How important is status to women?

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I'm curious to know how important status is to potential dates.

Basically I'm 37, in a low-paid job, live with my mother, have no local friends or social life, have bad eyesight so I can't drive.

I recently met a woman via the internet and we were getting on great until she found out the above - I try very hard to say nothing rather than lie, although she was pressing me. It became instantly apparent that she was losing interest in me rapidly.

I can only summise that, at least for people over 30, having a life is a vital part of attractiveness. You hear all the BS about "it doesn't matter what job you have, you're a really decent person" etc, but recent experience has shown me that I'll always judged by how I am rather than who I am.

Am I being overly negative here? I know some women would argue that they're not all that shallow, but it strikes me that no matter how 'great' the man, if they have nothing else to offer then it's simply not likely to happen.

It is greatly important, but if she is pretty and you're not, your social status might go way up (apparently an unattractive male + an attractive female gives way more social prestige than attractive M + Attractive F, or attractive M + unattractive F). Whole concept of "trophy wife" sadly. Also, social standing is a cue most women while want to check, because it means you have the means to get a job and therefore sustain her and your offspring, or again ask favors that could work towards that goal.

Fear not though! There are still other cues a female will look for in a mate. :p Such as intelligence (can affect social standing and income), entrepreneurship, a "stable" male, a taller male is also a good cue, because it commands respect and is usually a sign of social recognition, being well built is also a sign that you can defend her or the offspring if needed. Anyways, i could go on but meh.

It's very important. The truth is, women want that financial security.

At the worst, you could always tell her the truth, honesty might get you a few points, but brace yourself for a rejection. <.<

(oh and yeah, financial security is important, seeing as kids take LOTS of years to finally turn into an adult compared to the rest of the animal kingdom, you can bet they need someone to contribute, fidelity is also necessary for that to be successful (getting married was supposed to fix that traditionnally ;P ))

Granted, any appraisal of a potential mate would, in a primal sense, involve checking how capable the man would be with a view to being part of a family, bringing up children. It's human nature.

I'm more interested to know if at the date level women are thinking this. It feels that, in older women especailly, they would want to at the very least maintain their current standard of living, stepping down, as they'd see it, to a man on a lesser income and with less to offer generally (apart from abstract things like intelligence, companionship, etc), it doesn't really compute.

Love is not blind, no matter what they say.

(sorry, my ingrained cynicism is creeping in here).

Depends on what type of woman you're talking about.

My sister for instance is the one making the money while my brother in law is a stay at home dad.

Male primate status exists to determine mates. Humans appear to have a naturally more egalitarian mating system than many of our close relatives (e.g. gorillas), but nonetheless status is selfsame with mating rank for a male.

I think the living with your mother is what will put most people off out of what you listed. It isn't all about having a life and social life.. its more about knowing how to get somewhere in life.

My BF is on SSDI like me and we both work PT jobs. Both of us would have been homeless if it weren't for family support. Maybe you will find a female like you.

is that your sister in law?



sorry could not resist

to you I suggest being open - but not embarrassed about living with your mom. why? tell your internet girlfriend that it saves you money, that you look after your mom, and that she likes having you around. does your lady have rent her own place? you could move in with her or she could move in with you and your mom. it is not a big deal in my opinion.

that cat is too fat!

I'm a little baffled by a guy saying, "I'm not a typical guy. What are all women looking for in a man?"

Like males got some kind of monopoly on individual variation?

I agree if you make the 'negatives' appear 'positive' (or at least logical) it's less likely to come out as being bad and will be seen in a different light

Women are generally somewhat concerned with whether or not you have the potential to provide for their offspring; at a certain point, it's a biological imperative. In addition to NVLD, I have epilepsy, so I don't drive either, but I've never dated a women who found it to be an issue.

Living with your parents is probably a bigger issue for women than your job or driving ability.

individual variation is most probably a bell curve so it seems quite fair to say your "not typical", weather or not your accurate saying that is another story.

Lemme put it this way ... how many women do you think would be interested in a man that is 37, in a low-paid job, lives with his mother, has no local friends or social life, has poor eyesight, and can't drive (no car).

Now try to guess how many women would be interested in a 37-year old man who makes enough for two (or more) people to live on comfortably, lives on his own, has a regular circle of friends and a healthy social life, no handicaps, and takes public transportation only when the Toyota is in the shop (which is to say, almost never)?