Work calls

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Okay, I told my boyfriend that it would really hurt my feelings if he took a work phone call (IT application support for a mobile phone company) while we were in the middle of sex...and he was basically like "well, I hope they never call"

I'm wondering if I'm ever going to be priority one in his life.
I mean, does he care about my feelings at all? Does he just think I'm being manipulative and seting ultimatums?

I tried to set what I felt was a very reasonable boundary - he works all the time - and he refused to promise me anything. He said "my company loses millions of dollars every minute something is broken..."

Other than this work thing, our relationship is great. I know I am his priority when he's not working, and I can see that I'm getting to be more important. But - my gawd!

What do people think about this?

Its hard to find such dedication to ones work among employees...

He is devoted to you too, as far as I can tell. You are lucky to find a guy like that.

What do I think? I think it's interesting how the economy affects every aspect of our lives. Relationships are especially affected by it, since guys are primarily judged by how successful they are in their careers. No woman wants a "bum." How ironic...

But anyway, he seems too consumed by his work to have relationships... and CERTAINLY too much to be a responsible father, should you ever have kids. Maybe breaking up with him for a time would get him to realize what he is losing, and he might decide to "change" (perhaps even get a new job) and make more time for you. If not, then you're probably better off without him.

Just some worthless speculation...

Last edited by Cyberman on 20 Mar 2009, 9:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

So is he the only tech support they have? Millions of dollars of potentially lost money is a lot of responsibility for a company to place on one person, just for being unavailable to take a phone call.

Where I work, all the support phone numbers are set up to ring around to several numbers in a group. So if one person is unavailable, the next one can pick up. It's hard to believe that the company he works for wouldn't have a similar setup.

He should be able to turn off the phone for half an hour.

Sigh
There are 5 people in his group, and when there is a crisis, they are all expected to be working on it. Eveyone has a specialty. There is some backup, but each person is usually assigned to troubleshoot a particular issue and there's a learning curve, like last week his coworker/friend had a nervous breakdown and he wound up covering for him, and it took him twice as long b/c he didn't know the work. So, it's not a simple "go-down-the-line" sort of process. Plus, my guy feels like everyone is more talented than him at it, so his strength is putting in the hours.

History here: His family hs always struggled with money, even being homeless for a while, when he was a kid. Also, one of the times we dated before, he didn't have a job, and tried really hard to get one, for like 6 months. I broke up with him during that period (not because he didn't have a job, but because I wasn't ready for a relationship).

But yeah, 30 minutes wouldn't kill him or get him fired. It might be one of those things which he doesn't concede to when we're talking about it, but does later when the actual situation arises. He's done that before.

I need him to respect my needs as much as I respect his. Just that. I just can't bevlieve that with all our history he has turned into a selfish person. I can't believe he would say he loves me and spend every *spare* moment with me unless he really did care. We just disagree over what "spare" moments are, lol.

I guess I am asking him to choose between me and work, in a way, but I need to know we're at least balanced priorities. I guess he's not afraid of losing me because we've broken up three times and here I am.

But I told him it would really *hurt* me if he took the call - it's all about communication, right? - and I think that might have affected him. God, I hope so....

Wow... sounds like a fun place to work, if other employees are having nervous breakdowns...

He himself has been in the hospital twice due to work-related panic attacks. But they compensate him well.

And...sometimes, there is a lot of downtime. The month of January it seemed like he had all the free time in the world, which is why I thought he was pulling back when things got busy in February. And February was really no match for March, he's been working 100-hour weeks lately.

Which would you rather have:

... a boyfriend who only occassionally acknowledges you because his career is more important?

... a boyfriend who is devoted to you most of the time, and who occassionally must place your relationship on hold for the sake of his continued employment?

... a boyfriend who is chronically unemployed because he keeps getting fired for placing your feelings above everything else, including his work?

#2, of course
Are you saying this sounds more like he's a #1 or a #2?

No.

I'm implying that you seem more like #3 than #1 or #2.

But that's just my impression ...

I have interrupted sex for phone calls. So far, they were never work-related. I cannot stand a ringing phone without answering it. Cell phones make it better, but not much. If positioned where I could see who was calling, it might not matter. I've trained my family and friends to only text me at work because I will not answer for hours. Obviously, this only helps with with those who text. My grandparents are out of luck.

It has nothing to do with the other person. It has everything to do with the ringing phone. I can't stand them.

You know, Fnord, sometimes it seems like you use your "Aspergers" as an excuse to bully people, and and this site as the playground.
I'm talking about a specific situation, rather than a constant.
And I was asking for help, not insults or even general character assessments.
Stay out of my business.

I think Fnord has a point.. and really think about it, is it necessarily a bad thing? Think about it this way.. what if you had to move across the country to take care of your sickly mother - would he quit his job and come or would the job come first? I certainly think there are some circumstances where "my" or "our" needs should come before work.

Well, Fnord's implying I'm a selfish, insatiable harpy who destroys the lives of people I date.

I don't really think he has a point there.

So you want hubby to ignore all phone calls and risk losing his job, right?