How do you become an Aspie's special interest?

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Alla
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17 Mar 2009, 11:14 am

How can a girl become an aspie guy's special interest? This aspie is a workaholic and very well known in his field. Any tips?



mitharatowen
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17 Mar 2009, 11:32 am

I don't think there is anyway to force this. Even the aspie himself probably can't choose his interests. Thats the way mine work anyway. It has to kind of just happen. I can't 'cultivate an interest' like people do. If I go out and try to start something it's unlikely to take hold - only if it happens on its own. Besides some don't even get special interests that revolve around people, but rather maybe an object or an activity. It's different for everyone.

So I'm sorry I just don't think it can be done.



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17 Mar 2009, 11:37 am

How assertive are you willing to be?

Someone once told me that I wouldn't know that a girl was interested in me unless she did a lap dance on my knee.

No ... that's not how I met my wife ...


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Stray-Ana
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17 Mar 2009, 11:55 am

I don't think there is anything you can do...I think unless someone has a natural interest and urge to discover more of a person and desire to focus on them then it aint gonna happen. However if a person does have these things for you, they may be keeping it to them self at the moment - time will tell - but there is nothing you should go out of your way to do personally to alter the course of events, just look for signs if there are any.

If you do happen to become someone's special interest beware that their discovery of you and intensity could be short lived - it depends how a persons special interests usually occur - some are for life - others are on a rapid cycle that come and go - if you do become a special interest you might not know what to do when they go in and out of focusing on you!! [I do this TO people - it can be hard on a long term partner so it is something to think about] How about trying a different approach.



Stray-Ana
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17 Mar 2009, 11:56 am

Fnord wrote:
How assertive are you willing to be?

Someone once told me that I wouldn't know that a girl was interested in me unless she did a lap dance on my knee.

No ... that's not how I met my wife ...


lol.



Since
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17 Mar 2009, 12:26 pm

You know, you can ask a guy out without him having first developed an obsessive interest in you. If he's too wrapt up in his work to give you the time of day, maybe move on.
Uh, I mean... The key to triggering a S.I. is to lock him in a darkened room, shine a flashlight in his eyes while screaming out 17 (it really can't be more than 17) personal facts about yourself. Suggested facts include name, date of birth and P.I.N. Never fails.



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17 Mar 2009, 12:42 pm

Aspies are socially retarded and downright dumb when it comes to interpreting nonverbal cues. The only thing you can do is go up to him in a private location where you won't run any chance of embarrassing him in front of others and say point blank "I'm attracted to you and find you interesting, would you like to go out on a date?". And make sure you say all of that. Don't just say "would you like to go out". Because many of us have been left feeling bewildered over whether when we went out with someone if we were dating, did they like us or did they just want someone to go out to coffee with just so they could talk? Say the date word though you wouldn't with NT's because Aspies need to hear the word "date" if that is what it is.

Also be prepared ahead of time with suggestions on things to do for dates and keep in mind don't pick to many crowded noisy places to go if your guy has sensory issues. Be the planner because Aspies make terrible planners and if you let him plan the dates it would be usually dumb ideas like going to his house to view his collection of 19th century glass beakers or something stupid like that.



Kilroy
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17 Mar 2009, 12:50 pm

I am not so out of touch

whatever happened from learning from one's surroundings-eg movies, the mall, s**t like that



makuranososhi
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17 Mar 2009, 2:47 pm

Alla wrote:
How can a girl become an aspie guy's special interest? This aspie is a workaholic and very well known in his field. Any tips?


You can't 'become' someone else's special interest. Having common interests and being direct are the best suggestions I can offer based on what little was said, and my feelings on the approach being considered.


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Keeno
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17 Mar 2009, 4:34 pm

Alla wrote:
How can a girl become an aspie guy's special interest? This aspie is a workaholic and very well known in his field. Any tips?


Where are you headed with this? Are you a girl who has become an Aspie's special interest?

If so I've a feeling you probably became his special interest - or it might be better put as a hyperfocus - because one way or another he has attained a positive interaction with you that he hasn't attained with other females.

Unfortunately, us Aspies often get the impression girls are more interested in us than they actually are perhaps just because of one positive interaction, one friendly chat, even one look and one smile. I think I've been guilty of that. I think for me it's primarily wishful thinking, because I have less than my share of successful heterosexual interaction.



Veresae
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27 Mar 2009, 3:04 pm

It really can't be forced. If he likes you, he likes you and you can do nothing and he'll still pine for you. If he doesn't, he doesn't, and any attempts to shower him with affection could end up just kinda annoying him. I've had a lot of girls go for me that I didn't feel the same way about and it's always been kinda annoying honestly, lol. That said, we aspies are not beyond seduction. If you're really desperate, find out what he wants in a woman and see if it's anything like you.



Darian_C
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30 Mar 2009, 1:13 am

I sure know how a girl at my school caught my interest. At first I had a crush on her, and then I really liked her. She was very nice, but also very hard to get and get a hold of. She usually would be in a group with her friends at lunch and it became very hard to contact her personally. Things started going downhill though and beginning from the first moment of that she started to fade from my mind.



reddingcal
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30 Mar 2009, 3:41 am

Alla wrote:
How can a girl become an aspie guy's special interest? This aspie is a workaholic and very well known in his field. Any tips?


It just happens. You can't force it. I've developed obsessive interest in girls before.



RoisinDubh
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30 Mar 2009, 10:06 am

Seeing this topic made me laugh out loud, since I found out awhile back that I have been one of my Aspie boyfriend's primary 'special interests' since we first became friends about 5 years ago (we've been a couple a little over a year). I'm sure I would've realised this if I myself were a bit more aware. :lol:

In this particular case, it was because of our similar fixations (okay, near-identical fixations), personality similarities (he was undiagnosed, though I had him pegged from day one....I think it near-killed him to find someone who had all the same 'oddnesses' as he did), and apparently, I am physically a living combination of all the cartoons he has crushed on since he was a kid! :D



reddingcal
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30 Mar 2009, 2:27 pm

RoisinDubh wrote:
Seeing this topic made me laugh out loud, since I found out awhile back that I have been one of my Aspie boyfriend's primary 'special interests' since we first became friends about 5 years ago (we've been a couple a little over a year). I'm sure I would've realised this if I myself were a bit more aware. :lol:

In this particular case, it was because of our similar fixations (okay, near-identical fixations), personality similarities (he was undiagnosed, though I had him pegged from day one....I think it near-killed him to find someone who had all the same 'oddnesses' as he did), and apparently, I am physically a living combination of all the cartoons he has crushed on since he was a kid! :D


Thats the thing though. AS-AS relationships can be very rewarding. My best friend for over 20+ years was my cousin who despite his denial is just every bit as AS as I am. He can obsess about something every bit as much as I can and we usually had about the same interests.