I can never really tell

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when a girl is interested in me. I've had girlfriends, but usually they've asked me out, so I've been lucky that way, but I can never tell when I should ask them out or even if I should. I have no idea how to tell if they are into me. Any advice?

i was like you. 11 years later.... - i am like you sorry

maybe someone else can pose as a better example than me tho. at least i know how you feel. i have long since stopped looking or caring, i am litterally waiting for a girl to climb in my window, and just throw herself at me "take me! take me like an animal!"

last time i was on a "date" it was a friend of a friend, she was giving me lots of attention in my brief visits there (cough*dealer*cough) ANYWAY in my mind, she was just giving me friendly banter, like everyone else

but then she insisted we swap phone numbers. that never happened to me.
i went to her place, she fixed up pancakes, we ate some, had a glass of wine, chatted, and never talked again

im still just as confused as i have always been, when it comes to chicks, and whatever it is theyre thinking during a date, and whatever other guys do to make it work as easily as it does for them.

I'm thinking it works for NT guys because they don't really think about the stuff, they just do it and it works. Know what I mean?

I tend to over-analyze things anyway.

oh yes, yes, it IS that! it is, but thats the problem - i dunno how to stop analyzing, and react, and my analysis usually takes all evening on my way home, i am still analysing and thats my clue.

"normies" tell me the same thing "just kiss her you idiot! she invited you over for a reason!" and im thinking "yes.... she DID invite me for a reason! argh what an idiot i am!"

always wise in retrospect

but i think thats the thing to remember, if a "normal" girl approaches you, and shows some interest, she most likely will not TOTALLY FREAK if you try some "move" on her, because most likely thats what she contacted you for in the 1st place - despite our countless of theories and analyses

I know what you mean. But then, I'll have this nagging thought about, maybe it's too early, or maybe she just thinks I want to be friends, even if it's totally idiotic and unrealistic, I still think it.

I think next time I go on a date, I'll drink a few beers first to get a buzz, then let things take their course without over thinking any of it. lol

your right, and thats exactly how i think. maybe she just wants to chat, etc.

and ACTUALLY being kinda "tipsy" might not be such a bad idea
because drunkenness (not shitfaced, but you know.. ) makes you more honest and more direct, as we all know. besides, "normies" use this "trick" as well, very often.

the only time i TRIED directness, it worked. it was absolutely weird, but i had know this chick for years, and semi-flirted every time we met, like a game, but even then, i never ever dared make any initiative.
untill, around 5 in the morning (yes, she sat up with me untill morning. HINT HINT?) i actually just swallowed all my insecurities, and FORCED out the awkward words, one by one "hey... wanna... make... out... ?"

and boom.
making out we were.


i guess the whole love-game is just that extra bit more exciting for us weirdos, cus we have NO clue whats going on, and everything becomes a lot more of a gamble (at least thats what it feels like).

my best advice would be to just push yourself, and push your luck. everybody gets rejected, but you wont get anything if you dont force an initiative out of yourself, even if its not all picturesque or fit for a movie ;]

I like the gambling thing. I guess love would be like gambling: You win some, you lose some, but eventually you just might hit the jackpot.

yes, just like normal people, only... a bit more difficult but not impossible, as can be seen by everyone on here whos in a relationship.

like, if you KNOW that your just gonna waste away another potential relationship, by being silent and shy - then what do you have to lose? its tricky to put into practice, but again, not impossible

i guess it helps to be in school, or some other "forced" social arrangement. im unemployed and stuff, so i sit at home a lot. its one of the FEW "drives" i have towards getting into society - to get back in contact w chicks again

here's an idea; do it in graduated stages.

See if she mimics your movements, that's a sign (you fold your arms, she folds her arms, but actually like you unfold your arms, she unfolds her arms...

look into her eyes (just a second, don't stare). See if she looks back and smiles.

Here's what old folks used to do; hold her hand. See what she does. If she holds it back, you're doing fine. If she pulls away, that's not what she wants.

If that works for a while, slide a little closer. Do it while you're talking, as a distraction. If she moves closer, that's a good sign.

After a while, stroke her hair ( feel like I'm writing pr0n..., and see if she likes it. If so, get closer, then if her eyes close, she wants to be kissed. So kiss her, you fool...

That's enough to get you started.

dude you just told him to analyze more than ever :D:D

have you actually tried this??

i know theyre good advice, each one, per se, but like... all the above, is stuff i, for one, do on every unsuccessfull date, and ALL i do, i take mental notes "okay now she looked, 4.2 seconds, m-hm. ah! she moved, should i move closer?" etc

while at parties, the few, i watch normal people. one second theyre chatting, i look away, i look back, and theyre tounging each others lungs from the inside. and i think THAT is the secret.
they dont spend the night taking mental notes and analyzing, they just... tongue away!

pakled, I'm pretty sure I can figure out how to do all that without thinking to much, so thanks for the advice. And "Norms" are blessed with the ability to not have to think, but to just do. I must admit I'm slightly envious of this talent.

what you're missing is the massive amount of body language going on during the meaningless chatter, which NTs use to coordinate their relationships

little facial expressions, eye contact at the right moments, etc...

My plan?

1. Work hard to be so desirable (knowledge, talent, humor, cleanliness, fitness, money, etc), women will throw themselves at me. Preferably unarmed.
2. Meet lots of women, at least as friends, and tell them early that I have AS. ( Most people heard of it and are curious. I use it as an ice breaker! )

If it fails, at least I'll have built a good life for myself.

im NOT missing it at all, im pointing out the problem.

you CANT fake around the body language. thats what makes everything a failure.
we are aware of that bodylanguage, so what do we do? analyze it. why dont we just as well bring pen and papers? a little body-map, take notes as we see the signs appear.

what i am saying is: body language etc is for "NT"'s, you CANNOT go by that, if you could, then you wouldnt be here.
you must look at an alternative, and trust luck more. if a woman calls me, invites me, and wants a private evening with me, then THAT is my clue. i can then safely ignore all her bodylanguage, and just GAMBLE on it.

its, imho, the only option i got.

The way I usually go about this is actually the opposite. I assume that no girl is going to just be 'into' me for no reason. Instead of analyzing yourself and the situation to catch those instances you think you are missing that likely don't even exist, devote your efforts to analyzing the girls that catch *your* interest. See if you can figure out whether they'd be interested in qualities that you have or know that you have the capacity to offer, and then go about demonstrating those qualities to them. Girls won't just like you automatically on their own; you have to demonstrate some sort of worth or uniqueness first to pique their interest.

That's one of the major advantages the online scene has over real life; logistically it's far easier for people to both put themselves out there in an effective manner and also to spot things that they are interested in in others. Better yet, it's possible, in the case of things like forum posts, to *leave* these demonstrations out there so that anybody who happens by can see them.

Once you're confident that somebody is likely to like you once their attention has been directed, all that's left is to actually direct their attention at you, and it becomes that much easier to make the first move. Granted, it takes a lot of time, effort, and analytical prowess to achieve that level of certainty, making these occurrences quite rare, but the rush of confidence you experience when a girl you talk to reacts exactly as you expected can usually serve you well enough to get over the rest of that first impression hump that seems to be the bane of most aspie guys, at least me in particular.

I'd agree, except for the part about being aware of the body language. I'm so oblivious to it, there's basically nothing to analyze except what she said, which I now realize is fairly irrelevant because that's not where the info I really want is being conveyed. I've seen threads here about NT women basically going nuts trying to get an aspie to clue in to some hidden attraction, which of course he can't see the relevant body language so he can't possibly get it. At least if I tell her about my AS and she has a huge crush on me, she can:



as you put it.




Oh, that's not just to be friends? Heh, clueless aren't I?

Agree totally about the gamble. Hence the part about making myself more desirable, to help my chances as much as possible. Even if I 'm wrong and it wasn't the original intent of her invitation, she might still say yes.

Well going from what you're saying, I have an example. I'm talking to this girl online right now and she said "You seem like a pretty cool guy, what are you into?"

In my mind this means two things, 1. she just wants to know more about me, or 2. She's interested in me and wants to know if we have anything in common."

That was mainly what I mean when I said I have problems interpreting what they want.