Cute or Sexy?

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I'm often told by friends that I'm 'cute', 'adorable', 'sweet' and similar adjectives. But I'm never 'sexy' or 'hot.'
I know 'cute' is a compliment, but I've never been sought after or considered romantically by a guy I know and I think that may be why.

I'm pretty sure I'm called 'cute' because of my demeanor, because physically, I'm 5'8", curvy ( 39-27-38 ) have long, curly, dark hair and thick lashes. And I know how to put on make-up and wear clothing to play up my assets. Also, I know that guy friends talk about me and notice my body since my girl friends have told me so.
But if I'm so noticeable, then why don't I get any attention from guys I know?
Girls tell me they're jealous, but then why are they with their 3rd boyfriend when I've never even held hands with a guy?? When I'm out by myself, guys that I've never met approach me (they tend to be mid-20s and sorta seedy - opening either with a lame pick up line or asking if I'm staying in an hotel room by myself) but within my everyday group of friends, I've never even been considered romantically.

It's as if guys that don't know me, are attracted to me, and guys that know me well don't even consider me a potential girlfriend. Why?? Does being considered 'cute' make me undesirable?

I'm a very friendly, open, happy person and laugh a lot and that has helped me make lots of friends in life. But should I behave differently if I'm looking for more than a friend? How? I know I'd fail miserably at flirting and would feel like an idiot dropping an innuendo, and I know I feel uncomfortable when people are so overt with me.
I feel like being affable, relatively attractive, and myself should be enough to warrant romantic consideration.

Guys see me as attractive, and like me as a friend, yet they aren't romantically attracted to me. All the reactants are there, but no product (Hahaha. I'm so AS). What am I doing wrong? Do I have to be sexy or overt in my demeanor order to be desirable?

Welcome to the club Jaejoongfangirl!

I'm always addressed as 'cute' as well. It's no fun, is it?
Well, there are many guys that prefer cute over sexy. Me for instance, I like a cute face and demeanor, and I know I'm not alone in that regard. Actually, I don't like 'sexy' as the standards define it, because it appears hollow and artificial to me. If guys you know don't approach you, it could be they think you are out of their league anyway, and don't want to risk your friendship. Take control of the situation, and try getting eye contact with a guy you like. Don't appear intimidating. Smile. Ask him to buy you a drink and be intimate about it.

It's all down to how you dress. A younger appearance can be deemed to be "cute" but sometimes something raunchy can be used to get the "hot/sexy" look. I believe the same is with guys too

Yeah but I bet most guys are afraid they'll come off inappropriate or subtle when letting a girl know that he finds her attractive. Some people even get offended by hot or sexy regardless of context and tone.

Ironically I've heard guys complain the same thing. I usually use the word cute as in attractive.

Something to keep in mind is: how independently-minded are you? Most aspies tend to not follow the herd... While being an independent woman can be a turn-on to some men, it's also very intimidating... I'm not saying change your ways (if anything, following the herd is dangerous for your health, as you'll start smoking and start drinking heavily), but one thing to do is just get some help from your current girlfriends as to what the current fashion is. If said fashion appeals to you, feel free to start wearing that for a while.

Another thing to try is turning the tables and going after the guys. Now I know I'm a big hypocrite for saying this (I seize up if a possible romantic interest occurs, and I can't do anything), but women that can make moves on men opens up a whole field of men for you that are otherwise single because they're too shy to ask women out (men like me), and you won't have any competiton with other women... Some men might think you're a bit, well, "open", so to speak, if you do this, but even that may help deal with the "cute" label that has been attached...

One last idea: move to NJ. If that's you in your avatar, and your internet personality isn't too far removed from your personality in real life, I'd date you in a heartbeat (well, not a heartbeat, I'd have to get to know you better first, but I would probably date you... or would the age gap make that creepy?)

ToadOfSteel: No offence, but you sound desperate. Women like it if you are yourself and relaxed.

That's not "being yourself," that's faking confidence.

7 years feels a lot longer than it really is when you see all these people around you hook up and there's nobody there for you...

Hrm, as them undead say in woW : "Patience... Discipline" <.<

Really? I hadn't noticed all the stumbling chain-smokers bumping into each other on the street. guess I don't get out enough to have seen the thousands of cigarette-flicking GAP girls belting down brewskies while they paint their nails behind the cash register. Were there clouds of smoke floating over the Democratic and Republican conventions last year? I guess that's what prevented me from seeing the open bar.

Thank God we have all those knighted do-gooder anti-smokers to tell us how evil choosing your own behaviors can be. If it weren't for people who smoke and drink, we'd all live forever! Well, I mean we small minority of non-herd followers who drink media-flavored kool-aid instead of alcohol.

What were we talking about? (sorry, I'm drunk) Oh, right - cuteness and sexiness. Deep. There's no clear distinction between the two - the Japanese/Catholic schoolgirl look is certainly both. Emaciated supermodels, however, may be sexy by some gay designer's standard, but a lot of guys prefer their women heroin and meth-free. It's a cheaper date.

As far as attracting guys, Jaejoongfangirl - be patient (Auuugh! the last thing you wanted to hear!). Life happens when it happens. Desperation not only looks like desperation, it smells like desperation and it drives people away. Besides, how can you possibly whine jealously about friends who are on their 3rd boyfriend? Is that what you want? A chain of superficial and temporary relationships - the dump-o-the month club?

Actually, once you've been in a romantic relationship or two, you may find that the superficial, temporary hookup is by far preferable to trying to understand humans and endure their thoughtless abuse. But to understand that, first you'll have to get what you're asking for. Good luck, and I'm terribly sorry you'll have to go through that.

Then you've never been to NJ... although, chain smokers don't stumble around like you're suggesting...


If you want to smoke, go right ahead... I only said it was hazardous for your health... and damn near everyone does something to themselves that is hazardous to one's health... take me for example... a compulsive overeater with a caffeine addiction... If the benefits outweight the risks, then go right ahead. If you want to smoke because that's your decision, it's perfectly fine. It's only when someone who otherwise wouldn't smoke but does to fit in with everyone else that you cross the line into ret*d...


Superficial hookup is fine if all you want is sex. Some of us want a connection that's a bit more involved than just the physical...

A woman told me once told me that Tom Cruise and De Carprio look silly in an Action man role because they are look too cute for such roles and should act in rom com instead while Bruce Willis and Pierce Brosnan are the best in such rules because they look like real men and fit well in such aggressive roles. My mother had the same opinion too.
(As if their opinions would matter ,Tom Cruise had already made a bulk of wealth out of his Mission Impossible movies and their opinions won't change that lol)

So cuteness is usually related to non-mature and non-masculine (or non-feminine is case of women) physical traits: round or feminine face, soft skin, narrow shoulders,small stature , soft voice ...etc

While sexy is related to mature physical traits: ie. wide jaws/shoulders/chest for men ... ie. long lengs/big breast for women ..etc

Both Tom Cruise and Dicaprio have cuteness traits , and that's why they are seen as cute by so many. Dicaprio has so many fans among female teens.... but among female adults , I really doubt.

Cuteness is not related to age, a cute usually remains cute.

How young do you look Jaejoongfang? Do you have a baby face? I am wondering because a "5'8", curvy ( 39-27-38 )" doesn't sound a 'cute' trait but it's rather mature.

I don't think I have a baby face. A while back I posted some pics over in the Members Only forum, on pgs... 325 and 352. You can see them over there, but I wouldn't be comfortable posting them out here in the um... open forum seas.

My question is more about my behavior than my appearance. I guess I'm ok at making positive first impressions (I've moved alot and had lots of experience being 'the new kid') but, once I know someone, I don't know how to handle myself in a way that says that 'I'm interested' without feeling as if I'm acting unnaturally. Are friendly smiling and eye contact enough to adequately put myself out there?

no you have to shake the guy's hand, touch him on the shoulder, and if you are watching a movie sit close to him..

*Returns from Members Forum*

Well, you certainly don't have any problem in the 'looks' department. If you have a crush on one of the guys that you are around alot, maybe it's because they feel like they've been put into the "friend zone". If that's the case, they probably aren't going to ask you out unless you make it clear that you want to take it to the next level. Maybe ask your girl friends for some tips on what works for flirting? It would be a place to start.

I concur. You have no problems in the looks department.
Your height and figure sound tantalizing.

So, you shouldn't have any problem meeting men.
I bet, you have been told this before.

Your problems with men don't have to do with the looks department.
Its probably a mater of the old NT monkey-face-twitch language that apies have so much trouble with.

So you probably missed some cue's and you are probably not sending the right cue's - not for teh lurv
It might help to simply tell the guy that you like that you have this minor social disfunction and that you like him and that maybe you could get to know eachother better. Yeah... simple...

Anyway... my sympathies