comfortable. There is a lot of ignorance and stigma surrounding autism in many people's minds. I would use words like, "I'm a little eccentric," or "I'm sometimes hypersensitive," to give him a sense of what's to come. That's the only thing I can come up with.

Make a point of that it doesn't change who you are, it just might explain a couple things.

say "people with aspergers do this, this, and that. I have aspergers because I do all or some of these things." just matter of fact. he won't understand at first. no need to feel ashamed of this or like you are confessing something. don't feel guilty. just state the facts. that's it.

Something about your story makes me wonder --
Could he be an undiagnosed Aspie, too?

I haven't had a chance to try this yet, but next time around, when I have a new relationship (friend or work) that matters, I would take it a little at a time. I have this quirk, I have that quirk, I like ___, I don't like ___... Lousy auditory processing and auditory memory biggies for me.

I think the ideal would be to let him see that I'm basically a regular person, competent, etc., with a few individual differences, just like everyone else. I'd save the label for much later.

Thanks, everybody.

I think I'll have a talk with him tomorrow. Not too in-depth, but enough to help him understand me better. I really really REALLY don't want to mess this up. GAWSH, I HOPE I DON'T MESS THIS UP!! !

I did it.

But I didn't mean to...

I guess this could kind of tie into my 'WTF?' thread. We were talking a few nights ago. He just kind of opened up to me... explaining how he has had several concussions throughout his life which have caused memory problems, how he's often times considered an 'awkward' person by his friends and family, how he has a hard time relating to people, and all these things that explain so much, and the fact that I relate to them... WHICH prompted me to open up as well.

I started to, but then I decided not to, and refused to continue what I was starting to say. He just responded by saying "You can talk to me about it when you feel comfortable."

WELL, he continued talking to me, about how he felt embarrassed when he acted weird or forgot things in front of me, and he was going to start writing things down to help him. This information did it for me, and my own issues came out. I opened up, I think, because of the fact that he felt embarrassed around me. I let him know that he didn't need to feel that way, that I wouldn't judge him, and that I had VERY similar issues.

I'm kind of glad that I did, so maybe weird behavior and such won't throw him off or scare him away. He tried to make it clear that he thought of me no differently, and that nothing would change. Me, being my paranoid self, have doubts in the back of my mind about this, but I hope it is the case. I somewhat wish that I hadn't given the 'disorder' label so soon, but like I said, it just kind of came out.


At least we're talking more!